What type of doctor is Dr Pepper?
A Fizzician

#wordplay@Sickipedia

When you are young, you have two kidneys.
Then when you grow up, you have two adult knees.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

How do you make the number one disappear?
Just add a G and it’s gone

#wordplay@Sickipedia

There are 86 billion neurons in your brain
Really makes you think

#wordplay@Sickipedia

What's the most masculine job in the world?
A mailman.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I remember the first time I made love to my wife.

After we finished, I asked her: "Am I the first one?"

She sighed, looked at me and said: "Why does everyone always ask me that?"

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
The guy will actually search for a golf ball.

#sexandshit@Sickipedia

Me: "Remember when I rubbed you out?"
Genie: "Don't say it like that..."

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I’ve decided to apply my years of IT experience to fixing my marriage
I’ve successfully turned my wife off. Anyone know what I have to do to turn her back on again?

#wordplay@Sickipedia

"I heard, you're the brother of Sherlock and also solve criminal cases. Are you also such a brilliant mind?"
"No, unlike my brother I solve cases by accident", answered Sheer Luck Holmes.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors. I win!” and drove off.
I guess he wants a rematch because he’s been following me for about 45 minutes.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

I spent a whole day wondering how my friend’s great-great-great-great grandpa is still alive
Just realized he has a stuttering problem.

#wordplay@Sickipedia

Me: "Thank you doctor, I feel like I am getting over my fear of the super natural"
Therapist: "Great! That's the spirit!" Me: "WHERE?!"

#wordplay@Sickipedia

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .".
Kid 1: "As if.".
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.".
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.".
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

Leonardo DiCaprio has removed all his movies from Netflix.
Netflix turned 27 this year.

#other@Sickipedia

How many noble gases are dyslexic?
Neon

#wordplay@Sickipedia

Told my Canadian pal I got into an argument with my wife.
"Why don't you buy her a bouquet?" he asked.

I said, "She isn't a big reader."

#wordplay@Sickipedia

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

Yesterday I changed a lightbulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life….is a joke.

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.

He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

#oldbutgold@Sickipedia