My girlfriend asked me if I could imagine what it'd be like to have a vagina.
I said no I cunt.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die."

She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

#other@Sickipedia

do you know what the elephant said to the naked man?
”how do you even breath out of that thing?”

#sexandshit@Sickipedia

did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
he won the no bell price

#wordplay@Sickipedia

What do you call it when you try to convince someone you didn’t fart?
Gaslighting

#wordplay@Sickipedia

When I was little a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.
Now after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!

#other@Sickipedia

What begins with V, every woman has, and they can use it to get what they want?

Voice

#sexism@Sickipedia

A guy goes into a pet shop and says “I’d like to buy a fish please”.

The assistant asks “Would you like an aquarium?”.

“I just want a bloody fish I don’t care what star sign it is!”

#wordplay@Sickipedia

Can you imagine if human beings actually came from space...

Rather than feet pics?

#wordplay@Sickipedia

A good percentage of my friends are murderers
Its 0. That’s a good percentage.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

At dinner, my Tinder date said, “I’ve only hooked up with eight guys per month on average this last year.”
I replied, “That mean’s a lot to me.”

#wordplay@Sickipedia

Dad jokes are nothing more than simple truths.
Delivered by a motherfucker.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I've never understood men who say they can't find the clitoris.
How can you not see it right under your nose?

#wordplay@Sickipedia

You know who has more descendents than Genghis Khan?
Genghis khan's dad

#other@Sickipedia

I told my son I named him after my father
'I know' Said after my father

#wordplay@Sickipedia

What do you call someone that only makes iced coffees?
A Brrrrrista

#wordplay@Sickipedia

For the single people thinking of getting married, here are some pros and cons.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My wife and I took a 1000 mile road trip to see our family. My uncle asked us if we took turns driving on the way up.
I replied, "Yeah. It was too hard to get here in a straight line."

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I got fired from the bread factory for poor production numbers.
Evidently I wasn't making them enough dough.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

My coworker said: “ You should not eat red meat.” I said, “My grandmother lived to be 97.”…
She said, “Did she eat red meat?” I said, “No. She minded her own business.”

#roast@Sickipedia