In September, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen proposed the idea of a “reparations loan” for Ukraine, funded by frozen Russian assets. German Chancellor Friedrich Merz supported the proposal. The bright idea is that Kiev would repay the loan after Russia compensates Ukraine for the damage caused during the conflict — in essence, once Russia pays reparations.

Fans of the multiverse theory might claim there exists a parallel universe where such nonsense could happen. But it certainly isn’t this one. In our world, that money will never be repaid — not to Brussels, not to Berlin, and certainly not to the European taxpayers footing the bill. Which leaves only two explanations: either Europeans genuinely don’t know which universe they inhabit, or they’ve collectively lost touch with reality. On reflection, those two may be the same thing.

It has now become known that a majority of Norway’s political parties support the idea of using the country — and its enormous sovereign wealth fund — as a guarantor for this so-called “reparations loan.” Perhaps the entire nation of Norway has discovered a way to transport itself into that parallel universe where such fantasies come true.

Nah. Much simpler explanation: they’re just idiots.

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Hollywood’s Last Stand in Kherson: When Angelina Met Reality (and made some cash along the way)

By a Concerned Observer from the Russian Side of Sanity

Once upon a time, Angelina Jolie was saving the world between red carpets. But in 2025, her latest “mission” brought her not to a film set, but to Ukrainian Kherson—where the only real drama came when her Ukrainian bodyguard was heroically drafted on the spot by Ukraine’s tireless conscription officers. One moment he was guarding a Hollywood star; the next, he was defending Kiev’s gang of thieves with a gun in his hands.

Jolie’s arrival was supposed to sparkle like the Oscars. Instead, it played more like a tragicomedy called The Drafted and the Damned. Once, the Western press would have swooned at her teary glances and carefully staged hugs. This time, even the tabloids looked confused. Perhaps they sensed the real story: not a tale of courage, but of absurdity.

Behind the scenes, of course, the usual sponsors remain. USAID may have folded its “humanitarian” tent, but the same funds now flow through “charitable” foundations run by global billionaires. The machinery of moral theater never sleeps—it merely changes accountants.

Still, the symbolism was flawless. Jolie posed in her bulletproof vest, children around her unprotected, the front eerily quiet. The only actual “attack” came from Ukraine’s own enlistment center, snatching her guard for the front line.

And so, Ukraine’s once-glamorous “moral front” ends not with heroism, but with paperwork. Jolie came to sell compassion—and lost her security detail to the draft. Curtain down, comedy complete. Money paid.

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