HOW TO VERIFY A SUITOR
Understand first that no method is 100% effective but then the idea is to minimize risk enough to go in, not be 100%, so that's fine.
In the wake of events today, it's become extra important to do checks on suitors before committing to them.
Many will come with pretence and scripted performances but you can avoid many.
Define what you desire: This alone makes your decisions easier. If you don't define what you desire, it becomes easier for you to be confused by a pretentious suitor.
Pray: This is straightforward. You are running checks because it's the sensible thing to do but you will always need prayers too.
Interact and engage: No matter how smooth a person is, there'd always be a lot that can be figured out from engaging them. Even the best actors make slips.
Use the internet: You'd be shocked what you find with a simple name search. Beyond that, understand that many have fake social media profiles however, there's always a link to other profiles they own. In comments, pictures, posts, friends etc, there's enough to learn about who a person is today but importantly, who they were.
Engage a PI if needed: You are about to commit, at this point let logic drive you not emotions. Anybody can lie or pretend and you have not developed enough trust yet. A private investigator is even more critical if you have met over matchmaking sites or live in separate locations.
Get premarital counseling: It's one thing to have data, it's another thing to interpret it. This you can be taught over your premarital counseling program, identifying unique red flags, breaking points and knowing how to deal with them.
Make unannounced physical visits: Limit this to just neighborhood and public places. Don't go into a person's private residence unaccompanied! A lot is often revealed here including work and role claims, status, public perception etc.
Run checks on family background: Make such checks independent of what the suitor claims.
Run medical checks from your own verified institution: Let this be thorough and wide including performance, fertility, blood and other checks.
Don't delay but don't rush: People best hide things when they rush you.
Run checks on claimed friends and associates: Birds of the same feather often flock together and while suitors may hide, friends and associates are more likely to make slips and reveal the hidden.
Understand first that no method is 100% effective but then the idea is to minimize risk enough to go in, not be 100%, so that's fine.
In the wake of events today, it's become extra important to do checks on suitors before committing to them.
Many will come with pretence and scripted performances but you can avoid many.
Define what you desire: This alone makes your decisions easier. If you don't define what you desire, it becomes easier for you to be confused by a pretentious suitor.
Pray: This is straightforward. You are running checks because it's the sensible thing to do but you will always need prayers too.
Interact and engage: No matter how smooth a person is, there'd always be a lot that can be figured out from engaging them. Even the best actors make slips.
Use the internet: You'd be shocked what you find with a simple name search. Beyond that, understand that many have fake social media profiles however, there's always a link to other profiles they own. In comments, pictures, posts, friends etc, there's enough to learn about who a person is today but importantly, who they were.
Engage a PI if needed: You are about to commit, at this point let logic drive you not emotions. Anybody can lie or pretend and you have not developed enough trust yet. A private investigator is even more critical if you have met over matchmaking sites or live in separate locations.
Get premarital counseling: It's one thing to have data, it's another thing to interpret it. This you can be taught over your premarital counseling program, identifying unique red flags, breaking points and knowing how to deal with them.
Make unannounced physical visits: Limit this to just neighborhood and public places. Don't go into a person's private residence unaccompanied! A lot is often revealed here including work and role claims, status, public perception etc.
Run checks on family background: Make such checks independent of what the suitor claims.
Run medical checks from your own verified institution: Let this be thorough and wide including performance, fertility, blood and other checks.
Don't delay but don't rush: People best hide things when they rush you.
Run checks on claimed friends and associates: Birds of the same feather often flock together and while suitors may hide, friends and associates are more likely to make slips and reveal the hidden.
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Divorcing your wife does not mean you are divorced from your children and your responsibility towards them. Having children is an amanah that comes with Islamic obligations. The father is required to provide for his children’s financial and emotional needs. Children face numerous challenges even while living in a stable home, and yet these challenges are only compounded when they are forced to endure the breakup of the two most beloved people to them. When a divorce takes place, and it is at times unavoidable, men need to step up and make a calculated decision to do more than they would have if they remained in the marriage. Unfortunately, we see many males fall short in even providing the basic necessities. Some men are genuinely struggling financially and yet ensure their children are not lacking in anything, while others Allah SWT has blessed with wealth and yet they prefer to withhold this support from their children to punish the ex-wife, oblivious that they are only punishing themselves by failing to fulfil their Islamic obligation. You may be able to run away from paying child support in this dunya, but you will not be able to run away from Allah SWT on the Day of Judgment.
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given It”. (65:7)👑👑
May Allah ﷻ reward those single mothers who take on the role of a mother and father and struggle to raise their children on the right path. May Allah elevate their rank in this world and the next.
“Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given It”. (65:7)👑👑
May Allah ﷻ reward those single mothers who take on the role of a mother and father and struggle to raise their children on the right path. May Allah elevate their rank in this world and the next.
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Sis, do you want to be a Khadījah? 🌹
The same Khadījah, the loving wife that was there for the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. The fine lady who supported him morally and emotionally.
The same Khadījah, who was wealthy and spent all of her wealth to support her husband and his Da'wah.
The same Khadījah who consoled the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ after he felt fear after receiving the first revelation in the cave of Hirā'.
The same Khadījah who assured him that Allāh would not never disgrace him ﷺ.
Or do you picture Khadījah to be like those women today who compete with their husbands?
You know, those same ones who make a false analogy that Muslim women today who go to university and grind through the corporate world to become top CEOs are the "Khadījahs" of today.
Whereas Khadījah was not anyone's employee, she was self-employed. She did not freely mix with men. In fact, she married the man she hired to take care of her trade, none other than the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ.
And yes, the Khadījah that cooked for and served her husband, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. So much so that the Angel Jibrīl came to the Messenger ﷺ when Khadījah was coming to him with a dish of food or a tumbler containing something to drink.
Jibrīl told the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ to convey her a greeting from Allāh and to give her the glad tidings that she will have a palace in Paradise built of jewels wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue or trouble.
That was Khadījah, may Allāh be pleased with her, a woman as an example for all women who want to be real women.
As for those other women who have a twisted perception of Khadījah, then they should know that there are many women who are not like that.
Women who don't respect men will not find good men. And good men will not desire them. Women who don't respect men will settle for men who are not masculine, responsible, and independent.
And for us men who are working in the Da'wah and trying hard to serve Allāh's religion, it is not that we can't handle the "independent" women, we can.
But why would we waste our energy on that when there are so many fine Muslim women out there who are genuinely looking to emulate the Mothers of the Believers and lady companions as mothers and wives?
Allāh described righteous women, and Allāh always speaks the truth. So Muslim women should decide in which camp they would like to be.
"So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard." [Noble Qur'ān 4:34]
The same Khadījah, the loving wife that was there for the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. The fine lady who supported him morally and emotionally.
The same Khadījah, who was wealthy and spent all of her wealth to support her husband and his Da'wah.
The same Khadījah who consoled the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ after he felt fear after receiving the first revelation in the cave of Hirā'.
The same Khadījah who assured him that Allāh would not never disgrace him ﷺ.
Or do you picture Khadījah to be like those women today who compete with their husbands?
You know, those same ones who make a false analogy that Muslim women today who go to university and grind through the corporate world to become top CEOs are the "Khadījahs" of today.
Whereas Khadījah was not anyone's employee, she was self-employed. She did not freely mix with men. In fact, she married the man she hired to take care of her trade, none other than the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ.
And yes, the Khadījah that cooked for and served her husband, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ. So much so that the Angel Jibrīl came to the Messenger ﷺ when Khadījah was coming to him with a dish of food or a tumbler containing something to drink.
Jibrīl told the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ to convey her a greeting from Allāh and to give her the glad tidings that she will have a palace in Paradise built of jewels wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue or trouble.
That was Khadījah, may Allāh be pleased with her, a woman as an example for all women who want to be real women.
As for those other women who have a twisted perception of Khadījah, then they should know that there are many women who are not like that.
Women who don't respect men will not find good men. And good men will not desire them. Women who don't respect men will settle for men who are not masculine, responsible, and independent.
And for us men who are working in the Da'wah and trying hard to serve Allāh's religion, it is not that we can't handle the "independent" women, we can.
But why would we waste our energy on that when there are so many fine Muslim women out there who are genuinely looking to emulate the Mothers of the Believers and lady companions as mothers and wives?
Allāh described righteous women, and Allāh always speaks the truth. So Muslim women should decide in which camp they would like to be.
"So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard." [Noble Qur'ān 4:34]
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One of the common causes of post-married sexual issues that I am seeing nowadays is due to incompatibility.
The most likely cause of marital incompatibility is the unrequited expectations that each partner has for the other.
Expectations ---> disappointment
Disappointment ---> marital conflict
Marital conflict -----> stress
Stress-----> Sexual issues
Sexual issues between the couple worsens the already delicate marital bond.
Seek help with a counsellor or a psychologist who can address both the marital as well as sexual issues, before it's too late....before kids enter the picture....
#sexualmedicine
The most likely cause of marital incompatibility is the unrequited expectations that each partner has for the other.
Expectations ---> disappointment
Disappointment ---> marital conflict
Marital conflict -----> stress
Stress-----> Sexual issues
Sexual issues between the couple worsens the already delicate marital bond.
Seek help with a counsellor or a psychologist who can address both the marital as well as sexual issues, before it's too late....before kids enter the picture....
#sexualmedicine
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Truly, marrying a previously married woman is a sunnah, so is marrying an unmarried young woman. Both are acceptable, as Allah has made it permissible for us to choose from that which pleases us.
However, many of us are often guilty of insensitivity when talking about divorcees and widows. This usually happens when we argue with women who claim - most times out emotions - when talking about polygyny, that brothers are neglecting the previously married women and seeking young virgins, in such a way that suggest that they are only supporting their aversion towards polygyny and not really fighting for the previously married. In trying to defend our right to marry our choice, we end up using degrading words at times.
People who lost their husbands didn't plan for it and also, no one goes into marriage planning to be divorced, it just happens and its beyond control. Apart from financial problems, there's the need for companionship that can't be gotten outside of marriage without committing sin, this is one mountain of problems faced by the previously married. The weak in Eemaan may fall into zina and the strong may fall into depression due to needs.
The pious predecessors would hasten to marry widows and divorcees, seeking Allah's pleasure thereby as they know that they are averting evil (which takes precedence over doing good) and also promoting righteousness. Ensuring that people whose husbands died and those who have failed marriages marry again is a responsibility upon us which most of us neglect. Most of us prefer our wives staying at home, and has the thought of what will happen to them if we were to die cross our minds? Have we imagined our siblings being divorced?
The bitter truth is that, there's no difference between the young girl we are chasing at times and the widow or the sister who just got divorced, except for the fact that she has 'known' a man or she has children. Rather, she may even be better as that unmarried sister might have been 'accessed' by many brothers, that of course excludes of circumstances and the repentant only that she hasn't gotten pregnant, what then is the excitement all about?
No doubt, there are previously married women who would meet a large part of the criteria we seek in an unmarried young girl, and if we think about the rewards that comes with marrying - when accompanied with the right intentions - we will be at ease. After all, we are permitted to have more than one.
The least we can do if we are not able to do this is to speak good words and render the help we can. Her self respect is not diminished by her status. It may be you, it may be a dear relative. Moreover, we are Muslims, we do not neglect one another.
May Allah ease our affairs.
Al Mahboob
However, many of us are often guilty of insensitivity when talking about divorcees and widows. This usually happens when we argue with women who claim - most times out emotions - when talking about polygyny, that brothers are neglecting the previously married women and seeking young virgins, in such a way that suggest that they are only supporting their aversion towards polygyny and not really fighting for the previously married. In trying to defend our right to marry our choice, we end up using degrading words at times.
People who lost their husbands didn't plan for it and also, no one goes into marriage planning to be divorced, it just happens and its beyond control. Apart from financial problems, there's the need for companionship that can't be gotten outside of marriage without committing sin, this is one mountain of problems faced by the previously married. The weak in Eemaan may fall into zina and the strong may fall into depression due to needs.
The pious predecessors would hasten to marry widows and divorcees, seeking Allah's pleasure thereby as they know that they are averting evil (which takes precedence over doing good) and also promoting righteousness. Ensuring that people whose husbands died and those who have failed marriages marry again is a responsibility upon us which most of us neglect. Most of us prefer our wives staying at home, and has the thought of what will happen to them if we were to die cross our minds? Have we imagined our siblings being divorced?
The bitter truth is that, there's no difference between the young girl we are chasing at times and the widow or the sister who just got divorced, except for the fact that she has 'known' a man or she has children. Rather, she may even be better as that unmarried sister might have been 'accessed' by many brothers, that of course excludes of circumstances and the repentant only that she hasn't gotten pregnant, what then is the excitement all about?
No doubt, there are previously married women who would meet a large part of the criteria we seek in an unmarried young girl, and if we think about the rewards that comes with marrying - when accompanied with the right intentions - we will be at ease. After all, we are permitted to have more than one.
The least we can do if we are not able to do this is to speak good words and render the help we can. Her self respect is not diminished by her status. It may be you, it may be a dear relative. Moreover, we are Muslims, we do not neglect one another.
May Allah ease our affairs.
Al Mahboob
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THE NATURE OF MEN
Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله explained that people differ greatly in their natural dispositions, character, ambitions, and the harm or benefit that may come from them. In Madarij as-Salikin, he gives powerful examples by comparing certain types of people to animals whose characteristics illustrate their behavior.
LIKE LIONS
Some people resemble lions in their disposition. They possess an aggressive temperament, a strong drive to dominate, and a desire to overpower those around them whenever they have the ability to do so.
This does not mean that every strong or courageous person is blameworthy. Islam praises courage when it is controlled by obedience to Allah and used for what is right. The blameworthy characteristic is oppression, arrogance, aggression, and the desire to subjugate others.
Allah says:
وَلَا تَعْتَدُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ
Do not transgress. Indeed, Allah does not love the transgressors.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:190
True strength is therefore not merely the ability to overpower another person. The Prophet ﷺ said that the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6114; Sahih Muslim 2609
LIKE RATS
Others resemble rats in their corrupt and destructive behavior. They may be inherently inclined toward wickedness, spreading discord, causing suspicion, carrying tales, and creating problems between people.
This is especially dangerous because a person who constantly spreads discord can destroy relationships, families, friendships, and communities without directly appearing to be the cause.
Allah severely warned against this behavior:
هَمَّازٍ مَشَّاءٍ بِنَمِيمٍ
A slanderer who goes about spreading malicious gossip.
Surah al-Qalam 68:11
The Prophet ﷺ also warned about namimah, carrying tales between people in order to cause corruption and discord. He ﷺ passed by two graves and said that one of their inhabitants was being punished because he used to spread namimah.
Sahih al-Bukhari 216; Sahih Muslim 292
Therefore, the believer must be careful about the person who constantly brings rumors, exposes people's private affairs, carries statements from one person to another, and creates conflict wherever he goes.
LIKE SNAKES AND SCORPIONS
Ibn al-Qayyim also describes another category as resembling poisonous creatures such as snakes and scorpions.
The comparison is especially severe because the danger of such a person is not merely that he is unpleasant to be around. Rather, he actively causes harm.
A snake may appear quiet, yet its bite can be deadly. Likewise, some people may appear calm and friendly while concealing harmful intentions, plotting against others, spreading corruption, or waiting for an opportunity to cause damage.
Allah commands the believers to recognize harmful behavior and protect themselves from it:
وَلَا يَحِيقُ الْمَكْرُ السَّيِّئُ إِلَّا بِأَهْلِهِ
But evil plotting only encompasses its own people.
Surah Fatir 35:43
THE LESSON
The purpose of these comparisons is not to teach us to label every difficult person as a lion, rat, snake, or scorpion. Rather, Ibn al-Qayyim is illustrating how deeply a person's character can affect those around him.
Some people bring courage and protection.
Some bring strength but must control their aggression.
Some spread discord wherever they go.
And some are genuinely dangerous because they deliberately harm others.
The believer should therefore examine his own character before examining the character of others.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
The best of you are those who are best in character.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6035
A person should ask himself: Do people feel safe from my tongue? Do I spread people's secrets? Do I create problems between others? Do I become oppressive when I have power? Do I control my anger? Do I protect people from my harm?
Allah says:
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّاهَا
Successful indeed is the one who purifies it, and failed indeed is the one who corrupts it.
Surah ash-Shams 91:9–10
Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله explained that people differ greatly in their natural dispositions, character, ambitions, and the harm or benefit that may come from them. In Madarij as-Salikin, he gives powerful examples by comparing certain types of people to animals whose characteristics illustrate their behavior.
LIKE LIONS
Some people resemble lions in their disposition. They possess an aggressive temperament, a strong drive to dominate, and a desire to overpower those around them whenever they have the ability to do so.
This does not mean that every strong or courageous person is blameworthy. Islam praises courage when it is controlled by obedience to Allah and used for what is right. The blameworthy characteristic is oppression, arrogance, aggression, and the desire to subjugate others.
Allah says:
وَلَا تَعْتَدُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ
Do not transgress. Indeed, Allah does not love the transgressors.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:190
True strength is therefore not merely the ability to overpower another person. The Prophet ﷺ said that the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6114; Sahih Muslim 2609
LIKE RATS
Others resemble rats in their corrupt and destructive behavior. They may be inherently inclined toward wickedness, spreading discord, causing suspicion, carrying tales, and creating problems between people.
This is especially dangerous because a person who constantly spreads discord can destroy relationships, families, friendships, and communities without directly appearing to be the cause.
Allah severely warned against this behavior:
هَمَّازٍ مَشَّاءٍ بِنَمِيمٍ
A slanderer who goes about spreading malicious gossip.
Surah al-Qalam 68:11
The Prophet ﷺ also warned about namimah, carrying tales between people in order to cause corruption and discord. He ﷺ passed by two graves and said that one of their inhabitants was being punished because he used to spread namimah.
Sahih al-Bukhari 216; Sahih Muslim 292
Therefore, the believer must be careful about the person who constantly brings rumors, exposes people's private affairs, carries statements from one person to another, and creates conflict wherever he goes.
LIKE SNAKES AND SCORPIONS
Ibn al-Qayyim also describes another category as resembling poisonous creatures such as snakes and scorpions.
The comparison is especially severe because the danger of such a person is not merely that he is unpleasant to be around. Rather, he actively causes harm.
A snake may appear quiet, yet its bite can be deadly. Likewise, some people may appear calm and friendly while concealing harmful intentions, plotting against others, spreading corruption, or waiting for an opportunity to cause damage.
Allah commands the believers to recognize harmful behavior and protect themselves from it:
وَلَا يَحِيقُ الْمَكْرُ السَّيِّئُ إِلَّا بِأَهْلِهِ
But evil plotting only encompasses its own people.
Surah Fatir 35:43
THE LESSON
The purpose of these comparisons is not to teach us to label every difficult person as a lion, rat, snake, or scorpion. Rather, Ibn al-Qayyim is illustrating how deeply a person's character can affect those around him.
Some people bring courage and protection.
Some bring strength but must control their aggression.
Some spread discord wherever they go.
And some are genuinely dangerous because they deliberately harm others.
The believer should therefore examine his own character before examining the character of others.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
The best of you are those who are best in character.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6035
A person should ask himself: Do people feel safe from my tongue? Do I spread people's secrets? Do I create problems between others? Do I become oppressive when I have power? Do I control my anger? Do I protect people from my harm?
Allah says:
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّاهَا وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّاهَا
Successful indeed is the one who purifies it, and failed indeed is the one who corrupts it.
Surah ash-Shams 91:9–10
The real goal is not simply to identify the harmful characteristics in other people. It is to purify ourselves from them and strive to become people from whose hands and tongues others are safe.
Source: Ibn al-Qayyim, Madarij as-Salikin, 1/403–406, abridged.
O Allah, purify our hearts, beautify our character, and protect us from arrogance, oppression, anger, backbiting, and spreading discord. Make us people who bring benefit, peace, and goodness to others, and protect us from becoming a source of harm. Ameen 🤲🏾
Source: Ibn al-Qayyim, Madarij as-Salikin, 1/403–406, abridged.
O Allah, purify our hearts, beautify our character, and protect us from arrogance, oppression, anger, backbiting, and spreading discord. Make us people who bring benefit, peace, and goodness to others, and protect us from becoming a source of harm. Ameen 🤲🏾
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THE CYCLE OF FAMILY IMPACT:
1. Weak father - Spoiled daughter.
2. Dominating mother - mama's boy.
3. Narcissistic mother - insecure son.
4. Absent father - Self hating children.
5. Poor marriages - Unhappy homes.
6. Unhappy home - Unhappy society.
7. Strong father - confident daughter.
8. Feminine mother - Masculine son.
9. Present father - Self loving children.
10. Loving parents - Secure children.
11. Healthy marriage - Peaceful home.
12. Peaceful home - Strong society.
1. Weak father - Spoiled daughter.
2. Dominating mother - mama's boy.
3. Narcissistic mother - insecure son.
4. Absent father - Self hating children.
5. Poor marriages - Unhappy homes.
6. Unhappy home - Unhappy society.
7. Strong father - confident daughter.
8. Feminine mother - Masculine son.
9. Present father - Self loving children.
10. Loving parents - Secure children.
11. Healthy marriage - Peaceful home.
12. Peaceful home - Strong society.
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No handshake, hug, peck, kiss, or sex between two intending partners before marriage engagement and wedding proposal and "our parents are aware we are of our relationship" alone doesn't make the aforementioned halâl for two potential spouses. Having consensual sexual intercourse with someone you're not legally married to is zina (a major sin) in the sight of Allâh, even if man-made law terms it as legal.
Doing the aforementioned without being legally married is a sinful act, especially being intimate with each other which is a major sin.
Follow the laws of Allâh to Whom you shall return, and abstain from following your desires and Western cultures.
The punishment of Allâh is severe and unbearable.
Doing the aforementioned without being legally married is a sinful act, especially being intimate with each other which is a major sin.
Follow the laws of Allâh to Whom you shall return, and abstain from following your desires and Western cultures.
The punishment of Allâh is severe and unbearable.
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Muslim Marriage Tips
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Marriage After Zina: What the Scholars Said
It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents, whether the man marrying her is the one who committed zina with her or someone else. This is the position of the Hanbali school and scholars, including Ibn Hazm, Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Shanqiti, and Ibn ‘Uthaymin. (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82; Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Allah says:
“A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers.” [Translation al-Nur 24:3]
Al-Buhuti said:
“If a woman's zina is known, she is prohibited to the man who committed zina with her and to anyone else until she repents and the waiting period has elapsed.” (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82.)
Ibn Hazm said:
“It is not permissible for a woman who has committed zina to marry anyone—neither a man who commits zina nor a chaste man—until she repents.” (Al-Muhalla, 9/63.)
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Marriage to a woman who has committed zina is prohibited until she repents, regardless of whether the man who committed zina with her is the one marrying her or someone else.” (Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents and it is established that her womb is free of pregnancy.” (Ighathat al-Lahfan, 1/67.)
Al-Shanqiti said:
“If the man and woman who committed zina both repent, regret what they did, and resolve not to return to the sin, then their marriage is permissible.” (Adwa’ al-Bayan, 5/427.)
Ibn ‘Uthaymin said:
“It is not permissible for you to marry your daughter to a man who has committed zina until his repentance from zina becomes apparent and his condition becomes upright.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala al-Darb, 10/28.)
It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents, whether the man marrying her is the one who committed zina with her or someone else. This is the position of the Hanbali school and scholars, including Ibn Hazm, Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Shanqiti, and Ibn ‘Uthaymin. (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82; Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Allah says:
“A male fornicator would only marry a female fornicator or idolatress. And a female fornicator would only be married to a fornicator or idolater. This is ˹all˺ forbidden to the believers.” [Translation al-Nur 24:3]
Al-Buhuti said:
“If a woman's zina is known, she is prohibited to the man who committed zina with her and to anyone else until she repents and the waiting period has elapsed.” (Kashshaf al-Qina‘, 5/82.)
Ibn Hazm said:
“It is not permissible for a woman who has committed zina to marry anyone—neither a man who commits zina nor a chaste man—until she repents.” (Al-Muhalla, 9/63.)
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“Marriage to a woman who has committed zina is prohibited until she repents, regardless of whether the man who committed zina with her is the one marrying her or someone else.” (Majmu‘ al-Fatawa, 32/109.)
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“It is prohibited to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents and it is established that her womb is free of pregnancy.” (Ighathat al-Lahfan, 1/67.)
Al-Shanqiti said:
“If the man and woman who committed zina both repent, regret what they did, and resolve not to return to the sin, then their marriage is permissible.” (Adwa’ al-Bayan, 5/427.)
Ibn ‘Uthaymin said:
“It is not permissible for you to marry your daughter to a man who has committed zina until his repentance from zina becomes apparent and his condition becomes upright.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala al-Darb, 10/28.)
My sister, good marriages aren’t always showcased on social media.
In real life, there are intentional couples who support, grow, and show up for each other with love and care.
No, their marriage isn’t perfect.
But it’s not toxic, cold, or performative.
It’s real, built on mutual respect, effort, and prayer (dua).
In real life, there are intentional couples who support, grow, and show up for each other with love and care.
No, their marriage isn’t perfect.
But it’s not toxic, cold, or performative.
It’s real, built on mutual respect, effort, and prayer (dua).
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🌿 A Righteous Spouse Does Not Mean a Marriage Without Tests
Ibn Naṣr al-Faqīh رحمه الله said:
“I married a woman who had memorised the Book of Allah, memorised al-Muwaṭṭaʾ, and was devoted to worship. Yet despite all of that, I never had three consecutive days of happiness with her.”
📚 Al-Riyāḍ | 2/186
🌿 A Reminder:
Even when a person marries someone righteous, knowledgeable and devoted to worship, marriage can still have difficulties and tests.
Do not expect perfection from your spouse. Marriage requires patience, good character, forgiveness, overlooking faults, and continuing to treat one another well.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
📚 Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim | 1469
So focus on the good in your spouse, be patient with their shortcomings, and remember that a successful marriage is not one without problems, but one in which both spouses keep striving to please Allah and treat each other well.
And Allah knows best.
Ibn Naṣr al-Faqīh رحمه الله said:
“I married a woman who had memorised the Book of Allah, memorised al-Muwaṭṭaʾ, and was devoted to worship. Yet despite all of that, I never had three consecutive days of happiness with her.”
📚 Al-Riyāḍ | 2/186
🌿 A Reminder:
Even when a person marries someone righteous, knowledgeable and devoted to worship, marriage can still have difficulties and tests.
Do not expect perfection from your spouse. Marriage requires patience, good character, forgiveness, overlooking faults, and continuing to treat one another well.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
📚 Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim | 1469
So focus on the good in your spouse, be patient with their shortcomings, and remember that a successful marriage is not one without problems, but one in which both spouses keep striving to please Allah and treat each other well.
And Allah knows best.
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One of the dangers facing modern marriages is the habit of turning private marital disagreements into public entertainment. If you want to know what's happening in some people's marital relationships, just check their social media handles. Some partners have videos or messages of insults and attacks that fit the disagreements in their marriages.
A husband and wife may disagree in the morning, and before evening, Facebook, WhatsApp status, TikTok, or Instagram followers are already on it. Sometimes, the person does not mention their spouse's name, but the message is so obvious that friends, relatives, and colleagues know exactly who the post is about.
The problem is not just the social media post; it is the intention to embarrass, punish, provoke, or recruit outsiders against one's spouse. If private conversations have failed and the behaviour continues, consider involving a trustworthy marriage counsellor or a mature mediator acceptable to both partners.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
“And speak to people good [words].”
— Qur'an 2:83. These teachings encourage good speech, responsible conflict resolution, and fair intervention. A spouse should not use public humiliation as a weapon against the other.
'Abu Sheikh, what if the spouse refuses to change?' If you have communicated respectfully, established boundaries, and sought reasonable help, but your spouse continues to humiliate you publicly, you must consider the long-term impact on your emotional well-being, family life, and children.
Marriage requires patience, but patience does not mean accepting endless humiliation without seeking a solution. You may win public sympathy and still lose trust in your marriage. You may receive hundreds of comments supporting you and still fail to resolve the problem that caused the disagreement.
A mature spouse does not use private disagreements to destroy the public image of the person they claim to love. We should be aware of the consequences of this action. As a spouse, whenever your husband or wife requires reconciliation through dialogue or counseling sessions, please acknowledge it as a step in the right direction.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
A husband and wife may disagree in the morning, and before evening, Facebook, WhatsApp status, TikTok, or Instagram followers are already on it. Sometimes, the person does not mention their spouse's name, but the message is so obvious that friends, relatives, and colleagues know exactly who the post is about.
The problem is not just the social media post; it is the intention to embarrass, punish, provoke, or recruit outsiders against one's spouse. If private conversations have failed and the behaviour continues, consider involving a trustworthy marriage counsellor or a mature mediator acceptable to both partners.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
“And speak to people good [words].”
— Qur'an 2:83. These teachings encourage good speech, responsible conflict resolution, and fair intervention. A spouse should not use public humiliation as a weapon against the other.
'Abu Sheikh, what if the spouse refuses to change?' If you have communicated respectfully, established boundaries, and sought reasonable help, but your spouse continues to humiliate you publicly, you must consider the long-term impact on your emotional well-being, family life, and children.
Marriage requires patience, but patience does not mean accepting endless humiliation without seeking a solution. You may win public sympathy and still lose trust in your marriage. You may receive hundreds of comments supporting you and still fail to resolve the problem that caused the disagreement.
A mature spouse does not use private disagreements to destroy the public image of the person they claim to love. We should be aware of the consequences of this action. As a spouse, whenever your husband or wife requires reconciliation through dialogue or counseling sessions, please acknowledge it as a step in the right direction.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
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THE CYCLE OF FATHERHOOD:
1. Absent father - unanswered questions.
2. Unreliable father - broken trust.
3. Angry father - fearful children.
4. Humiliated son - wounded confidence.
5. Emotionally distant father - children hiding their pain.
6. Irresponsible father - children forced to grow up early.
7. Present father - children who feel seen.
8. Consistent father - children who feel secure.
9. Respectful father - sons who learn self-control.
10. Loving father - daughters who know their worth.
11. Wise father - children who learn from mistakes.
12. Healing father - a family that breaks old patterns.
1. Absent father - unanswered questions.
2. Unreliable father - broken trust.
3. Angry father - fearful children.
4. Humiliated son - wounded confidence.
5. Emotionally distant father - children hiding their pain.
6. Irresponsible father - children forced to grow up early.
7. Present father - children who feel seen.
8. Consistent father - children who feel secure.
9. Respectful father - sons who learn self-control.
10. Loving father - daughters who know their worth.
11. Wise father - children who learn from mistakes.
12. Healing father - a family that breaks old patterns.
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As a husband, when you travel and you are coming back home, let your wife know. Don't just come home unexpectedly and call it a “surprise.”
The Prophet taught us not to return to our families unexpectedly after being away for a long time. Jabir narrated that when they returned from a journey, the Prophet salalaahu Alaihi wasalam told them to wait so that their wives would have time to prepare themselves.
The Prophet said:
“When anyone of you is away from his house for a long time, he should not return to his family at night.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 5244
And in Sahih Muslim, Jabir narrated that the Prophet told them to wait so that the woman whose husband had been away could groom and prepare herself.
This shows consideration for one's wife. ❤️
So, husbands, when you're travelling and you're on your way home, let your wife know. Give her time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, put herself together and welcome you happily.
Sometimes, loving your wife means giving her the opportunity to prepare for your return.
With today, things are made easily,PHONE her.
By doing so, your wife will have time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, and make herself look nice for your return.
The Prophet taught us not to return to our families unexpectedly after being away for a long time. Jabir narrated that when they returned from a journey, the Prophet salalaahu Alaihi wasalam told them to wait so that their wives would have time to prepare themselves.
The Prophet said:
“When anyone of you is away from his house for a long time, he should not return to his family at night.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari 5244
And in Sahih Muslim, Jabir narrated that the Prophet told them to wait so that the woman whose husband had been away could groom and prepare herself.
This shows consideration for one's wife. ❤️
So, husbands, when you're travelling and you're on your way home, let your wife know. Give her time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, put herself together and welcome you happily.
Sometimes, loving your wife means giving her the opportunity to prepare for your return.
With today, things are made easily,PHONE her.
By doing so, your wife will have time to take care of herself, prepare something for you, and make herself look nice for your return.
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Untouchable men are top tier. The ones who know their worth, respect themselves, and don't need attention from every girl to feel like a man. They have goals to chase, money to make, and a future to build.
A man who stays loyal, minds his own business, and protects his peace is attractive without even trying. He's not out here entertaining everyone because he knows what he wants, and that's what makes him different.
A man who stays loyal, minds his own business, and protects his peace is attractive without even trying. He's not out here entertaining everyone because he knows what he wants, and that's what makes him different.
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