Shaykh Bashir al-Ibrahimi رحمه الله:
"If a woman is ignorant of the religious sciences, she burdens her husband, corrupts her children, and destroys the Ummah."
[Al-Athar, 4/50]
"If a woman is ignorant of the religious sciences, she burdens her husband, corrupts her children, and destroys the Ummah."
[Al-Athar, 4/50]
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The story that shall make you cry, for the great manners of the Prophet (pbuh), and for the man who wanted to commit zina:
Imam Ahmad recorded Abu Umamah saying that a young man came to the Prophet and said,
"O Messenger of Allah! Give me permission to commit Zina (unlawful sex).'' The people surrounded him and rebuked him, saying, "Stop! Stop!'' But the Prophet said,
"Come close."
The young man came to him, and he said:
"Sit down."
So he sat down.
The Prophet pbuh said:
"Would you like it (unlawful sex) for your mother."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their mothers."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your daughter."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their daughters."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your sister."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their sisters."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your paternal aunt."
He said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger! may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their paternal aunts.
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your maternal aunt."
He said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger! may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their maternal aunts."
Then the Prophet put his hand on him and said,
"O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart and guard his chastity."
After that, it is said, the young man never paid attention to anything of that nature.
Imam Ahmad recorded Abu Umamah saying that a young man came to the Prophet and said,
"O Messenger of Allah! Give me permission to commit Zina (unlawful sex).'' The people surrounded him and rebuked him, saying, "Stop! Stop!'' But the Prophet said,
"Come close."
The young man came to him, and he said:
"Sit down."
So he sat down.
The Prophet pbuh said:
"Would you like it (unlawful sex) for your mother."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their mothers."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your daughter."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their daughters."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your sister."
He said, "No, by Allah, may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their sisters."
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your paternal aunt."
He said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger! may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their paternal aunts.
The Prophet said,
"Would you like it for your maternal aunt."
He said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger! may I be ransomed for you.''
The Prophet said,
"Neither do the people like it for their maternal aunts."
Then the Prophet put his hand on him and said,
"O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart and guard his chastity."
After that, it is said, the young man never paid attention to anything of that nature.
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Find yourself a wife who shares your purpose, and there is no purpose higher than seeking the pleasure of الله.
If thats the goal that truly unites you,
then your marriage will be blessed, your bond will be strong, and your love will rest upon the strongest foundation a marriage can have.
Never trade that away for greater beauty, and never be deceived by pictures.
By الله, even if you married the most beautiful woman you have ever seen,
you'll never find peace if your purpose, your priorities, your way of living, and your direction aren't one.
Beauty cannot hold together what conflicting hearts pull apart.
Instead of becoming your place of comfort, the marriage becomes a source of chaos, exhaustion, and sorrow.
Our Creator, said, "A believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she may please you."
And the Prophet ﷺ said, "Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be covered with dust."
The wise man chooses a woman of religion, adorned with modesty and beautiful character,
A woman who seeks to please her husband because she knows that in doing so she seeks the pleasure of her Lord, and who helps him remain firm upon his faith and draws him closer to الله.
I am not telling you to marry a woman who brings you no joy when you look at her.
Physical attraction has its place.
But let your first priority always be her religion, because thats what remains when everything else fades.
Beauty, no matter how extraordinary, eventually becomes familiar.
Faith, character, and righteousness only grow more beautiful with time.
If thats the goal that truly unites you,
then your marriage will be blessed, your bond will be strong, and your love will rest upon the strongest foundation a marriage can have.
Never trade that away for greater beauty, and never be deceived by pictures.
By الله, even if you married the most beautiful woman you have ever seen,
you'll never find peace if your purpose, your priorities, your way of living, and your direction aren't one.
Beauty cannot hold together what conflicting hearts pull apart.
Instead of becoming your place of comfort, the marriage becomes a source of chaos, exhaustion, and sorrow.
Our Creator, said, "A believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she may please you."
And the Prophet ﷺ said, "Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be covered with dust."
The wise man chooses a woman of religion, adorned with modesty and beautiful character,
A woman who seeks to please her husband because she knows that in doing so she seeks the pleasure of her Lord, and who helps him remain firm upon his faith and draws him closer to الله.
I am not telling you to marry a woman who brings you no joy when you look at her.
Physical attraction has its place.
But let your first priority always be her religion, because thats what remains when everything else fades.
Beauty, no matter how extraordinary, eventually becomes familiar.
Faith, character, and righteousness only grow more beautiful with time.
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Teach Your DAUGHTER'S That PolygamY Is SUNNAH So That They Won't See It As A WICKEDNESS If Their Husbands Practice It.
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Women, there are some words you should never say to your husband:
1.“You are very lucky to have me”
2.“I had other men who wanted to marry me, I just settled for you”
3.“My friends’ husbands are better than you”
4.“I regret marrying you”
5.“You will never be enough”
6..“I don’t need you, I can take care of myself”
7.“You’re acting like a child”
8.“I should have listened when people warned me about you”
These words destroy a man’s spirit slowly. Even if you reconcile, things will never be the same again.
Always be careful with what you say to your husbands, words can never be taken back.
1.“You are very lucky to have me”
2.“I had other men who wanted to marry me, I just settled for you”
3.“My friends’ husbands are better than you”
4.“I regret marrying you”
5.“You will never be enough”
6..“I don’t need you, I can take care of myself”
7.“You’re acting like a child”
8.“I should have listened when people warned me about you”
These words destroy a man’s spirit slowly. Even if you reconcile, things will never be the same again.
Always be careful with what you say to your husbands, words can never be taken back.
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Women from hell
There has been an increase in domestic violence of sisters against brothers. Some of them not only physically and verbally abuse, but they also force their husbands to take antidepressants, earn haram income, take riba loans, all under the threat of “I'm going to leave you old and alone, take the kids, the house and tell people lies about you”. These husbands are left subdued, emasculated, anxious, traumatised, drugged and alone.
This is financial, physical, spiritual and psychological abuse and even substance abuse! Why do such women enjoy such neutered, emasculated men out of fear of being controlled and led? Why do the men tolerate being poodles, doormats and victims? It is all so unnatural.
How can men live under such a raging, manipulative woman that resembles all the nasty, depraved women in the Quran and not like any of the virtuous, obedient and submissive women of the Quran? And yet these munafiqaat masquerade around in public and at their workplaces like they are decent people?
A safe space needs to be provided for men to come forward and not feel ashamed or feel like less of a man. Insha'Allah, I will build that space soon as part of my khateeb duties at Al-Madad Outreach. If the system doesn't care, the sharia of Allah (swa) cares. So we should care.
#DomesticViolenceAgainstMen
There has been an increase in domestic violence of sisters against brothers. Some of them not only physically and verbally abuse, but they also force their husbands to take antidepressants, earn haram income, take riba loans, all under the threat of “I'm going to leave you old and alone, take the kids, the house and tell people lies about you”. These husbands are left subdued, emasculated, anxious, traumatised, drugged and alone.
This is financial, physical, spiritual and psychological abuse and even substance abuse! Why do such women enjoy such neutered, emasculated men out of fear of being controlled and led? Why do the men tolerate being poodles, doormats and victims? It is all so unnatural.
How can men live under such a raging, manipulative woman that resembles all the nasty, depraved women in the Quran and not like any of the virtuous, obedient and submissive women of the Quran? And yet these munafiqaat masquerade around in public and at their workplaces like they are decent people?
A safe space needs to be provided for men to come forward and not feel ashamed or feel like less of a man. Insha'Allah, I will build that space soon as part of my khateeb duties at Al-Madad Outreach. If the system doesn't care, the sharia of Allah (swa) cares. So we should care.
#DomesticViolenceAgainstMen
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MARRIAGE WITHOUT PICTURES .
.
Dear newlyweds,
We understand that during the honeymoon season, the euphoria and ecstacy of being with your beloved ones over clouds your sights and your hearing, hence you are tempted to do some crazy things, but please don't sell out your honour and modesty in the name of expressing your joy and love to the world.
.
What we see here and there are pictures of grooms in beards and brides on niqab either chasing eachother under the palm kernel tree or doing jangolova together, no one is declaring it haram to play with your spouse, but not within the glare of the public eye, else it with will cause fitnah to you and to the people.
.
When you upload your wife's picture on the Internet, do you know the number of strange men out there that will download it and be steering at her pix as if she is their own wife? Do you know that some men can even start fantasizing about your wife's picture, they can even inflict the evil on her, the jinn can attack her via her picture and the evil people can even cast sihr against her. Your wife is not an object that you have to display to people as if she is a UEFA champions League trophy.
.
Dear brides,
You and your husband can have all the loved dovey fun at home without bringing it to social media, we are not your in-laws, you don't have to show us that you are living happily ever after. Each time you display your husband's picture on the net, you are not only exposing him to harm, but also displaying him to potential co-wives, so if you put your husband on the show glass and a buyer comes, you will have to sell, since you have presented your husband to be a mere commodity.
.
You refuse to reveal your ATM passwords, you refuse to reveal your BVN number, you refuse to reveal your purse and wallets, you refuse to reveal your device passwords, but you find it so easy to reveal your spouse's pictures to the world? A good matrimonial home can exist without pictures, and it begins with YOU.
.
Dear newlyweds,
We understand that during the honeymoon season, the euphoria and ecstacy of being with your beloved ones over clouds your sights and your hearing, hence you are tempted to do some crazy things, but please don't sell out your honour and modesty in the name of expressing your joy and love to the world.
.
What we see here and there are pictures of grooms in beards and brides on niqab either chasing eachother under the palm kernel tree or doing jangolova together, no one is declaring it haram to play with your spouse, but not within the glare of the public eye, else it with will cause fitnah to you and to the people.
.
When you upload your wife's picture on the Internet, do you know the number of strange men out there that will download it and be steering at her pix as if she is their own wife? Do you know that some men can even start fantasizing about your wife's picture, they can even inflict the evil on her, the jinn can attack her via her picture and the evil people can even cast sihr against her. Your wife is not an object that you have to display to people as if she is a UEFA champions League trophy.
.
Dear brides,
You and your husband can have all the loved dovey fun at home without bringing it to social media, we are not your in-laws, you don't have to show us that you are living happily ever after. Each time you display your husband's picture on the net, you are not only exposing him to harm, but also displaying him to potential co-wives, so if you put your husband on the show glass and a buyer comes, you will have to sell, since you have presented your husband to be a mere commodity.
.
You refuse to reveal your ATM passwords, you refuse to reveal your BVN number, you refuse to reveal your purse and wallets, you refuse to reveal your device passwords, but you find it so easy to reveal your spouse's pictures to the world? A good matrimonial home can exist without pictures, and it begins with YOU.
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Must-do blood tests for couples planning to get married
1. HIV
2. Hepatitis B (HBsAg)
3. Hepatitis C (Anti-HCV)
4. Syphilis (VDRL/RPR)
5. Haemoglobinopathy screening (CBC + HPLC) – thalassaemia, sickle cell, other common variants
6. Blood group + Rh typing
7. HbA1c / fasting blood sugar
8. TSH
❌️Not recommended as routine premarital tests
-Fertility profile (hormone panels, AMH, semen analysis etc. in asymptomatic couples)
-Broad “other STIs” panel without risk factors
-Mental health lab tests
-Vague “common chronic medical conditions” screening without prioritisation
-Routine genetic panels beyond haemoglobinopathies (unless family history or specific indication)
1. HIV
2. Hepatitis B (HBsAg)
3. Hepatitis C (Anti-HCV)
4. Syphilis (VDRL/RPR)
5. Haemoglobinopathy screening (CBC + HPLC) – thalassaemia, sickle cell, other common variants
6. Blood group + Rh typing
7. HbA1c / fasting blood sugar
8. TSH
❌️Not recommended as routine premarital tests
-Fertility profile (hormone panels, AMH, semen analysis etc. in asymptomatic couples)
-Broad “other STIs” panel without risk factors
-Mental health lab tests
-Vague “common chronic medical conditions” screening without prioritisation
-Routine genetic panels beyond haemoglobinopathies (unless family history or specific indication)
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My husband married
another woman. I tried to accept it, but it hurts me deeply and disturbs my peace when I think about it. Am I sinful if I ask for a divorce? (Q&A)
In Islam, a man is permitted to marry more than one wife, provided that he deals with justice and fairness between them. The Qur'an says: “If you fear that you cannot deal justly, then marry only one” (Surah An-Nisa 4:3). Therefore, if a husband has married again while intending to fulfill the rights of both wives, this action itself is not considered a sin in Islam. In such situations, it is often advised that the wife try to remain patient and handle the matter with wisdom, calmness, and dignity, especially if the husband continues to fulfill her rights, maintenance, and responsibilities properly. Patience and tolerance in difficult situations can bring great reward from Allah.
However, Islam also acknowledges a woman’s emotional wellbeing. If the wife finds that the situation causes her serious distress or if the husband fails to fulfill her rights properly, then she may seek separation or divorce. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasized kindness, justice, and fairness within marriage. Therefore, the best approach is first to try communication, patience, and mutual understanding. If the husband is fulfilling his responsibilities and treating both wives fairly, then remaining patient may help preserve the family. But if injustice, neglect, or harm occurs, Islam allows the woman to seek a lawful solution.
O Allah, grant peace and patience to our hearts, guide our families with justice and wisdom, and bless our homes with mercy and understanding. Ameen 🤲
And Allāh knows best.
another woman. I tried to accept it, but it hurts me deeply and disturbs my peace when I think about it. Am I sinful if I ask for a divorce? (Q&A)
In Islam, a man is permitted to marry more than one wife, provided that he deals with justice and fairness between them. The Qur'an says: “If you fear that you cannot deal justly, then marry only one” (Surah An-Nisa 4:3). Therefore, if a husband has married again while intending to fulfill the rights of both wives, this action itself is not considered a sin in Islam. In such situations, it is often advised that the wife try to remain patient and handle the matter with wisdom, calmness, and dignity, especially if the husband continues to fulfill her rights, maintenance, and responsibilities properly. Patience and tolerance in difficult situations can bring great reward from Allah.
However, Islam also acknowledges a woman’s emotional wellbeing. If the wife finds that the situation causes her serious distress or if the husband fails to fulfill her rights properly, then she may seek separation or divorce. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasized kindness, justice, and fairness within marriage. Therefore, the best approach is first to try communication, patience, and mutual understanding. If the husband is fulfilling his responsibilities and treating both wives fairly, then remaining patient may help preserve the family. But if injustice, neglect, or harm occurs, Islam allows the woman to seek a lawful solution.
O Allah, grant peace and patience to our hearts, guide our families with justice and wisdom, and bless our homes with mercy and understanding. Ameen 🤲
And Allāh knows best.
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Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about this very issue. A man came and said: “My father is telling me to divorce my wife.” Imam Ahmad said to him: “Do not divorce her.” He said: “Didn’t the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) tell Ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when ‘Umar told him to do that?” He said: “ (Don’t be full of yourself) Is your father like ‘Umar (who has the insight and wisdom to know which woman is good and which isn’t)?”
Ref: Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/671.
Ref: Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/671.
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If you meet a MARRIED COUPLE who are still in love after many years, you may think, “How lucky they are.” BUT in marriage, there is no such thing as luck. They made many compromises and learned to overlook one another’s faults.
They forgave many mistakes and endured many difficult seasons. They spent years learning to understand one another.
Love has never been a matter of luck. It’s mutual giving, compromise, shared dreams, care, respect, kindness, and patience.
They forgave many mistakes and endured many difficult seasons. They spent years learning to understand one another.
Love has never been a matter of luck. It’s mutual giving, compromise, shared dreams, care, respect, kindness, and patience.
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Forwarded from Muslim Marriage Tips
ARE YOU A FEMINIST?
-If you don't believe in gender roles then you are true feminist.
-If you believe that men and women have equal rights then you are true feminist.
-If you believe that women can also become ruler then again congratulations you are clear feminist.
-If you believe that men and women should have equal opportunities then you are a hard core feminist.
-If you think women should be empowered by making them career ladies then again you are a feminist.
-If you don't believe in gender roles then you are true feminist.
-If you believe that men and women have equal rights then you are true feminist.
-If you believe that women can also become ruler then again congratulations you are clear feminist.
-If you believe that men and women should have equal opportunities then you are a hard core feminist.
-If you think women should be empowered by making them career ladies then again you are a feminist.
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Forwarded from Muslim Marriage Tips
A major reason why many young boys never grow up is because their mothers refuse to let them grow up. They continue to spoil him, baby him, and treat him as a little boy well into his twenties.
Treating a young man as a small child is detrimental to his development. It will stunt his growth and stop him from reaching his full potential.
If you want your sons to become the kind of men that lead society, benefit humanity, and support their own families, then you need to let go, get out of their way, and give them space to grow into real men.
Treating a young man as a small child is detrimental to his development. It will stunt his growth and stop him from reaching his full potential.
If you want your sons to become the kind of men that lead society, benefit humanity, and support their own families, then you need to let go, get out of their way, and give them space to grow into real men.
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The modern Muslim woman:
She demands all her rights while seeking to shed all her responsibilities. She believes in financial support, yet argues over obedience. She cites verses concerning the dowry and bridal gift while overlooking modesty and the tranquility of the home.
She takes from religion whatever agrees with her desires and abandons whatever restricts them.
That is worship according to desire, not devotion to Islamic law
https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips
She demands all her rights while seeking to shed all her responsibilities. She believes in financial support, yet argues over obedience. She cites verses concerning the dowry and bridal gift while overlooking modesty and the tranquility of the home.
She takes from religion whatever agrees with her desires and abandons whatever restricts them.
That is worship according to desire, not devotion to Islamic law
https://t.me/MuslimMarriageTips
Telegram
Muslim Marriage Tips
Most successful couples,r thse,who don’t live according to d expectations of others.Thy don’t look around&try to copy others, instead, thy look towards1 another&start this journey of marriage with trust in Allaah&eachOther.
muslimmarriagetips77@gmail.com
muslimmarriagetips77@gmail.com
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If your husband is broke and struggling to meet up with his financial responsibilities in the home front, and you wish to assist him, are you expecting the reward for giving him helping hand from the Creator or your husband?
When the assistance comes with conditions, let him know. Something like; 'If I help you financially, you must not marry a second wife in future even you are physically and financially comfortable." That will definitely explain your reason for helping him.
A man without the means to cater for one wife must not go into polygyny, except he wants to face the punishment in this world and hereafter because there are consequences for not being fair in his dealings, plural marriage is not for fashion or pride, it is ibadah.
My sister, it is not your duty to spend in marriage, that is the sole responsibility of the man, but when you choose to help, the reward for your financial assistance and support to your husband should come from Allah, because human being can disappoint and betray, Allah will not.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
When the assistance comes with conditions, let him know. Something like; 'If I help you financially, you must not marry a second wife in future even you are physically and financially comfortable." That will definitely explain your reason for helping him.
A man without the means to cater for one wife must not go into polygyny, except he wants to face the punishment in this world and hereafter because there are consequences for not being fair in his dealings, plural marriage is not for fashion or pride, it is ibadah.
My sister, it is not your duty to spend in marriage, that is the sole responsibility of the man, but when you choose to help, the reward for your financial assistance and support to your husband should come from Allah, because human being can disappoint and betray, Allah will not.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
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The story of a young Man who had a habit of looking at women
This young man asked Sheik : I feel guilty about myself for a bad habit i am unable to get rid off !
I can’t stop myself from looking at girls in the market, what should I do?
Sheikh gave him a glass full of milk which was filled upto its edges and asked one of his student to accompany him to the market.
He told his student to beat him in front of everyone if he spilled even a drop of milk.
Ofcourse the young man managed to walk without spilling a drop of milk and returned to the sheikh.
Sheikh asked : How many girls did u see on your way ??
The young man replied: I didn’t see anyone around me as my concentration was only on the glass of milk because i was scared of getting beaten up in front of everyone if i spill milk.
Sheikh Replied: The same is the case with a true Momin/Muslim.
The true believer is afraid of ALLAH and shame on the day of resurrection if he commits a sin …
These believers protect themselves from committing sin as they are always FOCUSED ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT !!
ALLAH says In the Holy Quran:
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, ALLAH is all-aware of what they do.
Al Quran : Surah AL-Noor Verse No. 30.
May Allah protect us from looking at haram things…Ameen…!
This young man asked Sheik : I feel guilty about myself for a bad habit i am unable to get rid off !
I can’t stop myself from looking at girls in the market, what should I do?
Sheikh gave him a glass full of milk which was filled upto its edges and asked one of his student to accompany him to the market.
He told his student to beat him in front of everyone if he spilled even a drop of milk.
Ofcourse the young man managed to walk without spilling a drop of milk and returned to the sheikh.
Sheikh asked : How many girls did u see on your way ??
The young man replied: I didn’t see anyone around me as my concentration was only on the glass of milk because i was scared of getting beaten up in front of everyone if i spill milk.
Sheikh Replied: The same is the case with a true Momin/Muslim.
The true believer is afraid of ALLAH and shame on the day of resurrection if he commits a sin …
These believers protect themselves from committing sin as they are always FOCUSED ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT !!
ALLAH says In the Holy Quran:
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, ALLAH is all-aware of what they do.
Al Quran : Surah AL-Noor Verse No. 30.
May Allah protect us from looking at haram things…Ameen…!
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Quitting Porn and Masturbation
Two things can not remain simultaneously with a muslim; strong eemaan (faith) and addiction to sin. Some sins are so detrimental to eemaan that a muslim does not remain a muslim while in the state of committing the act. So the faith of a muslim while he is committing zina (fornication/Adultery) or stealing for instance leaves him and hovers above him like a cloud and only returns to him after he stops the act! Imagine if he died in that state!
So, does the one who watches porn realise the urgent need to quit the filthy act? Does he not think that Allaah is oft-forgiving (forgetting He is also severe in purnishment)? Does he even fear he could die in that state? What a disgraceful end that would be!
Untill a muslim realises the need to maintain a strong eemaan he would continue to find sins fair seeming! While the one with a strong eemaan feels saddened and remorseful when he falls into sin and hastens to repentance, the one with a weak faith finds excuses to justify his sins and delays repentance!
What follows are just suggestions which are hoped will help the one who genuinely wishes to quit porn addiction (and masturbation) by Allaah's will.
1. Some need therapy.
Some porn addicts need professional counsel and monitoring. They may have lost the self control and discipline to stop on their own. Such are those whom if they find internet access (or any other source) and privacy, there is a 95% certainty they will view pornographic material! Such need medical help or the help and guide of a scholar with experience in dealing with such .
2. Eliminate all links and triggers.
Links are people, things, places and actions that increases your tendency to watch porn. It is important to mention here the need to keep the company of the pious; people who remind you of Allaah and what is good, rather than those who make fitnah and haraam seem attractive and call you to it. If you are trying to quit porn addiction, you have to quit bad company!
Triggers are things that may cause you to relapse back to watching porn after having tried to quit. Chief among triggers are movies with sex scenes and nude displays. They may also include erotic novels and magazines, sex chats, free mixing with opposite sex, keeping girlfriends - anything that is likely to incite your urge and cause you to seek for a way to satisfy the urge unlawfully!
3. Get Married at the earliest convenient time.
There is nothing more beautiful than being able to satisfy your urge in a halal manner! Once, the prophet peace be upon him informed the companions saying "it is considered charity for a man to have sexual relations with his wife"! The companions were stunned beyond words! So they asked if a man gets rewarded while he satisfies his urge (through intercourse with his wife)? And the prophet peace be upon him replied "أرأيتم لو وضعها في حرام أكان عليه فيها وزر ؟ فكذلك إذا وضعها في الحلال كان له أجر "
"Do you think if he had satisfied his urge by unlawful means he wouldn't have had a sin for it, such it is that if he satisfies it by lawful means, he gets a reward!"
Allaahu akbar! It's a win win for the married man! He satisfies his urge and he gets a reward, but the unmarried one who resorts to porn and masturbation gets a sin instead and may be disgraced if he doesn't stop. May Allaah make marriage easy for those who need it.
Two things can not remain simultaneously with a muslim; strong eemaan (faith) and addiction to sin. Some sins are so detrimental to eemaan that a muslim does not remain a muslim while in the state of committing the act. So the faith of a muslim while he is committing zina (fornication/Adultery) or stealing for instance leaves him and hovers above him like a cloud and only returns to him after he stops the act! Imagine if he died in that state!
So, does the one who watches porn realise the urgent need to quit the filthy act? Does he not think that Allaah is oft-forgiving (forgetting He is also severe in purnishment)? Does he even fear he could die in that state? What a disgraceful end that would be!
Untill a muslim realises the need to maintain a strong eemaan he would continue to find sins fair seeming! While the one with a strong eemaan feels saddened and remorseful when he falls into sin and hastens to repentance, the one with a weak faith finds excuses to justify his sins and delays repentance!
What follows are just suggestions which are hoped will help the one who genuinely wishes to quit porn addiction (and masturbation) by Allaah's will.
1. Some need therapy.
Some porn addicts need professional counsel and monitoring. They may have lost the self control and discipline to stop on their own. Such are those whom if they find internet access (or any other source) and privacy, there is a 95% certainty they will view pornographic material! Such need medical help or the help and guide of a scholar with experience in dealing with such .
2. Eliminate all links and triggers.
Links are people, things, places and actions that increases your tendency to watch porn. It is important to mention here the need to keep the company of the pious; people who remind you of Allaah and what is good, rather than those who make fitnah and haraam seem attractive and call you to it. If you are trying to quit porn addiction, you have to quit bad company!
Triggers are things that may cause you to relapse back to watching porn after having tried to quit. Chief among triggers are movies with sex scenes and nude displays. They may also include erotic novels and magazines, sex chats, free mixing with opposite sex, keeping girlfriends - anything that is likely to incite your urge and cause you to seek for a way to satisfy the urge unlawfully!
3. Get Married at the earliest convenient time.
There is nothing more beautiful than being able to satisfy your urge in a halal manner! Once, the prophet peace be upon him informed the companions saying "it is considered charity for a man to have sexual relations with his wife"! The companions were stunned beyond words! So they asked if a man gets rewarded while he satisfies his urge (through intercourse with his wife)? And the prophet peace be upon him replied "أرأيتم لو وضعها في حرام أكان عليه فيها وزر ؟ فكذلك إذا وضعها في الحلال كان له أجر "
"Do you think if he had satisfied his urge by unlawful means he wouldn't have had a sin for it, such it is that if he satisfies it by lawful means, he gets a reward!"
Allaahu akbar! It's a win win for the married man! He satisfies his urge and he gets a reward, but the unmarried one who resorts to porn and masturbation gets a sin instead and may be disgraced if he doesn't stop. May Allaah make marriage easy for those who need it.
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30 Timeless Lessons I Wish I Knew Before Marriage
If I could sit down with my 20-year-old self, these are the lessons I would share.
1. Don't spend your life looking for the right spouse. Spend it becoming the right spouse.
2. The quality of your marriage will never consistently exceed the quality of your character.
3. Know your values before you commit your life to someone else's.
4. Have a clear vision for your life before asking someone to share it with you.
5. Shared purpose creates stronger marriages than shared interests.
6. Become someone who genuinely adds value to another person's life.
7. Ask yourself, "Why would someone be better off marrying me?"
8. The greatest gift you can give your future spouse is becoming the best version of yourself.
9. Heal your wounds before they become someone else's burden.
10. Marriage doesn't solve your problems; it reveals them.
11. Emotional intelligence will take your marriage further than chemistry ever will.
12. Learn to regulate your emotions before asking someone else to live with them.
13. Choose someone whose values align with yours, not just your emotions.
14. Character attracts respect; values sustain love.
15. Lower your gaze, and Allah will raise your insight.
16. Guard your eyes, and Allah will guard your heart.
17. A disciplined gaze leads to a discerning heart.
18. Purify your heart before searching for someone to love.
19. The heart you take into marriage is the marriage you will build.
20. Don't neglect your relationship with Allah while searching for a relationship with His creation.
21. Learn to communicate with honesty, wisdom, and respect.
22. Listen to understand, not simply to reply.
23. Conflict is inevitable; disrespect is a choice.
24. Trust is built in small moments and broken in small moments.
25. Protect your heart from pride, ego, and arrogance.
26. Choose humility over being right.
27. Your daily habits become the culture of your future home.
28. Serve each other more than you seek to be served.
29. Build your relationship on taqwa, because everything else will be tested.
30. Prepare for the marriage, not just the wedding.
If I could sit down with my 20-year-old self, these are the lessons I would share.
1. Don't spend your life looking for the right spouse. Spend it becoming the right spouse.
2. The quality of your marriage will never consistently exceed the quality of your character.
3. Know your values before you commit your life to someone else's.
4. Have a clear vision for your life before asking someone to share it with you.
5. Shared purpose creates stronger marriages than shared interests.
6. Become someone who genuinely adds value to another person's life.
7. Ask yourself, "Why would someone be better off marrying me?"
8. The greatest gift you can give your future spouse is becoming the best version of yourself.
9. Heal your wounds before they become someone else's burden.
10. Marriage doesn't solve your problems; it reveals them.
11. Emotional intelligence will take your marriage further than chemistry ever will.
12. Learn to regulate your emotions before asking someone else to live with them.
13. Choose someone whose values align with yours, not just your emotions.
14. Character attracts respect; values sustain love.
15. Lower your gaze, and Allah will raise your insight.
16. Guard your eyes, and Allah will guard your heart.
17. A disciplined gaze leads to a discerning heart.
18. Purify your heart before searching for someone to love.
19. The heart you take into marriage is the marriage you will build.
20. Don't neglect your relationship with Allah while searching for a relationship with His creation.
21. Learn to communicate with honesty, wisdom, and respect.
22. Listen to understand, not simply to reply.
23. Conflict is inevitable; disrespect is a choice.
24. Trust is built in small moments and broken in small moments.
25. Protect your heart from pride, ego, and arrogance.
26. Choose humility over being right.
27. Your daily habits become the culture of your future home.
28. Serve each other more than you seek to be served.
29. Build your relationship on taqwa, because everything else will be tested.
30. Prepare for the marriage, not just the wedding.
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Some people online writing about marriage from a pessimistic perspective hinting at their own experiences even if not stated, know exactly what they did to end up where they are. They just wouldn't mention that for obvious reasons.
Some men that talk about loss of respect from wives know precisely what they did to lose that respect they once had.
Some women that talk about how men change for the worse over time in marriage carefully leave out how unbearable they have become to their husbands.
Some men that talk about how wives become difficult when they become rich deliberately stay silent about how oppressive they were when they ran the show while she had nothing.
Some women that speak bitterly about their divorce and how marriage is a boomerang waiting to happen conveniently leave out the persistent recalcitrant behaviour that was their stock in trade while married till their husband just couldn't take any more of it and let them go.
This is why I am typically indifferent to marital advice that comes from a place of trauma. It is not in my place to judge whether you are truly the victim or just playing the victim. I just know that advice from a fresh or an ongoing traumatic experience is hardly reliable even if you are the victim. This is because of the abundance of emotions that trail it. Ideally, you should heal from it and at least be sincere about your role in what you get if any, before admonishing others.
We need more people with a healthy perspective of marriage talking about marriage. Marital advice shouldn't be a consolation for all that is wrong with your marriage. If you are troubled in or by your marriage, you should be getting advised not giving one.
If you have made up your mind that all men or women are bad, why not step aside and allow others who are still positive about humanity to live in peace? Why strive so hard to drag everyone down your abyss of darkness?
Abu Imrān
Some men that talk about loss of respect from wives know precisely what they did to lose that respect they once had.
Some women that talk about how men change for the worse over time in marriage carefully leave out how unbearable they have become to their husbands.
Some men that talk about how wives become difficult when they become rich deliberately stay silent about how oppressive they were when they ran the show while she had nothing.
Some women that speak bitterly about their divorce and how marriage is a boomerang waiting to happen conveniently leave out the persistent recalcitrant behaviour that was their stock in trade while married till their husband just couldn't take any more of it and let them go.
This is why I am typically indifferent to marital advice that comes from a place of trauma. It is not in my place to judge whether you are truly the victim or just playing the victim. I just know that advice from a fresh or an ongoing traumatic experience is hardly reliable even if you are the victim. This is because of the abundance of emotions that trail it. Ideally, you should heal from it and at least be sincere about your role in what you get if any, before admonishing others.
We need more people with a healthy perspective of marriage talking about marriage. Marital advice shouldn't be a consolation for all that is wrong with your marriage. If you are troubled in or by your marriage, you should be getting advised not giving one.
If you have made up your mind that all men or women are bad, why not step aside and allow others who are still positive about humanity to live in peace? Why strive so hard to drag everyone down your abyss of darkness?
Abu Imrān
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