Nobody warns you about the third year of a marriage.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
The first year is chemistry. The second year is still running on hope. The third year, you finally meet the actual person, and for many couples, that meeting is a shock because the person you meet in year three isn't the one you fell in love with.
It's a fuller version with more edges, more needs, more of the parts they were carefully not showing you in the beginning. And the natural reaction is, 'Something went wrong, this isn't what I signed up for'.
But here's what I've come to understand: nothing went wrong, something went right. You got close enough for the real person to show up. That's not the end of love, that's the beginning of it.
The first two years you are in love with a very attractive projection. Year three is when you get the chance to love an actual human being.
The couples who make it through year three with more closeness than they started with,are the ones who understood that the discomfort wasn't a sign to leave, it was a sign that something real had arrived and needed to be met.
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
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A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.A REMINDER TO PARENTS: PLEASE STOP MAKING MARRIAGE HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS
Marriage is becoming increasingly difficult for our young men and women. Sadly, some parents are making it even harder by placing unnecessary obstacles in their children's way.
A person's job title, university degree, wealth, family name or social status should not be the deciding factor when considering a marriage proposal.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you seeking marriage, then marry him.” (Tirmidhi)
Notice the emphasis on religion and character, not career, qualifications or social standing.
What matters most when considering marriage?
1. Deen: A genuine commitment to Allah, prayer and Islamic values.
2. Good manners: Respect, kindness, honesty and beautiful character.
3. Mutual attraction: Physical attraction and genuine acceptance of one another.
4. Emotional maturity: The ability to communicate, manage emotions, resolve conflict and take responsibility.
5. For men: Being responsible, disciplined, hardworking and capable of earning a halal income to provide for their families.
6. For women: Being responsible, caring and equipped with the basic skills to maintain a family home, particularly when the husband is the primary income earner.
These are the foundations that help build strong, stable and lasting marriages.
A man does not need an impressive job title to be a wonderful husband. And a woman does not need prestigious qualifications or come from a wealthy family to be a wonderful wife.
Of course, compatibility and genuine concerns must be considered. But there is a difference between protecting your children and imposing unrealistic expectations upon them.
Dear parents, do not reject a good potential spouse simply because they do not meet your personal expectations of status or prestige.
Your children are the ones who will live in that marriage, not you.
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Guide them, advise them, investigate genuine concerns and make dua for them. But please do not become an unnecessary obstacle to their marriage.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
Make marriage easier, not harder.
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A newly married brother recently said that he wanted to take his wife for a holiday but was unable to do so because he had spent all the money on his wedding!! For me, this just does not make sense! It is far better to spend money on yourself, such as on a post-marriage Umrah or vacation with your spouse, than a lavish wedding simply to impress others! Sadly, we live in a time where “what others will say/think” has become a big part of our lives. Thousands upon thousands are spent on wedding ceremonies, sometimes violating Islamic laws – merely to impress and have a name in the community, with some even taking out loans! Indeed, we can invite people to the Sunna of Walima, but
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
1) our intention should only be to please Allah, and
2) it should be kept within our means.
You can never make everyone happy; people will complain or make a negative remark no matter what; so keep marriages simple, invite people with sincerity, and spend the remainder of your money on yourself and your spouse!
— Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
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Displaying your wife before a crowd of non-mahrams on your wedding day, allowing everyone to gaze at her beauty, is not something to take lightly.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
Your wife is your amanah, not a spectacle for people. Have ghayrah, preserve her hayā.
💯12
Modern marriage is no longer about building together. Many women want the benefits of marriage, but none of the responsibilities.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
They want a wedding, not a marriage.
They want a provider, but they do not want to submit. They want a loyal man, but they want to keep their options open.
And the worst part is, society teaches men that if the marriage fails, it is always the man's fault.
Men are told to "do more," "communicate more," "pay more," and "understand her more."
But nobody tells women to respect, appreciate, and protect the man's peace.
That is why many men fear marriage today, because they fear being punished for trying.
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Shaykh al-Uthaymeen on getting married
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
"Just as provision (rizą) is written & decreed along with its causes, likewise, marriage is also written & decreed. It has been written for each of the spouses that they will be the spouse of the other specifically..."
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Message to Parents about Marriage !
Dear Respected Elders
Our generation came from yours, but we are born in a different time and place. What we are facing today regarding trials and temptations is astronomically higher than you ever faced. With the Internet and the rapid decline of morals, especially in non-Muslim societies, and the ease of availability of the prohibited venues, it becomes even more important to implement the Sunnah of getting married early, without the ridiculous obstacles that are placed before us.
We don't have to have a university degree, we don't need to have $20,000 saved up, we can manage and live a simple life, and please, spare us the unrealistic wedding expectations, we are not investing in a business, this is a marriage, and the Sunnah is that the most blessed marriages are the ones which are least costly.
Lastly, if you are the reason for denying us marriage due to cultural practices and expectations which contradict Islam, and we end up doing the wrong thing, then that sin will also be upon you. We don't want you to carry the sin as well, so we are watching out for you at the same time, in shaa Allaah.
Signed,
Your Sons and Daughters.
Dear Respected Elders
Our generation came from yours, but we are born in a different time and place. What we are facing today regarding trials and temptations is astronomically higher than you ever faced. With the Internet and the rapid decline of morals, especially in non-Muslim societies, and the ease of availability of the prohibited venues, it becomes even more important to implement the Sunnah of getting married early, without the ridiculous obstacles that are placed before us.
We don't have to have a university degree, we don't need to have $20,000 saved up, we can manage and live a simple life, and please, spare us the unrealistic wedding expectations, we are not investing in a business, this is a marriage, and the Sunnah is that the most blessed marriages are the ones which are least costly.
Lastly, if you are the reason for denying us marriage due to cultural practices and expectations which contradict Islam, and we end up doing the wrong thing, then that sin will also be upon you. We don't want you to carry the sin as well, so we are watching out for you at the same time, in shaa Allaah.
Signed,
Your Sons and Daughters.
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Sheikh as-Sa'di:
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
❝Do not imagine that you will get poor if you marry. Allah incites towards marriage and promises richness after poverty.❞
[Taysir-ul-Karim, p. 567]
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HE IS Husband not HusBANK
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
Imām Ibn Rajab رحمه الله said:
“The best wife is the gentle, tender, clean, pious one who helps her husband in difficult times and does not go against her husband in difficult times.”
📚 [Latā'if Al-Ma'ārif]
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A brother wrote to me recently. He's speaking with a sister seriously. He loves her deen, her character, her values and her akhlaq. He feels they're compatible, he's attracted to her, and he's made istikharah. He told me he's never felt this way about anyone before. Even so, a thought keeps coming back: she isn't the type I imagined. His mind keeps comparing her with other attractive people, and it's stopping him from moving forward. He doesn't like that he thinks this way.
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
If this is you, please read on.
Psychology describes two ways people make decisions. A maximiser has to find the absolute best option, so he keeps comparing and second guessing, sure that something better is around the corner. A satisficer sets clear standards first. Once an option meets them, he commits and is at peace.
Research on this has found that maximisers often get better results on paper but feel less satisfied, have more regret and are less happy with their choices. Satisficers tend to be content.
Marriage needs the satisficer's heart. The comparisons in your mind aren't a sign that something is wrong with her. Very often it's your nafs and shaytan doing what they do. There will always be someone more attractive, more polished, or closer to the picture you formed when you were younger. That picture was never revealed to you. It was built from imagination, social media and other people's highlight reels.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us that a woman is married for her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion, and he told us to choose the one with deen so that we may prosper.
So here is my advice. Before you commit, decide what your non-negotiables are and write them down: deen, character, values, compatibility, attraction, family and the practical matters. Then go through the steps properly:
+ Do your due diligence.
+ Make istisharah and seek counsel from people of wisdom who know you both.
+ Pray istikharah sincerely.
If your boxes are ticked, no red flags have come up and nothing has changed dramatically, then proceed.
Don't keep searching for a feeling of certainty that no decision on earth will ever give you.
Istikharah isn't waiting for a dream. It means you entrust the matter to Allah and move forward, and He will open the way if it is good for you or close it if it is not.
Allah says: فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ, "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah" (3:159).
Decide, then rely on Allah. The thinking was done in the preparation. What's left now is tawakkul.
A good spouse isn't found by endlessly comparing. A marriage becomes beautiful when two people who chose each other for the right reasons keep choosing each other every day.
May Allah grant every single reading this a righteous spouse, clarity in their decisions and peace in their hearts. Aameen
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You can be married to the worst man ever, like Asiyah (RA) married Fir awn but it didn't change her love and loyalty for Allah.
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
You can be married to the best man, like the wife of Prophet Lut (A.S) was and still not enter paradise. You can also be unmarried like Maryam (A.S) and Allah can make your rank higher than any woman on earth. Know your priorities love and trust is with Allah not any of his creation, but the Creator
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
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🍁No Woman is Faultless, so be Content with what Allah has Given You🍁
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
Women are the strongest in having physical desires (shahwāt). A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman. But after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realize, that getting a second wife entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with the woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realize that he can't never get everything that he aims for:
وَلَسۡتُم بِـَٔاخِذِیهِ إِلَّاۤ أَن تُغۡمِضُوا۟ فِیهِۚ
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.”[Surah Al-Baqarah:267]
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
وَلَهُمۡ فِیهَاۤ أَزۡوَ ٰجࣱ مُّطَهَّرَةࣱۖ
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).”[Surah Al-Baqarah: 25]
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside - this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
📚[Imam Ibn Al-Jawzi | Captured Thoughts: A Collection of Thought-Provoking Gems, Persuasive Eye Opening Wisdoms, Insight About Religions, Ethics and Relationships, p.651-652]
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Middle aged women are divorcing their husbands because their husbands aren't adding anything to their lives but stress. Hope this helps those of you who seem confused.
At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this relationship actually making my life better, or am I just getting better at surviving it?"
Many middle-aged women aren't divorcing because they suddenly hate marriage, stopped believing in love, or want to chase a new relationship. They're leaving because they've spent years trying to make a partnership work while carrying the emotional weight of two people.
They're tired of being someone's wife, mother, therapist, housekeeper, personal assistant, emotional punching bag, and life manager all at once.
They're tired of having to beg for basic consideration, explain the same problems repeatedly, and feel lonely while sharing a home with someone.
And here's what people often fail to understand: A woman can love her husband and still recognize that her marriage is costing her more than it's giving her.
By middle age, many women have raised children, built careers, survived difficult seasons, sacrificed their dreams, and put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. Eventually, they start wondering what the next chapter of their lives could look like if they finally included themselves.
They don't necessarily want another man. Some want their own space, financial independence, peaceful mornings, genuine friendships, travel, hobbies, and the freedom to make decisions without constantly managing another adult's emotions.
They aren't afraid of being alone anymore. They're afraid of spending another decade feeling alone in a marriage.
Marriage should bring companionship, support, laughter, security, and shared responsibility. It shouldn't feel like another full-time job that drains the life out of you.
And no, wanting peace isn't selfish. Wanting a partnership isn't asking for too much. Wanting to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build isn't a crime.
Sometimes a woman isn't walking away from marriage because she expects too much. She's walking away because she's been accepting too little for far too long.
And perhaps the most beautiful part of starting over is realizing that your life doesn't have to end just because a marriage does.
#divorcelawyerdenise #betrayaltrauma #narcissisticsupply #narcissisticabuse
At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this relationship actually making my life better, or am I just getting better at surviving it?"
Many middle-aged women aren't divorcing because they suddenly hate marriage, stopped believing in love, or want to chase a new relationship. They're leaving because they've spent years trying to make a partnership work while carrying the emotional weight of two people.
They're tired of being someone's wife, mother, therapist, housekeeper, personal assistant, emotional punching bag, and life manager all at once.
They're tired of having to beg for basic consideration, explain the same problems repeatedly, and feel lonely while sharing a home with someone.
And here's what people often fail to understand: A woman can love her husband and still recognize that her marriage is costing her more than it's giving her.
By middle age, many women have raised children, built careers, survived difficult seasons, sacrificed their dreams, and put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. Eventually, they start wondering what the next chapter of their lives could look like if they finally included themselves.
They don't necessarily want another man. Some want their own space, financial independence, peaceful mornings, genuine friendships, travel, hobbies, and the freedom to make decisions without constantly managing another adult's emotions.
They aren't afraid of being alone anymore. They're afraid of spending another decade feeling alone in a marriage.
Marriage should bring companionship, support, laughter, security, and shared responsibility. It shouldn't feel like another full-time job that drains the life out of you.
And no, wanting peace isn't selfish. Wanting a partnership isn't asking for too much. Wanting to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build isn't a crime.
Sometimes a woman isn't walking away from marriage because she expects too much. She's walking away because she's been accepting too little for far too long.
And perhaps the most beautiful part of starting over is realizing that your life doesn't have to end just because a marriage does.
#divorcelawyerdenise #betrayaltrauma #narcissisticsupply #narcissisticabuse
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Muslim Marriage Tips pinned «Middle aged women are divorcing their husbands because their husbands aren't adding anything to their lives but stress. Hope this helps those of you who seem confused. At some point in life, a woman starts asking herself a very different question: "Is this…»
Marriage tips [follows below]:
The poet said:
كَمْ مُهْرَةٍ عَرَبيَّةٍ قَدْ زُوِّجَتْ
خَوْفَ العُنُوسَةِ مِنْ حِمارٍ ناهِقِ!
'𝘋𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦,
𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴,
𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴.'
Just because a horse and a donkey can reproduce, it does not mean they should! : )
Don't rush these things, it is better to be single, than to be stuck in a bad relationship.
It's like being late for work and jumping on any train that comes regardless of where it is going! You wouldn't do that. That will make things worse, because that train may take you even further away from your goal.
Be patient, and choose very carefully ...
Look for someone who is religiously committed, well-mannered, financially strong, caring, good looking, etc.
But remember this - I'm going to be real and brutally honest, to help you, so don't take it personally:
- Don't delay: Don't prioritise your career and studies over marriage. Especially as a woman. Women loose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30. We all have a shelf-life, after a certain age, our beauty fades and we become less-marketable. If you miss this window of opportunity, if you pass your prime - your choices will be limited. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
- The clock is ticking: You have to make the moves. Don't wait for the prince in the shining armour to come for you. Don’t think a man will fall in your lap. You have to network and get people to get your name out there.
- Lower your expectations: You have to compromise and if a person's good outweighs their bad, then go for it. Nobody is perfect. You yourself are imperfect. Don't expect perfection, because you will be waiting forever. Soon, wrinkles and grey hair will appear and your options will become even more limited!
- Don't over-price yourself: Don't demand a very high dowry, extravagant wedding ceremonies, tons of gold, and other big financial demands etc. Good men will skip you and consider other options. It's not like you're the only option out there. There are plenty of options.
- Beware of harsh realities in the society: if you were previously married, or already have children, your value and demand drops by 90%. Like a new TV is not worth the same as a previously used TV. This is not how humans should be valued, but this is how it is out there, so remember and don’t be oblivious to these realities and adjust your expectations accordingly.
- In the eyes of men, the worth of a woman does not increase by her having a PHD, or her having a lot of money or having multiple jobs etc. Women look for these things in men, and rightly so, but they mistakenly think that men are also looking for these same things in women, which is not true! There is nothing wrong with women studying and working if the Shariah limits aren't breached, but some women think they will be more marriageable once they have these things and this isn't true. The man is hard-wired to provide these things for you. The man wants to be like that hunter, who comes home with the leg of a deer on his shoulder! Men and women are different. They complete each other. They shouldn't compete with each other.
If you ignore these rules, you may be a pure breed horse, which ends up with a donkey.
The poet said:
كَمْ مُهْرَةٍ عَرَبيَّةٍ قَدْ زُوِّجَتْ
خَوْفَ العُنُوسَةِ مِنْ حِمارٍ ناهِقِ!
'𝘋𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦,
𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥, 𝘈𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘴,
𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘺𝘴.'
Just because a horse and a donkey can reproduce, it does not mean they should! : )
Don't rush these things, it is better to be single, than to be stuck in a bad relationship.
It's like being late for work and jumping on any train that comes regardless of where it is going! You wouldn't do that. That will make things worse, because that train may take you even further away from your goal.
Be patient, and choose very carefully ...
Look for someone who is religiously committed, well-mannered, financially strong, caring, good looking, etc.
But remember this - I'm going to be real and brutally honest, to help you, so don't take it personally:
- Don't delay: Don't prioritise your career and studies over marriage. Especially as a woman. Women loose 90% of their eggs by the age of 30. We all have a shelf-life, after a certain age, our beauty fades and we become less-marketable. If you miss this window of opportunity, if you pass your prime - your choices will be limited. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
- The clock is ticking: You have to make the moves. Don't wait for the prince in the shining armour to come for you. Don’t think a man will fall in your lap. You have to network and get people to get your name out there.
- Lower your expectations: You have to compromise and if a person's good outweighs their bad, then go for it. Nobody is perfect. You yourself are imperfect. Don't expect perfection, because you will be waiting forever. Soon, wrinkles and grey hair will appear and your options will become even more limited!
- Don't over-price yourself: Don't demand a very high dowry, extravagant wedding ceremonies, tons of gold, and other big financial demands etc. Good men will skip you and consider other options. It's not like you're the only option out there. There are plenty of options.
- Beware of harsh realities in the society: if you were previously married, or already have children, your value and demand drops by 90%. Like a new TV is not worth the same as a previously used TV. This is not how humans should be valued, but this is how it is out there, so remember and don’t be oblivious to these realities and adjust your expectations accordingly.
- In the eyes of men, the worth of a woman does not increase by her having a PHD, or her having a lot of money or having multiple jobs etc. Women look for these things in men, and rightly so, but they mistakenly think that men are also looking for these same things in women, which is not true! There is nothing wrong with women studying and working if the Shariah limits aren't breached, but some women think they will be more marriageable once they have these things and this isn't true. The man is hard-wired to provide these things for you. The man wants to be like that hunter, who comes home with the leg of a deer on his shoulder! Men and women are different. They complete each other. They shouldn't compete with each other.
If you ignore these rules, you may be a pure breed horse, which ends up with a donkey.
👍3💯3