Sheikh as-Sa'di:
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
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HE IS Husband not HusBANK
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
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A brother wrote to me recently. He's speaking with a sister seriously. He loves her deen, her character, her values and her akhlaq. He feels they're compatible, he's attracted to her, and he's made istikharah. He told me he's never felt this way about anyone before. Even so, a thought keeps coming back: she isn't the type I imagined. His mind keeps comparing her with other attractive people, and it's stopping him from moving forward. He doesn't like that he thinks this way.
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
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You can be married to the worst man ever, like Asiyah (RA) married Fir awn but it didn't change her love and loyalty for Allah.
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
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🍁No Woman is Faultless, so be Content with what Allah has Given You🍁
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
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Middle aged women are divorcing their husbands because their husbands aren't adding anything to their lives but stress. Hope this helps those of you who seem confused.
At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this relationship actually making my life better, or am I just getting better at surviving it?"
Many middle-aged women aren't divorcing because they suddenly hate marriage, stopped believing in love, or want to chase a new relationship. They're leaving because they've spent years trying to make a partnership work while carrying the emotional weight of two people.
They're tired of being someone's wife, mother, therapist, housekeeper, personal assistant, emotional punching bag, and life manager all at once.
They're tired of having to beg for basic consideration, explain the same problems repeatedly, and feel lonely while sharing a home with someone.
And here's what people often fail to understand: A woman can love her husband and still recognize that her marriage is costing her more than it's giving her.
By middle age, many women have raised children, built careers, survived difficult seasons, sacrificed their dreams, and put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. Eventually, they start wondering what the next chapter of their lives could look like if they finally included themselves.
They don't necessarily want another man. Some want their own space, financial independence, peaceful mornings, genuine friendships, travel, hobbies, and the freedom to make decisions without constantly managing another adult's emotions.
They aren't afraid of being alone anymore. They're afraid of spending another decade feeling alone in a marriage.
Marriage should bring companionship, support, laughter, security, and shared responsibility. It shouldn't feel like another full-time job that drains the life out of you.
And no, wanting peace isn't selfish. Wanting a partnership isn't asking for too much. Wanting to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build isn't a crime.
Sometimes a woman isn't walking away from marriage because she expects too much. She's walking away because she's been accepting too little for far too long.
And perhaps the most beautiful part of starting over is realizing that your life doesn't have to end just because a marriage does.
#divorcelawyerdenise #betrayaltrauma #narcissisticsupply #narcissisticabuse
At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this relationship actually making my life better, or am I just getting better at surviving it?"
Many middle-aged women aren't divorcing because they suddenly hate marriage, stopped believing in love, or want to chase a new relationship. They're leaving because they've spent years trying to make a partnership work while carrying the emotional weight of two people.
They're tired of being someone's wife, mother, therapist, housekeeper, personal assistant, emotional punching bag, and life manager all at once.
They're tired of having to beg for basic consideration, explain the same problems repeatedly, and feel lonely while sharing a home with someone.
And here's what people often fail to understand: A woman can love her husband and still recognize that her marriage is costing her more than it's giving her.
By middle age, many women have raised children, built careers, survived difficult seasons, sacrificed their dreams, and put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. Eventually, they start wondering what the next chapter of their lives could look like if they finally included themselves.
They don't necessarily want another man. Some want their own space, financial independence, peaceful mornings, genuine friendships, travel, hobbies, and the freedom to make decisions without constantly managing another adult's emotions.
They aren't afraid of being alone anymore. They're afraid of spending another decade feeling alone in a marriage.
Marriage should bring companionship, support, laughter, security, and shared responsibility. It shouldn't feel like another full-time job that drains the life out of you.
And no, wanting peace isn't selfish. Wanting a partnership isn't asking for too much. Wanting to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build isn't a crime.
Sometimes a woman isn't walking away from marriage because she expects too much. She's walking away because she's been accepting too little for far too long.
And perhaps the most beautiful part of starting over is realizing that your life doesn't have to end just because a marriage does.
#divorcelawyerdenise #betrayaltrauma #narcissisticsupply #narcissisticabuse
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Muslim Marriage Tips pinned «Middle aged women are divorcing their husbands because their husbands aren't adding anything to their lives but stress. Hope this helps those of you who seem confused. At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this…»
Marriage tips [follows below]:
The poet said:
كَمْ مُهْرَةٍ عَرَبيَّةٍ قَدْ زُوِّجَتْ
خَوْفَ العُنُوسَةِ مِنْ حِمارٍ ناهِقِ!
'𝘋𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦,
𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴,
𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴.'
Just because a horse and a donkey can reproduce, it does not mean they should! : )
Don't rush these things, it is better to be single, than to be stuck in a bad relationship.
It's like being late for work and jumping on any train that comes regardless of where it is going! You wouldn't do that. That will make things worse, because that train may take you even further away from your goal.
Be patient, and choose very carefully ...
Look for someone who is religiously committed, well-mannered, financially strong, caring, good looking, etc.
But remember this - I'm going to be real and brutally honest, to help you, so don't take it personally:
- Don't delay: Don't prioritise your career and studies over marriage. Especially as a woman. Women loose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30. We all have a shelf-life, after a certain age, our beauty fades and we become less-marketable. If you miss this window of opportunity, if you pass your prime - your choices will be limited. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
- The clock is ticking: You have to make the moves. Don't wait for the prince in the shining armour to come for you. Don’t think a man will fall in your lap. You have to network and get people to get your name out there.
- Lower your expectations: You have to compromise and if a person's good outweighs their bad, then go for it. Nobody is perfect. You yourself are imperfect. Don't expect perfection, because you will be waiting forever. Soon, wrinkles and grey hair will appear and your options will become even more limited!
- Don't over-price yourself: Don't demand a very high dowry, extravagant wedding ceremonies, tons of gold, and other big financial demands etc. Good men will skip you and consider other options. It's not like you're the only option out there. There are plenty of options.
- Beware of harsh realities in the society: if you were previously married, or already have children, your value and demand drops by 90%. Like a new TV is not worth the same as a previously used TV. This is not how humans should be valued, but this is how it is out there, so remember and don’t be oblivious to these realities and adjust your expectations accordingly.
- In the eyes of men, the worth of a woman does not increase by her having a PHD, or her having a lot of money or having multiple jobs etc. Women look for these things in men, and rightly so, but they mistakenly think that men are also looking for these same things in women, which is not true! There is nothing wrong with women studying and working if the Shariah limits aren't breached, but some women think they will be more marriageable once they have these things and this isn't true. The man is hard-wired to provide these things for you. The man wants to be like that hunter, who comes home with the leg of a deer on his shoulder! Men and women are different. They complete each other. They shouldn't compete with each other.
If you ignore these rules, you may be a pure breed horse, which ends up with a donkey.
The poet said:
كَمْ مُهْرَةٍ عَرَبيَّةٍ قَدْ زُوِّجَتْ
خَوْفَ العُنُوسَةِ مِنْ حِمارٍ ناهِقِ!
'𝘋𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦,
𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴,
𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴.'
Just because a horse and a donkey can reproduce, it does not mean they should! : )
Don't rush these things, it is better to be single, than to be stuck in a bad relationship.
It's like being late for work and jumping on any train that comes regardless of where it is going! You wouldn't do that. That will make things worse, because that train may take you even further away from your goal.
Be patient, and choose very carefully ...
Look for someone who is religiously committed, well-mannered, financially strong, caring, good looking, etc.
But remember this - I'm going to be real and brutally honest, to help you, so don't take it personally:
- Don't delay: Don't prioritise your career and studies over marriage. Especially as a woman. Women loose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30. We all have a shelf-life, after a certain age, our beauty fades and we become less-marketable. If you miss this window of opportunity, if you pass your prime - your choices will be limited. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
- The clock is ticking: You have to make the moves. Don't wait for the prince in the shining armour to come for you. Don’t think a man will fall in your lap. You have to network and get people to get your name out there.
- Lower your expectations: You have to compromise and if a person's good outweighs their bad, then go for it. Nobody is perfect. You yourself are imperfect. Don't expect perfection, because you will be waiting forever. Soon, wrinkles and grey hair will appear and your options will become even more limited!
- Don't over-price yourself: Don't demand a very high dowry, extravagant wedding ceremonies, tons of gold, and other big financial demands etc. Good men will skip you and consider other options. It's not like you're the only option out there. There are plenty of options.
- Beware of harsh realities in the society: if you were previously married, or already have children, your value and demand drops by 90%. Like a new TV is not worth the same as a previously used TV. This is not how humans should be valued, but this is how it is out there, so remember and don’t be oblivious to these realities and adjust your expectations accordingly.
- In the eyes of men, the worth of a woman does not increase by her having a PHD, or her having a lot of money or having multiple jobs etc. Women look for these things in men, and rightly so, but they mistakenly think that men are also looking for these same things in women, which is not true! There is nothing wrong with women studying and working if the Shariah limits aren't breached, but some women think they will be more marriageable once they have these things and this isn't true. The man is hard-wired to provide these things for you. The man wants to be like that hunter, who comes home with the leg of a deer on his shoulder! Men and women are different. They complete each other. They shouldn't compete with each other.
If you ignore these rules, you may be a pure breed horse, which ends up with a donkey.
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Do not marry into a family where men have lost their dignity, and do not marry into a family where women dominate men. Instead, marry into a respectable family with a responsible father who fulfills his role and a God-fearing, righteous mother.
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How strange that we can accept following the rules and regulations of clubs, universities, colleges, associations etc, but we have a million and one objections when it comes to following the rules of Allah.
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Firawn's pride made him think he could challenge Allah.
Qarun's pride made him forget who gave him his wealth.
Iblis' pride made him refuse to bow to Adam (AS)
Different lives.
Different sins.
Same disease: arrogance
Qarun's pride made him forget who gave him his wealth.
Iblis' pride made him refuse to bow to Adam (AS)
Different lives.
Different sins.
Same disease: arrogance
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Preparing for Marriage Before Marriage
Given the recent surge in divorce and khulʿ cases, the worsening of marital problems and disputes, and the resulting breakup of families and loss of children, we must take an honest look at ourselves and reassess how we raise our sons and daughters, and the ideas we instill in them about marriage and family life.
I swear to God, a young man who graduated from a military college told me that many of his fellow officers married after graduation but divorced their wives after just a few months. Some developed a phobia of marriage, a reaction to what they hear and see in society, and so they shunned marriage despite being upright and righteous.
They all say the reason is that girls have become far too permissive and are unwilling to take responsibility for the home. They cannot even make coffee or tea properly, do not clean or tidy their homes, and justify this by saying they are not used to it. Yet they refuse to learn and ask for a maid.
Sometimes we have to swear that what we are saying is true and that it really happened, because some people with no decency feel compelled to call others liars and object to everything that is said.
What I want to convey to society as a whole, especially to fathers and mothers, is this:
Prepare your daughters for the responsibilities of married life before marriage comes knocking at their doors!
My message to every father and mother: Do not settle for teaching your daughters academic subjects and helping them earn qualifications, and do not focus all your attention on appearances and luxuries. Instead, teach them life skills, raise them to take responsibility, get them used to doing housework—cooking, washing, tidying, and cleaning—and teach them that married life is about sharing, cooperation, effort, and giving, not merely making demands, asserting rights, and waiting for the other person to serve them.
Teach them to respect and appreciate their husbands, treat them well, be patient with their mistakes, overlook some faults, choose kind words when angry, and avoid stubbornness, obstinacy, and raising their voices. Teach them not to turn every small problem into a battle over dignity, or every passing disagreement into a threat of separation or a demand for divorce or khulʿ.
Teach them that marriage is not a pleasure trip or a life free of responsibilities and annoyances, but a solemn covenant, a source of comfort, affection, and mercy that requires patience, wisdom, mutual compromise, and kindness.
When a husband takes on debt and loans that will take years to repay, and covers the costs of the wedding and furnishing the home, he is seeking comfort, happiness, and peace of mind. He wants a righteous, obedient, calm wife, not a stubborn, rebellious one.
Likewise, teach your sons that a wife is not a maid, that being the head of the household is a responsibility, not an excuse for domination, and that manhood lies not in harshness and imposing one's views, but in kindness, mercy, providing for the family, emotional support, and appreciation. The best of men are those who are best to their families.
O fathers and mothers:
Do not spoil your daughters with excessive pampering, or instill in them the belief that compromising on some things is weakness and that every call for patience is an affront to their dignity. Nor should you instill in your sons the belief that a wife is expected to obey and serve without having any right to respect and appreciation.
A daughter who does not learn to take responsibility in her parents' home may struggle to manage her own home in the future, and a son who does not learn mercy and kindness may be unable to build a stable family.
A wife must learn the duties that pure Islamic law requires of her. She must know that her husband is both her paradise and her hell, as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, and that no right after God's is greater than her husband's. She must also know that her husband's rights take precedence over her parents' rights.
Given the recent surge in divorce and khulʿ cases, the worsening of marital problems and disputes, and the resulting breakup of families and loss of children, we must take an honest look at ourselves and reassess how we raise our sons and daughters, and the ideas we instill in them about marriage and family life.
I swear to God, a young man who graduated from a military college told me that many of his fellow officers married after graduation but divorced their wives after just a few months. Some developed a phobia of marriage, a reaction to what they hear and see in society, and so they shunned marriage despite being upright and righteous.
They all say the reason is that girls have become far too permissive and are unwilling to take responsibility for the home. They cannot even make coffee or tea properly, do not clean or tidy their homes, and justify this by saying they are not used to it. Yet they refuse to learn and ask for a maid.
Sometimes we have to swear that what we are saying is true and that it really happened, because some people with no decency feel compelled to call others liars and object to everything that is said.
What I want to convey to society as a whole, especially to fathers and mothers, is this:
Prepare your daughters for the responsibilities of married life before marriage comes knocking at their doors!
My message to every father and mother: Do not settle for teaching your daughters academic subjects and helping them earn qualifications, and do not focus all your attention on appearances and luxuries. Instead, teach them life skills, raise them to take responsibility, get them used to doing housework—cooking, washing, tidying, and cleaning—and teach them that married life is about sharing, cooperation, effort, and giving, not merely making demands, asserting rights, and waiting for the other person to serve them.
Teach them to respect and appreciate their husbands, treat them well, be patient with their mistakes, overlook some faults, choose kind words when angry, and avoid stubbornness, obstinacy, and raising their voices. Teach them not to turn every small problem into a battle over dignity, or every passing disagreement into a threat of separation or a demand for divorce or khulʿ.
Teach them that marriage is not a pleasure trip or a life free of responsibilities and annoyances, but a solemn covenant, a source of comfort, affection, and mercy that requires patience, wisdom, mutual compromise, and kindness.
When a husband takes on debt and loans that will take years to repay, and covers the costs of the wedding and furnishing the home, he is seeking comfort, happiness, and peace of mind. He wants a righteous, obedient, calm wife, not a stubborn, rebellious one.
Likewise, teach your sons that a wife is not a maid, that being the head of the household is a responsibility, not an excuse for domination, and that manhood lies not in harshness and imposing one's views, but in kindness, mercy, providing for the family, emotional support, and appreciation. The best of men are those who are best to their families.
O fathers and mothers:
Do not spoil your daughters with excessive pampering, or instill in them the belief that compromising on some things is weakness and that every call for patience is an affront to their dignity. Nor should you instill in your sons the belief that a wife is expected to obey and serve without having any right to respect and appreciation.
A daughter who does not learn to take responsibility in her parents' home may struggle to manage her own home in the future, and a son who does not learn mercy and kindness may be unable to build a stable family.
A wife must learn the duties that pure Islamic law requires of her. She must know that her husband is both her paradise and her hell, as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, and that no right after God's is greater than her husband's. She must also know that her husband's rights take precedence over her parents' rights.
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This does not mean turning a daughter into a maid or expecting her to shoulder the burdens of the home alone. Rather, it means teaching her responsibility and how to manage life's affairs, and helping both spouses understand that a family can only succeed through cooperation and each partner complementing the other.
God Almighty says: “And live with them in kindness.” And He says: “And they have rights similar to those over them, according to what is fair.”
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families.”
We need to revive a culture of family life and raise a generation that understands the meaning of marriage, the rights of spouses, patience, respect, sacrifice, and responsibility.
Success is not merely marrying off our sons and daughters. True success lies in raising them well so that they can build good homes, preserve their families, and raise a generation that enjoys stability, affection, and mercy.
Homes are not always destroyed by major problems. They can also be destroyed by a harsh word, repeated stubbornness, a lack of wisdom, and a misunderstanding of what married life means.
Raise your sons and daughters to understand the values of marriage before you rejoice at their weddings, for building a family is a responsibility of upbringing before it is a wedding celebration.
Written by/
Dr. Hussein Al-Fifi
God Almighty says: “And live with them in kindness.” And He says: “And they have rights similar to those over them, according to what is fair.”
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “The best of you are those who are best to their families.”
We need to revive a culture of family life and raise a generation that understands the meaning of marriage, the rights of spouses, patience, respect, sacrifice, and responsibility.
Success is not merely marrying off our sons and daughters. True success lies in raising them well so that they can build good homes, preserve their families, and raise a generation that enjoys stability, affection, and mercy.
Homes are not always destroyed by major problems. They can also be destroyed by a harsh word, repeated stubbornness, a lack of wisdom, and a misunderstanding of what married life means.
Raise your sons and daughters to understand the values of marriage before you rejoice at their weddings, for building a family is a responsibility of upbringing before it is a wedding celebration.
Written by/
Dr. Hussein Al-Fifi
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Imam Malik considers secret marriage = prostitute marriage
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Malik holds that public announcement (iʿlān) of the marriage is obligatory. As for the secret marriage, it belongs to the same category as the marriage of prostitutes.”
▫️Majmūʿ al-Fatāwā, 32/102
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Malik holds that public announcement (iʿlān) of the marriage is obligatory. As for the secret marriage, it belongs to the same category as the marriage of prostitutes.”
▫️Majmūʿ al-Fatāwā, 32/102
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Many of the religious brothers and sisters are committing errors when they prepare to get married. They do not care about personalities, compatibilities and character of the intending partners. They are very quick to fall for 'dress code', rather than considering the person wearing the beard, hijab, Khimar and niqab. The appearance is not the same as the person. If we do not want to change men or women like clothes, we must invest in a proper process before marriage. It is a good thing to carry Islamic apparel and appreance, it will make you unique. But when it comes to relationship and marriage, you need to go further to know the person wearing the appearance through a thorough background check.
This is very important to our teaming sisters, religious people can also make terrible mistakes when choosing partners. 'I want to marry him because of his Deen', that is very good, the religious consideration should top the list, but there are other factors. This is because the person you want to marry is not like the Deen, you are getting married to human, so he has his shortcomings, that he wears beards does not say he can't get angry or disappoint you, that is why all marriage seekers must invest in thorough background check.
Our dress code is our logo, but that is not our character, remember, our beloved Prophet (saw) was described with examplary character, so this is what you should look for in a partner, not appearance. I have always maintained that people can be praying five times daily and they're still not practicing Muslims. If you have the opportunity to listen to some horrible stories coming from our ma sha sisters and what they have gone through in the hands of some brothers, you will feel bad, though, these sisters are to be blamed because they fail to differentiate between religiousity and compatibility. Obviously, religious people without character will treat you like a slave.
Considering the true character is paramount, you do not get know it by what people say of themselves, you get to know it through what you are able to find out, character is more than what we notice about a person from the outside, it is who they are even when no one is watching.
We have taught this in the relationship and marriage class, we have to know that when we want to work on a relationship, it is better to focus on ourselves first, this will help us to understand our needs and wants before selecting a partner, unfortunately so many people want to fix and change the other person. Do not just marry beards, Khimar or Niqab, rather marry the person that wears them.
Always pay attention to details.
COPIED
This is very important to our teaming sisters, religious people can also make terrible mistakes when choosing partners. 'I want to marry him because of his Deen', that is very good, the religious consideration should top the list, but there are other factors. This is because the person you want to marry is not like the Deen, you are getting married to human, so he has his shortcomings, that he wears beards does not say he can't get angry or disappoint you, that is why all marriage seekers must invest in thorough background check.
Our dress code is our logo, but that is not our character, remember, our beloved Prophet (saw) was described with examplary character, so this is what you should look for in a partner, not appearance. I have always maintained that people can be praying five times daily and they're still not practicing Muslims. If you have the opportunity to listen to some horrible stories coming from our ma sha sisters and what they have gone through in the hands of some brothers, you will feel bad, though, these sisters are to be blamed because they fail to differentiate between religiousity and compatibility. Obviously, religious people without character will treat you like a slave.
Considering the true character is paramount, you do not get know it by what people say of themselves, you get to know it through what you are able to find out, character is more than what we notice about a person from the outside, it is who they are even when no one is watching.
We have taught this in the relationship and marriage class, we have to know that when we want to work on a relationship, it is better to focus on ourselves first, this will help us to understand our needs and wants before selecting a partner, unfortunately so many people want to fix and change the other person. Do not just marry beards, Khimar or Niqab, rather marry the person that wears them.
Always pay attention to details.
COPIED
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