What is an electrical engineers favorite song?
Watt is love, Baby don't hertz me, Don't hertz me, N-ohm more

#wordplay
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A person who likes to be around people is an extrovert. A person who doesn't like to be around people is an introvert. I like to be around cats.
Does that make me a purrvert?

#wordplay
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What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that’s long and hard?
New last name

#other
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Two surveyors, George and Mike, are out hunting in the woods...

when they suddenly realize they've become hopelessly lost. They look every which way, but the only things they see all around them are trees.

Mike sits down on a fallen log, his rifle across his lap, and says to George "Well, we're lost. What are we gonna do now?"

George thinks for a second before pulling a grade stake and a sharpie from his back pocket. He writes "Benchmark" on one side of the stake and "Do Not Disturb" on the other side. Then, he uses the butt of his rifle to drive the stake into the ground. With that complete, he sits down next to Mike on the fallen log.

Mike looks from the stake to George and back again before saying "How the hell is that supposed to help us?!"

George just holds up one finger and says "Wait."

After a few minutes, the two men can hear a rumbling sound off in the distance. It slowly gets louder and louder until finally a huge bulldozer comes crashing through the trees. It runs right over the grade stake George had put in the ground before continuing on its path through the woods.

George points in the direction the bulldozer had come from and says "That way."

#other
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Doctor: I'm afraid we'll need to remove your colon
Me why?

#wordplay
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What do British people say when they show concern for you?
U k?

#wordplay
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Olympic Results for Sailing are out.

The British have taken the Gold medal.

The French have taken the Silver medal.

The Somalians have taken the boats.

#other
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Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He lies awake at night and wonders if there is a dog.

#oldbutgold
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Me: I've met a girl with 12 breasts
Wife: That sounds strange.
Me: Dozen tit?

#wordplay
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I don’t usually make mathematical puns unless I’m desperate.
But I’ll make one if I half two.

#wordplay
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Stewardess: "Window or aisle?"
Window or you'll what?

#wordplay
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I feel bad about misjudging my new girlfriend.
I thought she was a bit of a slut when she playfully called me her thirty second lover.

Then I realized that she was talking about time.

#wordplay
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"Mamma I don't like grandma!"
"Eat only the potatoes then".

#other
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I'm proud to say I had never paid for sex ever
I am a pretty fast runner.

#sexandshit
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Just seen an OnlyFans page where girls slam their bums together...
Fair play, they are just trying to make ends meet

#wordplay
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What's The biggest fear of Zeus?
Child support

#other
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Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?
Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

#wordplay
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Boeing does not make airplanes anymore.
It makes errorplanes.

#wordplay
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In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation

#wordplay
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A captain aboard a battleship spots a light in the distance in the battleship's path.

Not wanting there to be a collision, he radios the source of the light: "Change your course ten degrees south."

The response is quick: "Change your course ten degrees north."

His pride slightly damaged, the captain responds testily: "I am an admiral, first class! Change your course ten degrees south!"

The response: "I am a lieutenant, second class. Change your course ten degrees north."

Now losing his patience, the captain angrily radios: "Change your course ten degrees south! I'm in a battleship!"

Comes the answer: "Change your course ten degrees north sir, I'm in a lighthouse."

#other
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