No handshake, hug, peck, kiss, or sex between two intending partners before marriage engagement and wedding proposal and "our parents are aware we are of our relationship" alone doesn't make the aforementioned halâl for two potential spouses. Having consensual sexual intercourse with someone you're not legally married to is zina (a major sin) in the sight of Allâh, even if man-made law terms it as legal.
Doing the aforementioned without being legally married is a sinful act, especially being intimate with each other which is a major sin.
Follow the laws of Allâh to Whom you shall return, and abstain from following your desires and Western cultures.
The punishment of Allâh is severe and unbearable.
Doing the aforementioned without being legally married is a sinful act, especially being intimate with each other which is a major sin.
Follow the laws of Allâh to Whom you shall return, and abstain from following your desires and Western cultures.
The punishment of Allâh is severe and unbearable.
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Muslim Marriage Tips
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Marriage After Zina: What the Scholars Said
It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents, whether the man marrying her is the one who committed zina with her or someone else. This is the position of the Hanbali school and scholars, including Ibn Hazm, Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Shanqiti, and Ibn ‘Uthaymin. (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82; Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Allah says:
“A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers.” [Translation al-Nur 24:3]
Al-Buhuti said:
“If a woman's zina is known, she is prohibited to the man who committed zina with her and to anyone else until she repents and the waiting period has elapsed.” (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82.)
Ibn Hazm said:
“It is not permissible for a woman who has committed zina to marry anyone—neither a man who commits zina nor a chaste man—until she repents.” (Al-Muhalla, 9/63.)
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Marriage to a woman who has committed zina is prohibited until she repents, regardless of whether the man who committed zina with her is the one marrying her or someone else.” (Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents and it is established that her womb is free of pregnancy.” (Ighathat al-Lahfan, 1/67.)
Al-Shanqiti said:
“If the man and woman who committed zina both repent, regret what they did, and resolve not to return to the sin, then their marriage is permissible.” (Adwa’ al-Bayan, 5/427.)
Ibn ‘Uthaymin said:
“It is not permissible for you to marry your daughter to a man who has committed zina until his repentance from zina becomes apparent and his condition becomes upright.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala al-Darb, 10/28.)
It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents, whether the man marrying her is the one who committed zina with her or someone else. This is the position of the Hanbali school and scholars, including Ibn Hazm, Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Shanqiti, and Ibn ‘Uthaymin. (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82; Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Allah says:
“A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers.” [Translation al-Nur 24:3]
Al-Buhuti said:
“If a woman's zina is known, she is prohibited to the man who committed zina with her and to anyone else until she repents and the waiting period has elapsed.” (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82.)
Ibn Hazm said:
“It is not permissible for a woman who has committed zina to marry anyone—neither a man who commits zina nor a chaste man—until she repents.” (Al-Muhalla, 9/63.)
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Marriage to a woman who has committed zina is prohibited until she repents, regardless of whether the man who committed zina with her is the one marrying her or someone else.” (Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents and it is established that her womb is free of pregnancy.” (Ighathat al-Lahfan, 1/67.)
Al-Shanqiti said:
“If the man and woman who committed zina both repent, regret what they did, and resolve not to return to the sin, then their marriage is permissible.” (Adwa’ al-Bayan, 5/427.)
Ibn ‘Uthaymin said:
“It is not permissible for you to marry your daughter to a man who has committed zina until his repentance from zina becomes apparent and his condition becomes upright.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala al-Darb, 10/28.)
My sister, good marriages aren’t always showcased on social media.
In real life, there are intentional couples who support, grow, and show up for each other with love and care.
No, their marriage isn’t perfect.
But it’s not toxic, cold, or performative.
It’s real, built on mutual respect, effort, and prayer (dua).
In real life, there are intentional couples who support, grow, and show up for each other with love and care.
No, their marriage isn’t perfect.
But it’s not toxic, cold, or performative.
It’s real, built on mutual respect, effort, and prayer (dua).
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🌿 A Righteous Spouse Does Not Mean a Marriage Without Tests
Ibn Naṣr al-Faqīh رحمه الله said:
“I married a woman who had memorised the Book of Allah, memorised al-Muwaṭṭaʾ, and was devoted to worship. Yet despite all of that, I never had three consecutive days of happiness with her.”
📚 Al-Riyāḍ | 2/186
🌿 A Reminder:
Even when a person marries someone righteous, knowledgeable and devoted to worship, marriage can still have difficulties and tests.
Do not expect perfection from your spouse. Marriage requires patience, good character, forgiveness, overlooking faults, and continuing to treat one another well.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
📚 Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim | 1469
So focus on the good in your spouse, be patient with their shortcomings, and remember that a successful marriage is not one without problems, but one in which both spouses keep striving to please Allah and treat each other well.
And Allah knows best.
Ibn Naṣr al-Faqīh رحمه الله said:
“I married a woman who had memorised the Book of Allah, memorised al-Muwaṭṭaʾ, and was devoted to worship. Yet despite all of that, I never had three consecutive days of happiness with her.”
📚 Al-Riyāḍ | 2/186
🌿 A Reminder:
Even when a person marries someone righteous, knowledgeable and devoted to worship, marriage can still have difficulties and tests.
Do not expect perfection from your spouse. Marriage requires patience, good character, forgiveness, overlooking faults, and continuing to treat one another well.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
📚 Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim | 1469
So focus on the good in your spouse, be patient with their shortcomings, and remember that a successful marriage is not one without problems, but one in which both spouses keep striving to please Allah and treat each other well.
And Allah knows best.
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One of the dangers facing modern marriages is the habit of turning private marital disagreements into public entertainment. If you want to know what's happening in some people's marital relationships, just check their social media handles. Some partners have videos or messages of insults and attacks that fit the disagreements in their marriages.
A husband and wife may disagree in the morning, and before evening, Facebook, WhatsApp status, TikTok, or Instagram followers are already on it. Sometimes, the person does not mention their spouse's name, but the message is so obvious that friends, relatives, and colleagues know exactly who the post is about.
The problem is not just the social media post; it is the intention to embarrass, punish, provoke, or recruit outsiders against one's spouse. If private conversations have failed and the behaviour continues, consider involving a trustworthy marriage counsellor or a mature mediator acceptable to both partners.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
“And speak to people good [words].”
— Qur'an 2:83. These teachings encourage good speech, responsible conflict resolution, and fair intervention. A spouse should not use public humiliation as a weapon against the other.
'Abu Sheikh, what if the spouse refuses to change?' If you have communicated respectfully, established boundaries, and sought reasonable help, but your spouse continues to humiliate you publicly, you must consider the long-term impact on your emotional well-being, family life, and children.
Marriage requires patience, but patience does not mean accepting endless humiliation without seeking a solution. You may win public sympathy and still lose trust in your marriage. You may receive hundreds of comments supporting you and still fail to resolve the problem that caused the disagreement.
A mature spouse does not use private disagreements to destroy the public image of the person they claim to love. We should be aware of the consequences of this action. As a spouse, whenever your husband or wife requires reconciliation through dialogue or counseling sessions, please acknowledge it as a step in the right direction.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
A husband and wife may disagree in the morning, and before evening, Facebook, WhatsApp status, TikTok, or Instagram followers are already on it. Sometimes, the person does not mention their spouse's name, but the message is so obvious that friends, relatives, and colleagues know exactly who the post is about.
The problem is not just the social media post; it is the intention to embarrass, punish, provoke, or recruit outsiders against one's spouse. If private conversations have failed and the behaviour continues, consider involving a trustworthy marriage counsellor or a mature mediator acceptable to both partners.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
“And speak to people good [words].”
— Qur'an 2:83. These teachings encourage good speech, responsible conflict resolution, and fair intervention. A spouse should not use public humiliation as a weapon against the other.
'Abu Sheikh, what if the spouse refuses to change?' If you have communicated respectfully, established boundaries, and sought reasonable help, but your spouse continues to humiliate you publicly, you must consider the long-term impact on your emotional well-being, family life, and children.
Marriage requires patience, but patience does not mean accepting endless humiliation without seeking a solution. You may win public sympathy and still lose trust in your marriage. You may receive hundreds of comments supporting you and still fail to resolve the problem that caused the disagreement.
A mature spouse does not use private disagreements to destroy the public image of the person they claim to love. We should be aware of the consequences of this action. As a spouse, whenever your husband or wife requires reconciliation through dialogue or counseling sessions, please acknowledge it as a step in the right direction.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
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THE CYCLE OF FATHERHOOD:
1. Absent father - unanswered questions.
2. Unreliable father - broken trust.
3. Angry father - fearful children.
4. Humiliated son - wounded confidence.
5. Emotionally distant father - children hiding their pain.
6. Irresponsible father - children forced to grow up early.
7. Present father - children who feel seen.
8. Consistent father - children who feel secure.
9. Respectful father - sons who learn self-control.
10. Loving father - daughters who know their worth.
11. Wise father - children who learn from mistakes.
12. Healing father - a family that breaks old patterns.
1. Absent father - unanswered questions.
2. Unreliable father - broken trust.
3. Angry father - fearful children.
4. Humiliated son - wounded confidence.
5. Emotionally distant father - children hiding their pain.
6. Irresponsible father - children forced to grow up early.
7. Present father - children who feel seen.
8. Consistent father - children who feel secure.
9. Respectful father - sons who learn self-control.
10. Loving father - daughters who know their worth.
11. Wise father - children who learn from mistakes.
12. Healing father - a family that breaks old patterns.
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As a husband, when you travel and you are coming back home, let your wife know. Don't just come home unexpectedly and call it a “surprise.”
The Prophet taught us not to return to our families unexpectedly after being away for a long time. Jabir narrated that when they returned from a journey, the Prophet salalaahu Alaihi wasalam told them to wait so that their wives would have time to prepare themselves.
The Prophet said:
“When anyone of you is away from his house for a long time, he should not return to his family at night.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 5244
And in Sahih Muslim, Jabir narrated that the Prophet told them to wait so that the woman whose husband had been away could groom and prepare herself.
This shows consideration for one's wife. ❤️
So, husbands, when you're travelling and you're on your way home, let your wife know. Give her time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, put herself together and welcome you happily.
Sometimes, loving your wife means giving her the opportunity to prepare for your return.
With today, things are made easily,PHONE her.
By doing so, your wife will have time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, and make herself look nice for your return.
The Prophet taught us not to return to our families unexpectedly after being away for a long time. Jabir narrated that when they returned from a journey, the Prophet salalaahu Alaihi wasalam told them to wait so that their wives would have time to prepare themselves.
The Prophet said:
“When anyone of you is away from his house for a long time, he should not return to his family at night.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 5244
And in Sahih Muslim, Jabir narrated that the Prophet told them to wait so that the woman whose husband had been away could groom and prepare herself.
This shows consideration for one's wife. ❤️
So, husbands, when you're travelling and you're on your way home, let your wife know. Give her time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, put herself together and welcome you happily.
Sometimes, loving your wife means giving her the opportunity to prepare for your return.
With today, things are made easily,PHONE her.
By doing so, your wife will have time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, and make herself look nice for your return.
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Untouchable men are top tier. The ones who know their worth, respect themselves, and don't need attention from every girl to feel like a man. They have goals to chase, money to make, and a future to build.
A man who stays loyal, minds his own business, and protects his peace is attractive without even trying. He's not out here entertaining everyone because he knows what he wants, and that's what makes him different.
A man who stays loyal, minds his own business, and protects his peace is attractive without even trying. He's not out here entertaining everyone because he knows what he wants, and that's what makes him different.
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Al-Rūyānī:
"An old man is not a suitable match for a young woman, and an ignorant man is not a suitable match for a woman of knowledge."
[l'anat al-Țalibin - Vol. 3, p. 381]
"An old man is not a suitable match for a young woman, and an ignorant man is not a suitable match for a woman of knowledge."
[l'anat al-Țalibin - Vol. 3, p. 381]
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Muslim lady: "My eyebrows are too thick, may I pluck them?"
Well, a driving force behind this request or thought goes back to the trends and fashions of the day. Are thin eyebrows more attractive than thick ones, or do ladies feel that it is the other way around?
Reality is that the fashion before was that women plucked the heck out of their eyebrows to the point that they would just draw them on their foreheads.
Then came the fashion of having thick eyebrows, and some ladies who plucked before are trying to find ways to thicken their eyebrows again.
Moral of the story?
Sister, both thin and thick eyebrows are attractive, be content with how Allāh created you and heed the warnings of the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ in this regard.
Remember, the fashion trends changing shows you that it is a matter of taste. Every lady is unique in terms of her face, skin colour, jaw structure, and so on, and Allāh has created us in the best form.
Still not sure? Let me give it to you another way.
We men regard women like fruits, every fruit is of a different shape, colour, smell, taste, and texture, but does that mean that each one of us only likes one fruit? Of course not, let it be a fruit salad.
Well, a driving force behind this request or thought goes back to the trends and fashions of the day. Are thin eyebrows more attractive than thick ones, or do ladies feel that it is the other way around?
Reality is that the fashion before was that women plucked the heck out of their eyebrows to the point that they would just draw them on their foreheads.
Then came the fashion of having thick eyebrows, and some ladies who plucked before are trying to find ways to thicken their eyebrows again.
Moral of the story?
Sister, both thin and thick eyebrows are attractive, be content with how Allāh created you and heed the warnings of the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ in this regard.
Remember, the fashion trends changing shows you that it is a matter of taste. Every lady is unique in terms of her face, skin colour, jaw structure, and so on, and Allāh has created us in the best form.
Still not sure? Let me give it to you another way.
We men regard women like fruits, every fruit is of a different shape, colour, smell, taste, and texture, but does that mean that each one of us only likes one fruit? Of course not, let it be a fruit salad.
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Marriage, Divorce, and Social Media
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she told me that there is an ever-growing phenomenon in the American city in which she lives: Muslim couples getting divorced left and right.
"Why are all these people getting divorced? Is there a common root cause?" I asked her.
Her reply was succinct: "Social media."
Several months ago, I met up with another sister who said something very similar to me, describing the current situation in her town, in a different American state.
In my own experience, I've also come across cases of this very thing happening.
What is going on?
Social media is a tool, like a knife or a car or any kind of device. We can use it to bring about good, or we can use it to bring about our own destruction.
But the danger that is specific to social media, whether Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever newer thing exists nowadays, is that it carries certain distinct risks that can erode our faith, our iman, along with our marriage.
What are some of these problems with social media?
1. Distraction:
Let's face it. Facebook is addictive. So is Instagram. So is Twitter, if you don't mind the levels of insanity some folks on there regularly sink to. On all of these platforms, you just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Stuff keeps coming up! Endless entertainment. Perpetual amusement. You jump from one person's profile to another's, and go through all their pictures, and click on a name they tagged to see *that* person's page. The fun pretty much trots itself out before you; all you have to do is keep moving your index finger on the screen.
Next to this endless stream of gossip and intrigue, the conversation your spouse can offer you pales in comparison. And that's IF your spouse is even trying to engage you in conversation. Your husband is most likely on his own phone, intently following a fight on Twitter. Your wife is scrolling through pictures of other people's lives on Insta, wrapped up in their world. This couple might even be chilling on the couch together, after dinner and after the kids are in bed--looking at their phones instead of at each other. They're talking to other people online instead of to each other in real life. Where's the connection there? Where's the spark?
The marriage weakens while neither party is paying attention. The husband and wife are both otherwise occupied. It starts slow but it builds up over time. Communication, eye contact, and frequent conversations give way to silence, the glow of screens, and eyes glued to devices. If this trend of distraction keep going unchecked, a noticeable distance is created between husband and wife. All of a sudden, she says that she feels like they "don't really have much in common anymore." He says that they've "kind of drifted apart."
2. Gender barrier erosion:
Social media tends to dissolve the barrier between the genders, since we are all sitting behind the cover of a screen and not physically in the presence of others. The same types of strict observations of hayaa حياء (modesty), for people who try to observe them, seem to be easier to let go of when the interaction is entirely electronic.
Whereas in person, many Muslims would refrain from staring directly into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex, online some would feel no qualms staring at a picture of a member of the opposite sex. Whereas in person, many Muslims would feel reluctant to have a long drawn-out conversation about personal stuff with a non-mahram, online it becomes somehow easier to open up to a non-mahram about deeply private situations. The usually-rigid barrier of modesty that exists in person becomes relaxed online.
When that happens, a relationship starts to unravel fast. All of a sudden, a man starts to unburden himself to another woman: he shares his trouble at work, his frustrations in life, even his problems with his wife at home, and this other sister he's messaging is a sympathetic listener.
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she told me that there is an ever-growing phenomenon in the American city in which she lives: Muslim couples getting divorced left and right.
"Why are all these people getting divorced? Is there a common root cause?" I asked her.
Her reply was succinct: "Social media."
Several months ago, I met up with another sister who said something very similar to me, describing the current situation in her town, in a different American state.
In my own experience, I've also come across cases of this very thing happening.
What is going on?
Social media is a tool, like a knife or a car or any kind of device. We can use it to bring about good, or we can use it to bring about our own destruction.
But the danger that is specific to social media, whether Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever newer thing exists nowadays, is that it carries certain distinct risks that can erode our faith, our iman, along with our marriage.
What are some of these problems with social media?
1. Distraction:
Let's face it. Facebook is addictive. So is Instagram. So is Twitter, if you don't mind the levels of insanity some folks on there regularly sink to. On all of these platforms, you just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Stuff keeps coming up! Endless entertainment. Perpetual amusement. You jump from one person's profile to another's, and go through all their pictures, and click on a name they tagged to see *that* person's page. The fun pretty much trots itself out before you; all you have to do is keep moving your index finger on the screen.
Next to this endless stream of gossip and intrigue, the conversation your spouse can offer you pales in comparison. And that's IF your spouse is even trying to engage you in conversation. Your husband is most likely on his own phone, intently following a fight on Twitter. Your wife is scrolling through pictures of other people's lives on Insta, wrapped up in their world. This couple might even be chilling on the couch together, after dinner and after the kids are in bed--looking at their phones instead of at each other. They're talking to other people online instead of to each other in real life. Where's the connection there? Where's the spark?
The marriage weakens while neither party is paying attention. The husband and wife are both otherwise occupied. It starts slow but it builds up over time. Communication, eye contact, and frequent conversations give way to silence, the glow of screens, and eyes glued to devices. If this trend of distraction keep going unchecked, a noticeable distance is created between husband and wife. All of a sudden, she says that she feels like they "don't really have much in common anymore." He says that they've "kind of drifted apart."
2. Gender barrier erosion:
Social media tends to dissolve the barrier between the genders, since we are all sitting behind the cover of a screen and not physically in the presence of others. The same types of strict observations of hayaa حياء (modesty), for people who try to observe them, seem to be easier to let go of when the interaction is entirely electronic.
Whereas in person, many Muslims would refrain from staring directly into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex, online some would feel no qualms staring at a picture of a member of the opposite sex. Whereas in person, many Muslims would feel reluctant to have a long drawn-out conversation about personal stuff with a non-mahram, online it becomes somehow easier to open up to a non-mahram about deeply private situations. The usually-rigid barrier of modesty that exists in person becomes relaxed online.
When that happens, a relationship starts to unravel fast. All of a sudden, a man starts to unburden himself to another woman: he shares his trouble at work, his frustrations in life, even his problems with his wife at home, and this other sister he's messaging is a sympathetic listener.
👍1
He finds solace and emotional intimacy elsewhere, with a woman who's not his wife.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
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For a MARRIAGE to really work, you gotta understand this: You and your partner are TWO different people, with two different pasts, trying to build ONE future.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
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Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
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There are no experts in marriage.
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
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