I’m better now

I’m having these weird spikes of energy and dopamine which is odd

It’s a lot better than feeling hollow and robotic

I’ve also stopped taking as many drugs

Which was mostly because the reward wasn’t worth what the risk was or whatever

I’m gonna stick to tripping too

I plan to get some shrooms and take a decent amount and have Lorne and X sit me

I have a lot to look forward too but most likely my friends will be left behind

I understand that’s a part of life, my dads been telling me this for years, so that’s helped because it’s always been on the back of my mind

But I feel I’m the only one ready for it

Again I’m also not affected by death, separation, and grief soooooooo idk

Maybe tripping helped with my depression, my self image, and my anxiety, but came at a cost

I’m starting to think that cost was my emotions

Which it’s not a bad thing

It helps with most things

I can control myself most of the time, but when I get really stressed everything fires off at once, and they all get converted to rage

That’s it for today

The world will fear me one day

Not the modern definition of fear, the biblical definition