HOW TO FIND THE PERFECT WIFE
Khaalid Ibn Safwan saw a group in the masjid of Basrah, and he said, “What is this gathering?”
He was told, “There is a woman who informs men about women who are available for marriage.”
He went to her and said, “I want to marry a woman.”
She said, “Describe her to me.”
So he described her saying, “I want her to be a virgin who is wise like a married woman, or a married woman who is innocent like a virgin; she should be sweet when she is near, splendid when she is at a distance, she should have lived a life of luxury and then became afflicted with poverty – so she has the manners of the rich and the humility of the poor. When we gather wealth, we should be as the people of the world, and when we become poor, we should be as the people of the hereafter.”
She said, “I know of such a woman for you.”
He said, “And where is she?”
She replied, “In Paradise! So work hard to achieve her!”
Khaalid Ibn Safwan saw a group in the masjid of Basrah, and he said, “What is this gathering?”
He was told, “There is a woman who informs men about women who are available for marriage.”
He went to her and said, “I want to marry a woman.”
She said, “Describe her to me.”
So he described her saying, “I want her to be a virgin who is wise like a married woman, or a married woman who is innocent like a virgin; she should be sweet when she is near, splendid when she is at a distance, she should have lived a life of luxury and then became afflicted with poverty – so she has the manners of the rich and the humility of the poor. When we gather wealth, we should be as the people of the world, and when we become poor, we should be as the people of the hereafter.”
She said, “I know of such a woman for you.”
He said, “And where is she?”
She replied, “In Paradise! So work hard to achieve her!”
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Nobody warns you about the third year of a marriage.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
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A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
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Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
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A newly married brother recently said that he wanted to take his wife for a holiday but was unable to do so because he had spent all the money on his wedding!! For me, this just does not make sense! It is far better to spend money on yourself, such as on a post-marriage Umrah or vacation with your spouse, than a lavish wedding simply to impress others! Sadly, we live in a time where “what others will say/think” has become a big part of our lives. Thousands upon thousands are spent on wedding ceremonies, sometimes violating Islamic laws – merely to impress and have a name in the community, with some even taking out loans! Indeed, we can invite people to the Sunna of Walima, but
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
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Modern marriage is no longer about building together. Many women want the benefits of marriage, but none of the responsibilities.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
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Shaykh al-Uthaymeen on getting married
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
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