I might as well become a cannibal.

I'm already fed up with people.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My girlfriend asked me with a naughty smile: "Shall we go bowling tonight or stay home?"
I replied: "I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty fat hands. Let's go bowling!"

#sexandshit@Sickipedia

My German friend asked me, “What’s a 3 letter word for compete?”
Me: Vie.
Friend: Because I’m trying to do the crossword.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I just had a physical. The doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty. I said, like bacon and burgers?"
"No fatty, don't eat anything!"

#wordplay@Sickipedia

What do you call a chinese female robot who is single?
Maiden China

#wordplay@Sickipedia

"Why are you so calm?".
"I never argue with stupid people. I just say 'you're right' and move on. "That's ridiculous!".
"You're right."

#roast@Sickipedia

I just found my first grey pubic hair today
Just wish it wasn’t in my coffee I got from McDonald’s

#other@Sickipedia

A lot of women say their husbands never listen to them.
I'm proud to say i've never heard my wife say something like that.

#other@Sickipedia

A women was arrested for laughing like a man.
she was charged with manslaughter.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My wife believes in same sex marriage
Yeah, we’ve had the same sex for the last 20 years

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She's a 10, but imaginary.

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

How does a cheerleader turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door

#sexandshit@Sickipedia

My wife asked, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we first met?" So, I took her to dinner and a movie.
Then I dropped her off at her parents.

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

What's the best slogan for a Urologist's Office?
Urine. Good Hands.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My son was scared to tell me he failed his history exam.
I said don’t worry it’s all in the past.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My wife told me if I turned out the light, I could put it in her butt.
I probably should have waited for the bulb to cool...

#sexandshit@Sickipedia

Men are like a good hardwood floor. If you lay them really well,
you can walk on them for 40 years.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I was taken off a plane in handcuffs and put on a no-fly list.
All I did was greet my friend Jack.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My daughter saw that I only had ham and turkey on my Thanksgiving plate. "Which one do you like more?" she asked me.
"Hm, I'm not sure. I don't usually pick sides."

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I asked the bus driver "How long will the next bus be?"
He replied "Same length as this one."

#wordplay@Sickipedia