i didn’t plan on writing tonight, but the silence pushed me into it.
it’s always the silence that forces me to face everything i try to ignore.
i sat on the edge of my bed with a pen in hand, wondering if putting my thoughts on paper would make anything easier.
it didn’t.
it just made me realise how heavy everything has become.

most days feel the same now
wake up, go through routines that mean nothing, pretend i’m functioning.
i walk through the house like a ghost no one notices,
like a background character in a life i’m supposed to be living.
and the worst part is… i’m used to it.

i don’t get messages unless someone needs something.
i don’t get calls unless someone dialed me by mistake.
my phone stays silent,
almost as if it knows there’s no one left to reach out anymore.

friends drifted away over the years.
some didn’t bother explaining.
some made excuses.
some blamed me, and maybe they’re right.
maybe i’m too quiet, too closed-off, too “hard to understand.”
maybe i pushed people away without meaning to.
or maybe… no one ever cared enough to hold on.

i’ve been carrying so much on my own that my shoulders feel permanently tired.
career disappointments, family arguments, nights of crying that no one hears
it all piles up until i feel like i’m standing under a sky that keeps getting heavier, as if it’s trying to crush me.

there’s this constant question burning inside me:
why does everything bad choose me so easily?
why does it feel like no matter how hard i try, i always end up alone at the end of every story?

i try to be good.
i try to be helpful.
i try to be the person others can rely on.
but it never circles back.
no one checks on me.
no one stays long enough to see i’m not as “strong” as they think.
i’ve become so good at pretending that even i forget i’m breaking.

sometimes i look at myself and wonder if i’m the problem.
maybe something about me makes it easy for people to leave.
maybe i’m not worth the effort.
maybe the universe decided i don’t deserve the things i keep wishing for.

smiling feels like a performance now.
laughing feels like lying.
and every night, i end up in the same place
sitting in my empty room, trying to convince myself that tomorrow might feel different.
but it never does.

i’m starting to believe that loneliness isn’t a phase for me.
it’s becoming a place i live in.
a place that’s slowly swallowing me whole.

and deep down, a thought i hate keeps whispering:
maybe this is all i’m meant for.
maybe the world has already decided that i’m someone who will always stand alone,
no matter how loudly my heart begs for something more.

- xyz
16 november, 2024

" Acha chlen hai aap ab tk k sfr me..
apni peeth thpthpaaiye ..." 🌷✨

You are doing Great ! Congratulate yourself... ✨🌸


мυвαнιℓα 💕 .

मंज़िलें लाख कठिन आएँ गुज़र जाऊँगा
हौसला हार के बैठूँगा तो मर जाऊँगा

चल रहे थे जो मेरे साथ कहाँ हैं वो लोग
जो ये कहते थे कि रस्ते में बिखर जाऊँगा

दर-ब-दर होने से पहले कभी सोचा भी न था
घर मुझे रास न आया तो किधर जाऊँगा

याद रखे मुझे दुनिया तेरी तस्वीर के साथ
रंग ऐसे तेरी तस्वीर में भर जाऊँगा

लाख रोकें ये अँधेरे मेरा रस्ता लेकिन
मैं जिधर रौशनी जाएगी उधर जाऊँगा

रास आई न मोहब्बत मुझे वर्ना 'साक़ी'
मैंने सोचा था कि हर दिल में उतर जाऊँगा

     ♡♡♡ साक़ी अमरोहवी ♡♡♡

सुबह तक कैसे गुज़ारी है ये अब पूछती है
रात टूटे हुए तारों का सबब पूछती है

तू अगर छोड़ के जाने पे तुला है तो जा
जान भी जिस्म से जाती है तो कब पूछती है

कल मेरे सर पे मेरा ताज था तो सब थे मेरे
आज दुनिया ये मेरा नाम-ओ-नसब पूछती है

मैं चराग़ों की लवें थाम के सो जाता हूँ
रात जब मुझ से मेरा हुस्न-ए-तलब पूछती है

      ♡♡♡ अज़्म शाकरी ♡♡♡

"Not Everything that's faced can be changed ,but nothing can be changed until it's Faced." 🙂

hey guys.. idk why i’m even writing this but my heart feels too full and too tight and i just need to let it out somewhere.. today is my birthday and instead of feeling loved or excited i ended up feeling this strange heaviness that i can’t even explain properly.. i got three parcels today even though i didn’t order a single thing and the delivery guy kept calling, asking for my location, and i stood there confused, repeating “maine kuch order nahi kiya” because genuinely i hadn’t.. but the name was mine, the number was mine, everything pointed at me and still nothing made sense.. i told him to cancel it, return it, send it back because accepting something i didn’t know about felt wrong.. then again another call, another parcel and the same confusion hitting me again and again like some weird reminder that maybe i’m not made for surprises.. later i came home and found out it was my sister who ordered it for me and my mom had already received them.. and instead of happiness i felt this ache spreading inside my chest, like someone pressed something heavy on my heart.. not because i didn’t appreciate it, but because i didn’t know how to hold it.. i don’t know why people doing things for me scares me.. why someone spending even a little money on me feels like i suddenly don’t deserve it.. i start feeling guilty, like i’m burdening someone just by existing, like i owe something back that i don’t even know how to give.. i love small things, handwritten notes, soft words.. those don’t scare me.. but when someone puts effort or money into me, it feels like i’m being seen too closely, cared for too deeply, and i don’t know what to do with that kind of love.. it’s been hours and my mind is still looping around the same feeling.. most people feel special when someone surprises them but i just feel overwhelmed, like i don’t know how to accept love without overthinking it to the point where it starts hurting.. it’s like there’s a part of me that believes i’m not worth the effort, not worth the money, not worth the trouble.. and when someone does something nice for me, it clashes with that belief and everything inside me becomes loud and messy.. maybe i’m just not used to being treated gently.. maybe i’ve spent too long being the one who gives and never learned how to receive.. or maybe i’m just scared that every kind gesture comes with a silent expectation that i won’t be able to fulfill.. i don’t know.. all i know is it’s exhausting to feel this way on a day that’s supposed to be mine.. exhausting to feel guilty for being loved.. exhausting to feel heavy when someone tries to make me happy.. i wish i could just accept things without letting them break me from the inside, but right now, i’m just sitting with this weird ache, trying to understand myself and failing all over again..

नियत ऐसी की फकीरों के साथ भी खाया है ,,

और अकड़ ऐसी की नवाबों को भी ठुकराया है...🔥🦅✨

बुद्धिमान वही होता है जो यह जानता है कि उसे बेवकूफ कब दिखना है..!!

Takleef to haqikat ne di hai...🍂🍁
khwab to aaj bhi khoobsurat hain hmare...✨🥀

мυbahιla Qυadri 💕

Let go of the fear that's been strangling you.

Let go of the past that's been drowning you.

Set yourself free 🦅

Gud morning 💕

~Mubahila Quadri 💕

she never asked for much
just for everyone she loved
to be okay,
even if that meant
she wouldn’t be.

she was the kind of person
who would give away the last piece of her heart
just to make sure someone else
felt a little less alone.
and in the quiet corners of her life,
she slowly learned
that the world rarely gives back
what she pours into it.

she wasn’t angry about it.
she wasn’t even surprised.
she simply accepted
that her role in people’s lives
was to be temporary comfort
a soft place for them to land
before they left
for better things
and better people.

but she..
she still wished them well.
even when they walked away
with pieces of her
she would never get back.

she cried quietly,
not because they hurt her,
but because she couldn’t hate them
even for a moment.
she just hated herself
for not knowing how to be cold,
how to stop caring,
how to stop giving love
that no one ever stayed to return.

every night,
she held herself together
with trembling hands,
praying that tomorrow
wouldn’t ask her
to be strong again.

the truth is..
she was never strong.
she was just too gentle
to let anyone else fall apart.

and the saddest part?!
the world will miss her softness
only when it’s gone.
only when they realise
that the girl who took care of everyone
never had anyone
to take care of her.

- xyz
26 november, 2025

वाकिफ हुँ शहर की तफ़्तीश के तरीकों से...🌱💯
तुम बेफिक्र हो कर, मुझमें रह सकते हो ֶֶֶָָָ֢֢֢ ֶָ֢ ֶָ֢ ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡