Parents worry about what their sons download and worry about what their daughters upload

200 years ago, people would never have guessed that humans in the future would communicate by silently tapping on glass

We try to go to bed early, so we can wake up early, to get to work early. We try to leave work early if we can, so we can make dinner early, all so we can die early from stress related diseases. Maybe late isn't so bad.

I was lying in bed with the wife this morning... I was lying to her, she was lying to me.

It’s pretty appropriate we shortened Too Much Information to TMI.

In about 10 years, were gonna have a whole generation of unemployed, uneducated former Instagram models in their 30s

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

I could say it out loud, but nothing would change..what’s the point?

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, a sin or doesn’t text back

Many people will panic to find a charger before their phone dies. But won't panic to find a plan before their dream dies...

Patience is beautiful.

Learn your place in people’s life
so you know not to overplay your
part .. !

Sorry, You can't order the relief on its own.
It only comes as a desert with pain.

People don't change. They reveal who they really are.

Since we have a continuous hole from mouth to butt, we are a donut.

Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: *holding cup* do it to my tea!

Magician: *waves hand* done!

om: *holding cup* it didn’t work.

Effort is sexy.

And the more you do not know, the worse the ache
~Fyodor Destovoyski