Why Islam Forbids Relationships Before Marriage ???
Many people in the world today have boyfriends or girlfriends. But in Islam, this is not allowed. Islam teaches us that it is better to wait until we are married to have a close relationship. This is called "pre-marital relationships" and Islam says no to it.
There are several good reasons for this rule.
•> To Protect Your Heart and Emotions -
Having a relationship before marriage can be very hard on the heart. You might fall in love deeply, and then if you break up, it can cause great sadness and pain. Islam wants to protect us from this. It teaches us to save our deepest feelings and love for the person we will marry. This way, we can build a strong, healthy relationship that is meant to last forever.
•> To Keep Your Dignity and Honor
When you are in a pre-marital relationship, you might do things that go against your values or your family's values. Islam wants to protect your honor and dignity. It teaches that a man and a woman should have a respectful distance from each other until they are married. This protects both people from making mistakes that they might regret later. It helps you keep your dignity and honor in front of Allah and the community.
•> To Build a Strong and Pure Family
The family is the most important part of society in Islam. A strong family is built on trust, love, and respect. These things are best built within a marriage. When a man and a woman get to know each other through the right way (like with their families' help) and then marry, their relationship starts on a pure and strong foundation. This helps them to have a happy and lasting marriage, which is a blessing from Allah.
•> It's an Act of Obedience to Allah
Most importantly, avoiding relationships before marriage is an act of obedience to Allah. Allah knows what is best for us. He created us and He knows what will bring us true happiness and peace. When we follow His rules, even if they seem difficult, we are showing our trust in Him. This act of obedience brings us closer to Allah and earns us great rewards.
In summary,
Islam forbids pre-marital relationships not to make life difficult, but to make it better. It is a way to protect our hearts, our dignity, and to build a strong and pure family. It is a sign of our trust and love for Allah.
Many people in the world today have boyfriends or girlfriends. But in Islam, this is not allowed. Islam teaches us that it is better to wait until we are married to have a close relationship. This is called "pre-marital relationships" and Islam says no to it.
There are several good reasons for this rule.
•> To Protect Your Heart and Emotions -
Having a relationship before marriage can be very hard on the heart. You might fall in love deeply, and then if you break up, it can cause great sadness and pain. Islam wants to protect us from this. It teaches us to save our deepest feelings and love for the person we will marry. This way, we can build a strong, healthy relationship that is meant to last forever.
•> To Keep Your Dignity and Honor
When you are in a pre-marital relationship, you might do things that go against your values or your family's values. Islam wants to protect your honor and dignity. It teaches that a man and a woman should have a respectful distance from each other until they are married. This protects both people from making mistakes that they might regret later. It helps you keep your dignity and honor in front of Allah and the community.
•> To Build a Strong and Pure Family
The family is the most important part of society in Islam. A strong family is built on trust, love, and respect. These things are best built within a marriage. When a man and a woman get to know each other through the right way (like with their families' help) and then marry, their relationship starts on a pure and strong foundation. This helps them to have a happy and lasting marriage, which is a blessing from Allah.
•> It's an Act of Obedience to Allah
Most importantly, avoiding relationships before marriage is an act of obedience to Allah. Allah knows what is best for us. He created us and He knows what will bring us true happiness and peace. When we follow His rules, even if they seem difficult, we are showing our trust in Him. This act of obedience brings us closer to Allah and earns us great rewards.
In summary,
Islam forbids pre-marital relationships not to make life difficult, but to make it better. It is a way to protect our hearts, our dignity, and to build a strong and pure family. It is a sign of our trust and love for Allah.
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Umar ibn al-Khattab said: There are 3 type of Men and Women;
1. A gentle, kind, chaste Muslim, who is affectionate and fertile. Who helps her family through hardships without making life harder for them. She is rare to find.
2. A chaste Muslim woman who is nothing more than a vessel for bearing children.
3. A burden, full of trouble, whom Allah places as a yoke around the neck of whomever He wills, and no one but Allah can remove her."
1. A chaste and wise Muslim man who consults and leads when challenges arise, and handles matters with his own judgment.
2. A chaste man without opinion, who, when a matter arises, seeks counsel from those with wisdom, follows their advice, and adheres to their guidance.
3. An unjust, confused man who neither follows sound judgment nor listens to wise counsel.
- Ibn 'Abd al-Barr, Bahjat al-Majalis wa Anas al-Majalis
(Vol. 1, p. 180).
1. A gentle, kind, chaste Muslim, who is affectionate and fertile. Who helps her family through hardships without making life harder for them. She is rare to find.
2. A chaste Muslim woman who is nothing more than a vessel for bearing children.
3. A burden, full of trouble, whom Allah places as a yoke around the neck of whomever He wills, and no one but Allah can remove her."
1. A chaste and wise Muslim man who consults and leads when challenges arise, and handles matters with his own judgment.
2. A chaste man without opinion, who, when a matter arises, seeks counsel from those with wisdom, follows their advice, and adheres to their guidance.
3. An unjust, confused man who neither follows sound judgment nor listens to wise counsel.
- Ibn 'Abd al-Barr, Bahjat al-Majalis wa Anas al-Majalis
(Vol. 1, p. 180).
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THE DUTY OF A WIFE TOWARD HER HUSBAND IN ISLAM
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.
Sunan Ibn Majah 1853
This hadith demonstrates the tremendous rights that a husband has over his wife. However, it does not permit a husband to be worshipped or obeyed in disobedience to Allah. Prostration is worship, and worship belongs exclusively to Allah.
Allah says:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him.
Qur’an 4:36
The Prophet ﷺ used prostration in this hadith to emphasize the greatness of the husband’s rights, not to permit actual prostration to anyone besides Allah.
The wording regarding fulfilling her duty toward Allah must also be understood correctly. A Muslim woman’s obligation to Allah remains the foundation of everything. She must fulfill Allah’s commands first, and obedience to her husband is required in what is lawful and permissible.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.
Musnad Ahmad 1098; authenticated by al-Albani
Therefore, a husband cannot command his wife to abandon an obligation, commit a sin, or violate the limits of Islam.
At the same time, Islam strongly emphasizes the rights of the husband and the seriousness of refusing those rights without a valid excuse. The Prophet ﷺ said that when a husband calls his wife to his bed and she refuses without a valid reason, the angels curse her until morning.
Sahih al-Bukhari 3237; Sahih Muslim 1436
This does not mean that a husband may abuse, oppress, or mistreat his wife. Allah commands husbands:
Live with them in kindness.
Qur’an 4:19
The Prophet ﷺ also said:
The best of you are those who are best to their wives.
Jami at-Tirmidhi 1162
Islam therefore establishes rights and responsibilities for both spouses. A wife should fulfill her husband’s rights in what is lawful, and a husband must fear Allah concerning his wife, treat her with kindness, provide her rights, and avoid ظلم and abuse.
The correct understanding is not that a husband becomes an object of worship. Rather, the hadith emphasizes the enormous importance of the husband’s lawful rights within marriage while maintaining that obedience to Allah comes first.
May Allah grant husbands and wives the ability to fulfill one another’s rights, treat each other with mercy, and remain obedient to Allah. Ameen 🤲🏾
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.
Sunan Ibn Majah 1853
This hadith demonstrates the tremendous rights that a husband has over his wife. However, it does not permit a husband to be worshipped or obeyed in disobedience to Allah. Prostration is worship, and worship belongs exclusively to Allah.
Allah says:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him.
Qur’an 4:36
The Prophet ﷺ used prostration in this hadith to emphasize the greatness of the husband’s rights, not to permit actual prostration to anyone besides Allah.
The wording regarding fulfilling her duty toward Allah must also be understood correctly. A Muslim woman’s obligation to Allah remains the foundation of everything. She must fulfill Allah’s commands first, and obedience to her husband is required in what is lawful and permissible.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.
Musnad Ahmad 1098; authenticated by al-Albani
Therefore, a husband cannot command his wife to abandon an obligation, commit a sin, or violate the limits of Islam.
At the same time, Islam strongly emphasizes the rights of the husband and the seriousness of refusing those rights without a valid excuse. The Prophet ﷺ said that when a husband calls his wife to his bed and she refuses without a valid reason, the angels curse her until morning.
Sahih al-Bukhari 3237; Sahih Muslim 1436
This does not mean that a husband may abuse, oppress, or mistreat his wife. Allah commands husbands:
Live with them in kindness.
Qur’an 4:19
The Prophet ﷺ also said:
The best of you are those who are best to their wives.
Jami at-Tirmidhi 1162
Islam therefore establishes rights and responsibilities for both spouses. A wife should fulfill her husband’s rights in what is lawful, and a husband must fear Allah concerning his wife, treat her with kindness, provide her rights, and avoid ظلم and abuse.
The correct understanding is not that a husband becomes an object of worship. Rather, the hadith emphasizes the enormous importance of the husband’s lawful rights within marriage while maintaining that obedience to Allah comes first.
May Allah grant husbands and wives the ability to fulfill one another’s rights, treat each other with mercy, and remain obedient to Allah. Ameen 🤲🏾
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Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:
Controlling behaviour: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, then you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.
Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put-downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behaviour usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:
Controlling behaviour: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, then you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.
Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put-downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behaviour usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.
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Why is long duration couraho prohibited in Islaam?
Ali bin Abi Talib narrated that:
The Messenger of Allah said to him: "O Ali! Three are not to be delayed: Salat when it is due, the funeral when it is presented, and (marriage) for the single woman when someone compatible is found."
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1075)
Ali bin Abi Talib narrated that:
The Messenger of Allah said to him: "O Ali! Three are not to be delayed: Salat when it is due, the funeral when it is presented, and (marriage) for the single woman when someone compatible is found."
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1075)
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The Harms of Marrying the Wrong Person 🥀
Imām al-Shāfiʿī رحمه الله said:
“I heard one of our friends, whom I trust, say:
‘I got married to protect my Deen (religion), but I lost my religion, my mother’s religion, and the religion of my neighbours.’”
📚 •Manāqib al-Shāfiʿī
Imām al-Shāfiʿī رحمه الله said:
“I heard one of our friends, whom I trust, say:
‘I got married to protect my Deen (religion), but I lost my religion, my mother’s religion, and the religion of my neighbours.’”
📚 •Manāqib al-Shāfiʿī
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Muslim Marriage Tips
Photo
MARRY AFTER CONSIDERING KU FU (كُفْء)!
One of the important things to consider before marriage is Kufu.
But what exactly is Kufu?
Kufu is an Arabic word that means being equal or suitable to one another in important aspects of life.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“Choose carefully for your offspring, marry those who are of equal standing, and give your women in marriage to those of equal standing.”
— Sunan Ibn Majah 1968
Why Does Kufu Matter in Marriage?
Let's understand with a few simple examples.
1. Kufu in Religion
Imagine a religious woman who wants to follow Islam in every part of her life. She wants an Islamic household and a husband who helps her grow closer to Allah.
But what if she marries a man who has little interest in religion and wants to live a completely different lifestyle?
With time, their differences may become a source of pain, arguments, and disappointment.
2. Kufu in Financial Matters
Imagine a man who earns a modest income and lives a simple life. He marries a woman who has always enjoyed a much more comfortable lifestyle.
If she cannot accept his financial situation, she may constantly compare her present life with her life at her father's home.
She may say:
"I was happier at my father's house."
"I never had to live like this before."
"Why can't you give me the life I used to have?"
Think about how painful those words can be for a husband who is trying his best.
What Should You Consider Before Marriage?
Kufu should be considered in important aspects of life, such as:
- Religious commitment and Islamic values.
- Financial condition and expectations.
- Food habits and lifestyle.
- Clothing and living standards.
- Family background and daily habits.
- Attitude, mindset, and personal values.
A woman should understand her husband's financial situation and not constantly demand a lifestyle beyond his ability. She should appreciate what he can provide and avoid comparing him with others.
Likewise, a husband should respect his wife's needs, treat her with kindness, and never make her feel inferior because of her background.
Remember, marriage is not about finding someone who can give you everything you want. It is about finding someone whose life, values, and circumstances you can accept and respect.
You don't need two equally wealthy people to build a happy home. You need two people who understand each other, appreciate each other's efforts, and remain grateful to Allah.
And above all, if both husband and wife have Deen, good character, patience, and respect for each other, that is one of the greatest blessings of marriage.
Choose someone whose presence brings peace to your life, not someone with whom you will spend your entire life comparing, complaining, and feeling dissatisfied.
May Allah bless every marriage with love, understanding, patience, and peace. Ameen.
One of the important things to consider before marriage is Kufu.
But what exactly is Kufu?
Kufu is an Arabic word that means being equal or suitable to one another in important aspects of life.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“Choose carefully for your offspring, marry those who are of equal standing, and give your women in marriage to those of equal standing.”
— Sunan Ibn Majah 1968
Why Does Kufu Matter in Marriage?
Let's understand with a few simple examples.
1. Kufu in Religion
Imagine a religious woman who wants to follow Islam in every part of her life. She wants an Islamic household and a husband who helps her grow closer to Allah.
But what if she marries a man who has little interest in religion and wants to live a completely different lifestyle?
With time, their differences may become a source of pain, arguments, and disappointment.
2. Kufu in Financial Matters
Imagine a man who earns a modest income and lives a simple life. He marries a woman who has always enjoyed a much more comfortable lifestyle.
If she cannot accept his financial situation, she may constantly compare her present life with her life at her father's home.
She may say:
"I was happier at my father's house."
"I never had to live like this before."
"Why can't you give me the life I used to have?"
Think about how painful those words can be for a husband who is trying his best.
What Should You Consider Before Marriage?
Kufu should be considered in important aspects of life, such as:
- Religious commitment and Islamic values.
- Financial condition and expectations.
- Food habits and lifestyle.
- Clothing and living standards.
- Family background and daily habits.
- Attitude, mindset, and personal values.
A woman should understand her husband's financial situation and not constantly demand a lifestyle beyond his ability. She should appreciate what he can provide and avoid comparing him with others.
Likewise, a husband should respect his wife's needs, treat her with kindness, and never make her feel inferior because of her background.
Remember, marriage is not about finding someone who can give you everything you want. It is about finding someone whose life, values, and circumstances you can accept and respect.
You don't need two equally wealthy people to build a happy home. You need two people who understand each other, appreciate each other's efforts, and remain grateful to Allah.
And above all, if both husband and wife have Deen, good character, patience, and respect for each other, that is one of the greatest blessings of marriage.
Choose someone whose presence brings peace to your life, not someone with whom you will spend your entire life comparing, complaining, and feeling dissatisfied.
May Allah bless every marriage with love, understanding, patience, and peace. Ameen.
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Mostly toxic marragies work only beacsue women don't have a place to go back to, so they suffer in silence for a shelter.
Why we have this stigma in our society that divorce is a black label on women's head which she never able to wash off her entire life.
Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your daughter's the wrong thing about love.
Nobody ever died of "Divorce". Divorce in Middle Eastern Islamic countries or in European countries is normal thing and its not thought to be a black label. Muslims of subcontinent couldn’t finish the influence of Hinduism on their lifestyle even after hundreds of years of conversion. Look at the way wedding , funeral and even worships are done, so much similarities with Hinduism.
Why we have this stigma in our society that divorce is a black label on women's head which she never able to wash off her entire life.
Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your daughter's the wrong thing about love.
Nobody ever died of "Divorce". Divorce in Middle Eastern Islamic countries or in European countries is normal thing and its not thought to be a black label. Muslims of subcontinent couldn’t finish the influence of Hinduism on their lifestyle even after hundreds of years of conversion. Look at the way wedding , funeral and even worships are done, so much similarities with Hinduism.
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HOW TO FIND THE PERFECT WIFE
Khaalid Ibn Safwan saw a group in the masjid of Basrah, and he said, “What is this gathering?”
He was told, “There is a woman who informs men about women who are available for marriage.”
He went to her and said, “I want to marry a woman.”
She said, “Describe her to me.”
So he described her saying, “I want her to be a virgin who is wise like a married woman, or a married woman who is innocent like a virgin; she should be sweet when she is near, splendid when she is at a distance, she should have lived a life of luxury and then became afflicted with poverty – so she has the manners of the rich and the humility of the poor. When we gather wealth, we should be as the people of the world, and when we become poor, we should be as the people of the hereafter.”
She said, “I know of such a woman for you.”
He said, “And where is she?”
She replied, “In Paradise! So work hard to achieve her!”
Khaalid Ibn Safwan saw a group in the masjid of Basrah, and he said, “What is this gathering?”
He was told, “There is a woman who informs men about women who are available for marriage.”
He went to her and said, “I want to marry a woman.”
She said, “Describe her to me.”
So he described her saying, “I want her to be a virgin who is wise like a married woman, or a married woman who is innocent like a virgin; she should be sweet when she is near, splendid when she is at a distance, she should have lived a life of luxury and then became afflicted with poverty – so she has the manners of the rich and the humility of the poor. When we gather wealth, we should be as the people of the world, and when we become poor, we should be as the people of the hereafter.”
She said, “I know of such a woman for you.”
He said, “And where is she?”
She replied, “In Paradise! So work hard to achieve her!”
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Nobody warns you about the third year of a marriage.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
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A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
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Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
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A newly married brother recently said that he wanted to take his wife for a holiday but was unable to do so because he had spent all the money on his wedding!! For me, this just does not make sense! It is far better to spend money on yourself, such as on a post-marriage Umrah or vacation with your spouse, than a lavish wedding simply to impress others! Sadly, we live in a time where “what others will say/think” has become a big part of our lives. Thousands upon thousands are spent on wedding ceremonies, sometimes violating Islamic laws – merely to impress and have a name in the community, with some even taking out loans! Indeed, we can invite people to the Sunna of Walima, but
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
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Modern marriage is no longer about building together. Many women want the benefits of marriage, but none of the responsibilities.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
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Shaykh al-Uthaymeen on getting married
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
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