The Prophet said:
“Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.”
[Narrated by At-Tirmidhee in ‘Nikaah’, (#1085)]
“Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.”
[Narrated by At-Tirmidhee in ‘Nikaah’, (#1085)]
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Marriage is beautiful but sometimes we get to the point where we know in our hearts we are no longer interested and nothing can be done to fix it.
This is the point to move on.
Unfortunately, many get here in a state of fight and what already may be a painful process is then turned into a punishment and fight tool by the other.
It is common today to hear the statement "he doesn't want to give me my divorce", effectively ensuring the person stays tied in the marriage and unable to move on.
The idea is that for as long as you are still legally married to one, your profile would not only be less appealing to suitors but you'd also be unable to do much without being accused of infidelity.
This is a very poor approach, not only because deliberate hurt is intended to another but also to yourself.
There is no compulsion in marriage and try as you may, you cannot force a person to stay married to you this way.
In the end, said person would go to the courts and get you sorted anyway so why would you not take the easy way out?
We deal with issues of the heart differently. Sometimes, it is a way to keep things as they are while you try, sometimes it is as described above and other times, it is ego and the "if I can't have you, nobody can" mindset, but in the end, you make things difficult for yourself.
It is already unfortunate that you are having to discuss a divorce, don't use it as a victimisation tool. Do what's needed of you and let everyone go their separate ways in relative peace.
**If you are struggling coming to terms with letting go, reach out for professional help. Sometimes, the marriage can still be saved, other times, you are shown how best to let go. You also deserve the peace from it.
This is the point to move on.
Unfortunately, many get here in a state of fight and what already may be a painful process is then turned into a punishment and fight tool by the other.
It is common today to hear the statement "he doesn't want to give me my divorce", effectively ensuring the person stays tied in the marriage and unable to move on.
The idea is that for as long as you are still legally married to one, your profile would not only be less appealing to suitors but you'd also be unable to do much without being accused of infidelity.
This is a very poor approach, not only because deliberate hurt is intended to another but also to yourself.
There is no compulsion in marriage and try as you may, you cannot force a person to stay married to you this way.
In the end, said person would go to the courts and get you sorted anyway so why would you not take the easy way out?
We deal with issues of the heart differently. Sometimes, it is a way to keep things as they are while you try, sometimes it is as described above and other times, it is ego and the "if I can't have you, nobody can" mindset, but in the end, you make things difficult for yourself.
It is already unfortunate that you are having to discuss a divorce, don't use it as a victimisation tool. Do what's needed of you and let everyone go their separate ways in relative peace.
**If you are struggling coming to terms with letting go, reach out for professional help. Sometimes, the marriage can still be saved, other times, you are shown how best to let go. You also deserve the peace from it.
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THERE IS NO PERFECT WIFE...There is no such thing as a perfect wife. Every woman brings her own strengths, and choosing the right partner means accepting her unique qualities, along with the compromises that come with them. If you choose a working woman, you must understand that she cannot dedicate all her time to managing the household. Her career requires attention and energy, and balance is key. On the other hand, if you choose a housewife, who takes full care of you and the home, you must accept that she is not contributing financially.
If you choose a submissive woman, you need to recognize that she may rely on you more for decision-making and guidance. But if you prefer a brave, independent woman, you must accept that she has her own thoughts, is strong-willed, and may not always conform to traditional roles.
If you choose a beautiful woman, it often comes with the reality that maintaining that appearance can be costly. Likewise, if you choose to be with a great woman, one who is driven and confident, you must understand that she will be firm and unyielding in her beliefs.
No woman is perfect.
Every woman has her own strengths and flaws, and these qualities define who she is and make her unique. Instead of seeking perfection, embrace the individuality of the woman you love and appreciate the beauty in her imperfections.
#wife
If you choose a submissive woman, you need to recognize that she may rely on you more for decision-making and guidance. But if you prefer a brave, independent woman, you must accept that she has her own thoughts, is strong-willed, and may not always conform to traditional roles.
If you choose a beautiful woman, it often comes with the reality that maintaining that appearance can be costly. Likewise, if you choose to be with a great woman, one who is driven and confident, you must understand that she will be firm and unyielding in her beliefs.
No woman is perfect.
Every woman has her own strengths and flaws, and these qualities define who she is and make her unique. Instead of seeking perfection, embrace the individuality of the woman you love and appreciate the beauty in her imperfections.
#wife
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A woman who wants a husband and a woman who wants to be a wife are not the same thing.
One wants the wedding, the ring, the house, the financial security and the status that comes with being married.
The other understands that marriage comes with responsibilities. She is ready to build with a man, stand by him when life gets difficult, protect the relationship, create a home and work through the seasons when love alone is not enough.
Always go for one who wants to be a wife, you will have a good marriage.
A beautiful wedding is one day, but marriage is the everyday things that come after it. Choose someone who's ready for the real work, not just the celebration.
One wants the wedding, the ring, the house, the financial security and the status that comes with being married.
The other understands that marriage comes with responsibilities. She is ready to build with a man, stand by him when life gets difficult, protect the relationship, create a home and work through the seasons when love alone is not enough.
Always go for one who wants to be a wife, you will have a good marriage.
A beautiful wedding is one day, but marriage is the everyday things that come after it. Choose someone who's ready for the real work, not just the celebration.
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The reason many young sisters fall into wrong hands in marriage these days is due to the disobedience and disregard for the Prophet's s.a.w. warning on the choice of partners when he said, "When a muslim whose deen you're pleased with come to seek for your daughter's hand in marriage and you refuse him, then expect fitnah (calamities) in the land and great fasad (immoralities)."
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When they receive marriage proposal from a pious brother, they complain that he is poor because he has no jeep car or mansion or he cannot rent a big apartment for them. So they ditch him for a more comfortable brother whose deen is questionable. The warning in the hadith comes true on them and they face the punishment of rejecting the proposal of a pious brother.
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However there are some innocent and naive sisters who seek pious brothers but fall into wrong hands because they didn't do their istisharah along with the istikharah. They fail to thoroughly investigate the brother before accepting his proposal. They rely on the little info they have on him and do not allow some experienced elders to help them investigate him further before accepting him.
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Shortly after the nikah has been conducted and consummated the brother starts to show his true colour but it's too late then. This results in physical, verbal and emotional abuse and inevitably leads to a bitter divorce. The sister may be left to cater for a child or two and sometimes a pregnancy all alone after divorce.
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There are so many of our young sisters suffering this plight today. We urge our brothers to take from these divorcee sisters who have been so unfortunate as second, third and fourth wives in order to relieve them of their miseries for most of them slip into depression and later start having suicidal thoughts if not well taken care of on time.
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They usually need psychological therapy but the best therapy that they are in need of is nikah that is to remarry. This time they need to be extra cautious because once bitten twice shy. This will help to heal their emotional wounds faster and more easily get over their sadness and depression.
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May Allah ease the affairs of our young divorcees and answer their prayers swiftly. Amin.
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Fuad-deen Olabisi Kekere-ekun
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When they receive marriage proposal from a pious brother, they complain that he is poor because he has no jeep car or mansion or he cannot rent a big apartment for them. So they ditch him for a more comfortable brother whose deen is questionable. The warning in the hadith comes true on them and they face the punishment of rejecting the proposal of a pious brother.
.
However there are some innocent and naive sisters who seek pious brothers but fall into wrong hands because they didn't do their istisharah along with the istikharah. They fail to thoroughly investigate the brother before accepting his proposal. They rely on the little info they have on him and do not allow some experienced elders to help them investigate him further before accepting him.
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Shortly after the nikah has been conducted and consummated the brother starts to show his true colour but it's too late then. This results in physical, verbal and emotional abuse and inevitably leads to a bitter divorce. The sister may be left to cater for a child or two and sometimes a pregnancy all alone after divorce.
.
There are so many of our young sisters suffering this plight today. We urge our brothers to take from these divorcee sisters who have been so unfortunate as second, third and fourth wives in order to relieve them of their miseries for most of them slip into depression and later start having suicidal thoughts if not well taken care of on time.
.
They usually need psychological therapy but the best therapy that they are in need of is nikah that is to remarry. This time they need to be extra cautious because once bitten twice shy. This will help to heal their emotional wounds faster and more easily get over their sadness and depression.
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May Allah ease the affairs of our young divorcees and answer their prayers swiftly. Amin.
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Fuad-deen Olabisi Kekere-ekun
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LOOKING FOR YOUR SOULMATE?
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The first loneliness in human history was answered not by a friend, but by a spouse. Allah created Hawwa (عليها السلام) for Adam (عليه السلام), establishing the first relationship between husband and wife.
So value your spouse. Don’t take their presence, love, or sacrifices for granted. Treat them with mercy, kindness, and respect, and remember that marriage is a blessing from Allah.
A righteous spouse is not just a life partner, but a companion who can help you grow in Deen and walk towards Jannah together. 🤍
So value your spouse. Don’t take their presence, love, or sacrifices for granted. Treat them with mercy, kindness, and respect, and remember that marriage is a blessing from Allah.
A righteous spouse is not just a life partner, but a companion who can help you grow in Deen and walk towards Jannah together. 🤍
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Marriage means facing many seasons of life together.
Some days you’re smiling while buying a home, traveling, or starting a family; other days you’re arguing, mad, and disconnected. But to be married, you signed up for both the happy days and the hard days.
Through the ups and downs, keep choosing love.
In between the happy announcements and the arguments, remember you’re on the same team.
Some days you’re smiling while buying a home, traveling, or starting a family; other days you’re arguing, mad, and disconnected. But to be married, you signed up for both the happy days and the hard days.
Through the ups and downs, keep choosing love.
In between the happy announcements and the arguments, remember you’re on the same team.
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If you didn't want men commenting "Ma Sha Allāh" on your wife's pics, why did you marry a woman who takes pictures? That's right. You thought you could change her.
A man will marry a kharijee and become.. kharijee. A man will marry a Shee'ah and become... Shee'ah. I've even seen Brothers who married Christians who began celebrating Christmas. The woman has a greater influence on a man than many of us will admit. Choose wisely.
A man will marry a kharijee and become.. kharijee. A man will marry a Shee'ah and become... Shee'ah. I've even seen Brothers who married Christians who began celebrating Christmas. The woman has a greater influence on a man than many of us will admit. Choose wisely.
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Some women have a relationship fantasy where:
“She can insult him, disrespect him, or lose her temper... but he should never get angry.”
“He should know what she needs without her telling him.”
“He should understand her mood without her explaining it.”
“He should fulfil all her dreams.”
“He should always be patient, calm, emotionally available, and somehow read her mind, but she won't do the same for him.”
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Your man is not a mind reader.
And love does not make someone immune to your behaviour.
You are allowed to have emotions.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to have needs.
But so is he.
A healthy relationship isn’t about finding someone who tolerates everything you do because “he loves you.”
It’s about becoming someone who can communicate, take accountability, respect boundaries, and repair after conflict.
Wanting to be loved deeply is healthy human need.
Expecting someone to tolerate disrespect indefinitely is entitlement.
Real love isn’t:
“I can do whatever I want and you still have to stay.”
Real love is:
“Even when I’m angry, I will still respect you.”
#relationshippsychology
#toxicrelationshippatterns
“She can insult him, disrespect him, or lose her temper... but he should never get angry.”
“He should know what she needs without her telling him.”
“He should understand her mood without her explaining it.”
“He should fulfil all her dreams.”
“He should always be patient, calm, emotionally available, and somehow read her mind, but she won't do the same for him.”
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Your man is not a mind reader.
And love does not make someone immune to your behaviour.
You are allowed to have emotions.
You are allowed to be angry.
You are allowed to have needs.
But so is he.
A healthy relationship isn’t about finding someone who tolerates everything you do because “he loves you.”
It’s about becoming someone who can communicate, take accountability, respect boundaries, and repair after conflict.
Wanting to be loved deeply is healthy human need.
Expecting someone to tolerate disrespect indefinitely is entitlement.
Real love isn’t:
“I can do whatever I want and you still have to stay.”
Real love is:
“Even when I’m angry, I will still respect you.”
#relationshippsychology
#toxicrelationshippatterns
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How on earth can a man who is just 30 years old have an own house and a car (in these times of inflation and job insecurity)
The woman may be earning peanuts, but the woman and her parents want a rich guy!
No wonder, young men in India are hardly interested in getting married now a days.
#marriage
The woman may be earning peanuts, but the woman and her parents want a rich guy!
No wonder, young men in India are hardly interested in getting married now a days.
#marriage
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Four females occupy a man’s heart: his mother, his wife, his sister and his daughter.
As for the mother; Allaah’s pleasure lies in her pleasure.
As for the sister; kindness to her is a source of blessings.
As for the wife; honouring her is an obligation enjoined by the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم).
As for the daughter; giving her good upbringing and treating her compassionately are key to Paradise.
As for the mother; Allaah’s pleasure lies in her pleasure.
As for the sister; kindness to her is a source of blessings.
As for the wife; honouring her is an obligation enjoined by the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم).
As for the daughter; giving her good upbringing and treating her compassionately are key to Paradise.
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HOW TO VERIFY A SUITOR
Understand first that no method is 100% effective but then the idea is to minimize risk enough to go in, not be 100%, so that's fine.
In the wake of events today, it's become extra important to do checks on suitors before committing to them.
Many will come with pretence and scripted performances but you can avoid many.
Define what you desire: This alone makes your decisions easier. If you don't define what you desire, it becomes easier for you to be confused by a pretentious suitor.
Pray: This is straightforward. You are running checks because it's the sensible thing to do but you will always need prayers too.
Interact and engage: No matter how smooth a person is, there'd always be a lot that can be figured out from engaging them. Even the best actors make slips.
Use the internet: You'd be shocked what you find with a simple name search. Beyond that, understand that many have fake social media profiles however, there's always a link to other profiles they own. In comments, pictures, posts, friends etc, there's enough to learn about who a person is today but importantly, who they were.
Engage a PI if needed: You are about to commit, at this point let logic drive you not emotions. Anybody can lie or pretend and you have not developed enough trust yet. A private investigator is even more critical if you have met over matchmaking sites or live in separate locations.
Get premarital counseling: It's one thing to have data, it's another thing to interpret it. This you can be taught over your premarital counseling program, identifying unique red flags, breaking points and knowing how to deal with them.
Make unannounced physical visits: Limit this to just neighborhood and public places. Don't go into a person's private residence unaccompanied! A lot is often revealed here including work and role claims, status, public perception etc.
Run checks on family background: Make such checks independent of what the suitor claims.
Run medical checks from your own verified institution: Let this be thorough and wide including performance, fertility, blood and other checks.
Don't delay but don't rush: People best hide things when they rush you.
Run checks on claimed friends and associates: Birds of the same feather often flock together and while suitors may hide, friends and associates are more likely to make slips and reveal the hidden.
Understand first that no method is 100% effective but then the idea is to minimize risk enough to go in, not be 100%, so that's fine.
In the wake of events today, it's become extra important to do checks on suitors before committing to them.
Many will come with pretence and scripted performances but you can avoid many.
Define what you desire: This alone makes your decisions easier. If you don't define what you desire, it becomes easier for you to be confused by a pretentious suitor.
Pray: This is straightforward. You are running checks because it's the sensible thing to do but you will always need prayers too.
Interact and engage: No matter how smooth a person is, there'd always be a lot that can be figured out from engaging them. Even the best actors make slips.
Use the internet: You'd be shocked what you find with a simple name search. Beyond that, understand that many have fake social media profiles however, there's always a link to other profiles they own. In comments, pictures, posts, friends etc, there's enough to learn about who a person is today but importantly, who they were.
Engage a PI if needed: You are about to commit, at this point let logic drive you not emotions. Anybody can lie or pretend and you have not developed enough trust yet. A private investigator is even more critical if you have met over matchmaking sites or live in separate locations.
Get premarital counseling: It's one thing to have data, it's another thing to interpret it. This you can be taught over your premarital counseling program, identifying unique red flags, breaking points and knowing how to deal with them.
Make unannounced physical visits: Limit this to just neighborhood and public places. Don't go into a person's private residence unaccompanied! A lot is often revealed here including work and role claims, status, public perception etc.
Run checks on family background: Make such checks independent of what the suitor claims.
Run medical checks from your own verified institution: Let this be thorough and wide including performance, fertility, blood and other checks.
Don't delay but don't rush: People best hide things when they rush you.
Run checks on claimed friends and associates: Birds of the same feather often flock together and while suitors may hide, friends and associates are more likely to make slips and reveal the hidden.
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Divorcing your wife does not mean you are divorced from your children and your responsibility towards them. Having children is an amanah that comes with Islamic obligations. The father is required to provide for his children’s financial and emotional needs. Children face numerous challenges even while living in a stable home, and yet these challenges are only compounded when they are forced to endure the breakup of the two most beloved people to them. When a divorce takes place, and it is at times unavoidable, men need to step up and make a calculated decision to do more than they would have if they remained in the marriage. Unfortunately, we see many males fall short in even providing the basic necessities. Some men are genuinely struggling financially and yet ensure their children are not lacking in anything, while others Allah SWT has blessed with wealth and yet they prefer to withhold this support from their children to punish the ex-wife, oblivious that they are only punishing themselves by failing to fulfil their Islamic obligation. You may be able to run away from paying child support in this dunya, but you will not be able to run away from Allah SWT on the Day of Judgment.
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given It”. (65:7)👑👑
May Allah ﷻ reward those single mothers who take on the role of a mother and father and struggle to raise their children on the right path. May Allah elevate their rank in this world and the next.
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given It”. (65:7)👑👑
May Allah ﷻ reward those single mothers who take on the role of a mother and father and struggle to raise their children on the right path. May Allah elevate their rank in this world and the next.
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Sis, do you want to be a Khadījah? 🌹
The same Khadījah, the loving wife that was there for the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. The fine lady who supported him morally and emotionally.
The same Khadījah, who was wealthy and spent all of her wealth to support her husband and his Da'wah.
The same Khadījah who consoled the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ after he felt fear after receiving the first revelation in the cave of Hirā'.
The same Khadījah who assured him that Allāh would not never disgrace him ﷺ.
Or do you picture Khadījah to be like those women today who compete with their husbands?
You know, those same ones who make a false analogy that Muslim women today who go to university and grind through the corporate world to become top CEOs are the "Khadījahs" of today.
Whereas Khadījah was not anyone's employee, she was self-employed. She did not freely mix with men. In fact, she married the man she hired to take care of her trade, none other than the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ.
And yes, the Khadījah that cooked for and served her husband, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. So much so that the Angel Jibrīl came to the Messenger ﷺ when Khadījah was coming to him with a dish of food or a tumbler containing something to drink.
Jibrīl told the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ to convey her a greeting from Allāh and to give her the glad tidings that she will have a palace in Paradise built of jewels wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue or trouble.
That was Khadījah, may Allāh be pleased with her, a woman as an example for all women who want to be real women.
As for those other women who have a twisted perception of Khadījah, then they should know that there are many women who are not like that.
Women who don't respect men will not find good men. And good men will not desire them. Women who don't respect men will settle for men who are not masculine, responsible, and independent.
And for us men who are working in the Da'wah and trying hard to serve Allāh's religion, it is not that we can't handle the "independent" women, we can.
But why would we waste our energy on that when there are so many fine Muslim women out there who are genuinely looking to emulate the Mothers of the Believers and lady companions as mothers and wives?
Allāh described righteous women, and Allāh always speaks the truth. So Muslim women should decide in which camp they would like to be.
"So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard." [Noble Qur'ān 4:34]
The same Khadījah, the loving wife that was there for the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. The fine lady who supported him morally and emotionally.
The same Khadījah, who was wealthy and spent all of her wealth to support her husband and his Da'wah.
The same Khadījah who consoled the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ after he felt fear after receiving the first revelation in the cave of Hirā'.
The same Khadījah who assured him that Allāh would not never disgrace him ﷺ.
Or do you picture Khadījah to be like those women today who compete with their husbands?
You know, those same ones who make a false analogy that Muslim women today who go to university and grind through the corporate world to become top CEOs are the "Khadījahs" of today.
Whereas Khadījah was not anyone's employee, she was self-employed. She did not freely mix with men. In fact, she married the man she hired to take care of her trade, none other than the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ.
And yes, the Khadījah that cooked for and served her husband, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. So much so that the Angel Jibrīl came to the Messenger ﷺ when Khadījah was coming to him with a dish of food or a tumbler containing something to drink.
Jibrīl told the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ to convey her a greeting from Allāh and to give her the glad tidings that she will have a palace in Paradise built of jewels wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue or trouble.
That was Khadījah, may Allāh be pleased with her, a woman as an example for all women who want to be real women.
As for those other women who have a twisted perception of Khadījah, then they should know that there are many women who are not like that.
Women who don't respect men will not find good men. And good men will not desire them. Women who don't respect men will settle for men who are not masculine, responsible, and independent.
And for us men who are working in the Da'wah and trying hard to serve Allāh's religion, it is not that we can't handle the "independent" women, we can.
But why would we waste our energy on that when there are so many fine Muslim women out there who are genuinely looking to emulate the Mothers of the Believers and lady companions as mothers and wives?
Allāh described righteous women, and Allāh always speaks the truth. So Muslim women should decide in which camp they would like to be.
"So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard." [Noble Qur'ān 4:34]
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One of the common causes of post-married sexual issues that I am seeing nowadays is due to incompatibility.
The most likely cause of marital incompatibility is the unrequited expectations that each partner has for the other.
Expectations ---> disappointment
Disappointment ---> marital conflict
Marital conflict -----> stress
Stress-----> Sexual issues
Sexual issues between the couple worsens the already delicate marital bond.
Seek help with a counsellor or a psychologist who can address both the marital as well as sexual issues, before it's too late....before kids enter the picture....
#sexualmedicine
The most likely cause of marital incompatibility is the unrequited expectations that each partner has for the other.
Expectations ---> disappointment
Disappointment ---> marital conflict
Marital conflict -----> stress
Stress-----> Sexual issues
Sexual issues between the couple worsens the already delicate marital bond.
Seek help with a counsellor or a psychologist who can address both the marital as well as sexual issues, before it's too late....before kids enter the picture....
#sexualmedicine
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Truly, marrying a previously married woman is a sunnah, so is marrying an unmarried young woman. Both are acceptable, as Allah has made it permissible for us to choose from that which pleases us.
However, many of us are often guilty of insensitivity when talking about divorcees and widows. This usually happens when we argue with women who claim - most times out emotions - when talking about polygyny, that brothers are neglecting the previously married women and seeking young virgins, in such a way that suggest that they are only supporting their aversion towards polygyny and not really fighting for the previously married. In trying to defend our right to marry our choice, we end up using degrading words at times.
People who lost their husbands didn't plan for it and also, no one goes into marriage planning to be divorced, it just happens and its beyond control. Apart from financial problems, there's the need for companionship that can't be gotten outside of marriage without committing sin, this is one mountain of problems faced by the previously married. The weak in Eemaan may fall into zina and the strong may fall into depression due to needs.
The pious predecessors would hasten to marry widows and divorcees, seeking Allah's pleasure thereby as they know that they are averting evil (which takes precedence over doing good) and also promoting righteousness. Ensuring that people whose husbands died and those who have failed marriages marry again is a responsibility upon us which most of us neglect. Most of us prefer our wives staying at home, and has the thought of what will happen to them if we were to die cross our minds? Have we imagined our siblings being divorced?
The bitter truth is that, there's no difference between the young girl we are chasing at times and the widow or the sister who just got divorced, except for the fact that she has 'known' a man or she has children. Rather, she may even be better as that unmarried sister might have been 'accessed' by many brothers, that of course excludes of circumstances and the repentant only that she hasn't gotten pregnant, what then is the excitement all about?
No doubt, there are previously married women who would meet a large part of the criteria we seek in an unmarried young girl, and if we think about the rewards that comes with marrying - when accompanied with the right intentions - we will be at ease. After all, we are permitted to have more than one.
The least we can do if we are not able to do this is to speak good words and render the help we can. Her self respect is not diminished by her status. It may be you, it may be a dear relative. Moreover, we are Muslims, we do not neglect one another.
May Allah ease our affairs.
Al Mahboob
However, many of us are often guilty of insensitivity when talking about divorcees and widows. This usually happens when we argue with women who claim - most times out emotions - when talking about polygyny, that brothers are neglecting the previously married women and seeking young virgins, in such a way that suggest that they are only supporting their aversion towards polygyny and not really fighting for the previously married. In trying to defend our right to marry our choice, we end up using degrading words at times.
People who lost their husbands didn't plan for it and also, no one goes into marriage planning to be divorced, it just happens and its beyond control. Apart from financial problems, there's the need for companionship that can't be gotten outside of marriage without committing sin, this is one mountain of problems faced by the previously married. The weak in Eemaan may fall into zina and the strong may fall into depression due to needs.
The pious predecessors would hasten to marry widows and divorcees, seeking Allah's pleasure thereby as they know that they are averting evil (which takes precedence over doing good) and also promoting righteousness. Ensuring that people whose husbands died and those who have failed marriages marry again is a responsibility upon us which most of us neglect. Most of us prefer our wives staying at home, and has the thought of what will happen to them if we were to die cross our minds? Have we imagined our siblings being divorced?
The bitter truth is that, there's no difference between the young girl we are chasing at times and the widow or the sister who just got divorced, except for the fact that she has 'known' a man or she has children. Rather, she may even be better as that unmarried sister might have been 'accessed' by many brothers, that of course excludes of circumstances and the repentant only that she hasn't gotten pregnant, what then is the excitement all about?
No doubt, there are previously married women who would meet a large part of the criteria we seek in an unmarried young girl, and if we think about the rewards that comes with marrying - when accompanied with the right intentions - we will be at ease. After all, we are permitted to have more than one.
The least we can do if we are not able to do this is to speak good words and render the help we can. Her self respect is not diminished by her status. It may be you, it may be a dear relative. Moreover, we are Muslims, we do not neglect one another.
May Allah ease our affairs.
Al Mahboob
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