A newly appointed Scotch minister on his first Sunday of office had reason to complain of the poorness of the collection. "Mon," replied one of the elders, "they are close—vera close."

"But," confidentially, "the auld meenister he put three or four saxpenses into the plate hissel', just to gie them a start. Of course he took the saxpenses awa' with him afterward." The new minister tried the same plan, but the next Sunday he again had to report a dismal failure. The total collection was not only small, but he was grieved to find that his own sixpences were missing. "Ye may be a better preacher than the auld meenister," exclaimed the elder, "but if ye had half the knowledge o' the world, an' o' yer ain flock in particular, ye'd ha' done what he did an' glued the saxpenses to the plate."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

"I advertized that the poor were made welcome in this church," said the vicar to his congregation, "and as the offertory amounts to ninety-five cents, I see that they have come."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

CONUNDRUMS

"Mose, what is the difference between a bucket of milk in a rain storm and a conversation between two confidence men?"

"Say, boss, dat nut am too hard to crack; I'se gwine to give it up."

"Well, Mose, one is a thinning scheme and the other is a skinning theme."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

«КАРТОТЕКА ИСКУССТВ» —ТГК Александра Недомолкина об искусстве и людях, его создающих.🦸‍♂️

Мы замечаем искусство, которое происходит здесь и сейчас. В канале проходят постоянные рубрики, а так же анонсы театральных премьер и других культурных событий.

Тэги основных рубрик:
🎭 #людиискусстванашеговремени Канал знакомит подписчиков с новым человеком искусства, который рассказывает о себе, о своем деле, отвечает на вопросы читателей и, конечно, проявляет себя как творческий человек.

😛 #театральный
Гостем канала становится целый курс факультета творческого института. Студенты показывают, как проходят репетиции, первые выступления и учебный процесс.

📺 #киноклуб
Александр Недомолкин делится фильмами из своего списка «must see», чтобы все подписчики знали, как интересно и с пользой провести выходные.

Ждем вас в нашем культурном сообществе!

__<<<КАРТОТЕКА ИСКУССТВ>>>__

CONVERSATION

"My dog understands every word I say."

"Um."

"Do you doubt it?"

"No, I do not doubt the brute's intelligence. The scant attention he bestows upon your conversation would indicate that he understands it perfectly."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

🔎 Все мы любили смотреть сериал С.Л.Е.Д ?

Тогда ответь на вопрос ⬇️

❓А ты знаешь, почему нельзя спешить с признанием вины ?

❓Ты когда нибудь задумывался,  как проходит исследование доказательств ?

📝 Не по телевизору, а в реальной жизни ?

🔍 Нашёл канал, где опытный адвокат по уголовным делам, рассказывает обо всем этом, понятным и интересным языком

‼️ Лично я, узнал то, о чем даже подумать не мог !

Irving Bacheller, it appears, was on a tramping tour through New England. He discovered a chin-bearded patriarch on a roadside rock.

"Fine corn," said Mr. Bacheller, tentatively, using a hillside filled with straggling stalks as a means of breaking the conversational ice.

"Best in Massachusetts," said the sitter.

"How do you plow that field?" asked Mr. Bacheller. "It is so very steep."

"Don't plow it," said the sitter. "When the spring thaws come, the rocks rolling down hill tear it up so that we can plant corn."

"And how do you plant it?" asked Mr. Bacheller. The sitter said that he didn't plant it, really. He stood in his back door and shot the seed in with a shotgun.

"Is that the truth?" asked Bacheller.

"H—ll no," said the sitter, disgusted. "That's conversation."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

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COOKERY

"John, John," whispered an alarmed wife, poking her sleeping husband in the ribs. "Wake up, John; there are burglars in the pantry and they're eating all my pies."

"Well, what do we care," mumbled John, rolling over, "so long as they don't die in the house?"

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

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"This is certainly a modern cook-book in every way."

"How so?"

"It says: 'After mixing your bread, you can watch two reels at the movies before putting it in the oven.'"—Puck.

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

There was recently presented to a newly-married young woman in Baltimore such a unique domestic proposition that she felt called upon to seek expert advice from another woman, whom she knew to possess considerable experience in the cooking line.

"Mrs. Jones," said the first mentioned young woman, as she breathlessly entered the apartment of the latter, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I must have your advice."

"What is the trouble, my dear?"

"Why, I've just had a 'phone message from Harry, saying that he is going out this afternoon to shoot clay pigeons. Now, he's bound to bring a lot home, and I haven't the remotest idea how to cook them. Won't you please tell me?"—Taylor Edwards.

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

Heaven sends us good meat, but the devil sends us cooks.—David Garrick.

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

CORNETS

Spurgeon was once asked if the man who learned to play a cornet on Sunday would go to heaven.

The great preacher's reply was characteristic. Said he: "I don't see why he should not, but"—after a pause—"I doubt whether the man next door will."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы

CORPULENCE

The wife of a prominent Judge was making arrangements with the colored laundress of the village to take charge of their washing for the summer. Now, the Judge was pompous and extremely fat. He tipped the scales at some three hundred pounds.

"Missus," said the woman, "I'll do your washing, but I'se gwine ter charge you double for your husband's shirts."

"Why, what is your reason for that Nancy," questioned the mistress.

"Well," said the laundress, "I don't mind washing fur an ordinary man, but I draws de line on circus tents, I sho' do."

🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы