Sheikh as-Sa'di:
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
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HE IS Husband not HusBANK
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
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A brother wrote to me recently. He's speaking with a sister seriously. He loves her deen, her character, her values and her akhlaq. He feels they're compatible, he's attracted to her, and he's made istikharah. He told me he's never felt this way about anyone before. Even so, a thought keeps coming back: she isn't the type I imagined. His mind keeps comparing her with other attractive people, and it's stopping him from moving forward. He doesn't like that he thinks this way.
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
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You can be married to the worst man ever, like Asiyah (RA) married Fir awn but it didn't change her love and loyalty for Allah.
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
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🍁No Woman is Faultless, so be Content with what Allah has Given You🍁
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
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