You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.

#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia

The word "misread" can be misread as "misread".

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants.

#other
@Sickipedia

Once you accept that gravity exists everything falls into place.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Your vet won't tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, get it some ketchup. It really is the best thing for a hot dog.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

#other
@Sickipedia

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Today, I told my really hot co-worker how I felt and she felt the same.
So I turned on the air-conditioner.

#other
@Sickipedia

At dinner, my girlfriend suddenly told me, “It’s over between us”.
Me: Why?

Her: For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Me: I see. And for the main course?

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Mean girls aren’t as bad as people say.
In reality, they’re just about average.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

If life gives you melons
You probably have dyslexia

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

I used to run a dating service for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding...

...But then I saw her face

#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia

Why is the first episode of a tv series called a pilot?
Because it’s the first time it’s on the air.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

You matter!

You have mass and occupy space.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

I prefer porn with subtitles, so that I can figure out what the animals are saying.

#sexandshit
@Sickipedia

"No thanks, I'm a vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you a baby.

#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia

My wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.

#other
@Sickipedia