UPSC CSE prep with Toppers

Writing something after a very long time,

There are a lot of struggles everyone goes through. There may be times when you thought why is this happening to me alone. There may be times when u feel whatever hardwork you've done is not delivering its results. All I can tell you is to wait and wait patiently. Today I'm here not because of luck, but because of hardwork and a lot of perseverance.

I had to resign my job to start my preparation. Insecurities started the very moment. My savings had started to disappear. Life outside was moving very fast. Friends of mine were going to USA and Canada and wherenot. I was struck in a room and traveling daily to coaching classes, one after another. Insecurities started to grow when my very own cousins started earning more than me and making international trips. By my 1st prelims in August 2016 all my savings had disappeared, missed the weddings and bachelor parties of many of my friends, gave up totally on seeing movies and web series, uninstalled Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, Snapchat and everyother social media site to limit my distraction.

Sailed my 1st prelims successfully. But before that I used to doubt myself so much. I did have a plan but all I could wish for is that the plan doesn't falter. So I had to review them again and again.

Wrote my 1st Mains. I was confident that I would sail through mains through and hence went to Delhi for interview preparation. When results came by Feb 2017, I didn't clear. Sat and analyzed where I went wrong. Had my prelims strategy clear, so it was only mains. Improvised on every aspect. Insecurities started to grow as i was hundreds of miles away from my family in a completely different cultural milieu. Tried making new friends, slept in bed full of bedbugs. Changed my sleep cycle, lost weight etc. Since all my savings were eaten up, started doing freelancing works. Used to get 40 rs and 50 rs for questions on current affairs, banking etc. By this used to make 6k every month to meet my expenses. Life was tough. I

Few weeks before Prelims 2017 the marks of 2016 Mains came. Got 784 while the GEN cutoff was 787. This was where i did a major mistake. All I thought was to get 3 more marks. My aim in 2017 mains was to get those 3 more marks. So did I get ? Yes. My 2017 Mains score was 789, 5 marks more than 2016. But was it enough? Nope. 808 was the cutoff that year. Failed again.

Cried a lot. Cried before my parents. THought giving up on everything. took a month gap to think what did i really wanted in life. My father was in tight financial condition. So it kind of added more pressure.

As the saying goes:

Ever tried, ever failed? No matter, TRY again, Fail again, Fail better.

During the tough times it was my family and my fiance who kept on supporting me. I applied for few jobs and finally took up teaching current affairs part time at Shankar Ias academy while was preparing simultaneously. Had to review every small mistake i did with mains in the last two attempts. Spoke with few toppers to really know the strategy for Mains. Worked towards that.

Sailed 2018 Prelims again and went to Delhi after Prelims results. Resigned the only source of income I had. Like millions of youths in India, was unemployed. Borrowed money from friends as I felt it shameful to ask money from my dad. Worked on my weaknesses. I'm a very self critical person. So I started everything from scratch for 2018 mains. Decided on something and just kept on working on those no matter what others said or did.

Post mains, came back to chennai. Applied for teaching positions at various institutes. Didnt get a response for a long time. FInally started teaching for 400/hr. Knew this is peanuts for the hardwork that I had put. But kept on saying myself that your time will come.

6.51K viewsRishab C A (IAS), 17:28