Sexual compatibility is one of the greatest lies of modern times. They’ll have you convinced it’s some sort of factual number you need to test before you commit to someone.

But when people say this what they usually mean is — can you perform in some sort of fashion that would give me the most pleasure? It’s nothing to do with love, with devotion, with meaning, and it has everything to do with the body, with our flesh.

Sexual intimacy is not something we can discover, it is only something we can build, and building intimacy is done by trust, by being exclusive and most of all by the lifelong covenant that is marriage. A good and healthy sexual relationship comes from fidelity, love and devotion, not the other way around. You cannot build a roof without first having a foundation.

And so now that pleasure has become this new standard by which we now measure love and our desire for long term commitments it is no wonder that nobody ever stays for long. Pleasure is a terrible foundation, and that is because it was made to be the overflow, not the source.

If you have daughters, get real about their protection even in adulthood. Please don't listen to all these talk about women can protect theirselves. Look around you and tell me how this woke rave is working out for marriages. Your duty as a father over your daughters is far reaching. Even if no method or amount of protection offers absolute guarantee, do your very best.

●Be a model father. Be her first standard of what an ideal husband looks like. When your nature has set the standard so low, every fake impression of masculinity starts to look like gold.

● Let's go back to the traditional process where parents are heavily invested in the spousal search and even make recommendations without forcing their choice on their daughter. Some wise parents are already scouting for the family they want their daughter to marry into while she is still young. By the way, the rich still very much do this.

● Don't give your daughters out to men from questionable families unless the man in question distinguishes himself to assuage any concern you may have. Those days when spouses have a marital problem and it is escalated to the parents, the parents have no business with their son-in-law. They will call his father and ask him to caution his son. So seek to have responsible in laws, men who are in charge of their home and raised their children with discipline and integrity.

●. Raise your daughters well, too. Be the spec of your spec. Be the kind of in-law you wish to have. Marriage is not only beautiful when you marry right; it is beautiful when you are right for your spouse and marry right, because it takes two to tango. So, raise daughters who will be just as much a blessing to their husbands as they pray for.

●. Educate them and equip them with all they need to find as much comfort as they can within your limits while teaching them the humility to never lose their femininity to all the chaos of the modern world.

●. Be invested in the marriage for as long as Allāh spares your life. I know of some fathers-in-law who will physically inspect the accommodation their prospective son-in-law has prepared for their daughter. One of the first things that emboldens men to misbehave toward their wives is having no respect or regard for their father-in-law. If he fears and respects you, he will be mindful about certain rash actions or being reported to you. So, be a part of the marriage without being intrusive. Your home should remain eternally open to your daughter. Never tell your daughter that if she goes to her husband's house, she is no longer welcome in your house, whatever she faces in her matrimonial home. She should always have a home in her father's house. Always! Never embolden a man to think his wife has nowhere else to go besides him. NEVER!

I never claimed any of these will serve as a guarantee, or that daughters that get all the support from their Dad may never be tried, but women that always have the full support and protection of their fathers or a guardian, even when tried, do not end up as miserable as others.

A father is an important figure in a daughter's life, and your services will be needed much longer than your sons will. Let's play those roles for our daughters to the best of our ability.

May Allāh bless us for them and them for us.

Abu Imrān

"I will get married when I'm financially stable." This has been many people's excuse. They have waited and waited, only to find themselves over 35 with no wife, no children, and no money.

You can spend your youth trying to calculate and control every financial risk, only to realize that life passed you by while you were waiting for perfection.

✒ Ḥaqq Of Husband

Prophet Muḥammad Ṣallallāhu-ʿAlaihi Wa Sallam said:

حق الزوج على زوجته أن لو كانت به قرحة فلحستها ما أدت حقه

“The right of husband over his wife is such that if she were to lick her husband's sore which is oozing pus; (even then) she HASN’T paid his due right.”

● [مختصر صحيح الجامع الصغير برقم ٣١٤٨ ، صححه الألباني]

"The good woman is for the good man, and the good man is for the good woman." (QS. An Nur: 26)

But what about the story of Asiyah, who was married to Pharaoh? Or the story of Prophet Lot whose wife was disobedient?

These stories teach us why a wife must remain righteous and a husband must stay righteous, even if their spouse’s character isn’t yet good.

They shouldn’t be used as a standard for judging men and women today because, no matter how bad people’s character is now, Allah will not allow it to be as bad as in the time of ignorance.

So for those still unsure because you feel you’re not yet good enough for a righteous partner,
there’s good news for you.

A good man for a good woman isn’t just about already being perfect,
but about being willing to grow together toward righteousness.

Learn to understand history with Allah’s greatness and knowledge,
not just with limited human understanding."

Why did Allah test some of the best women with loneliness?

Hajar was left alone with her son.
Maryam (peace be upon her) was also left alone.
And the mother of Musa endured immense pain when she placed her son in the river.

Sometimes Allah removes every source of support from you to teach you that your true support is Allah.

So if you find yourself alone in a battle that no one understands, perhaps it is because Allah has chosen to take care of you Himself.

Allah remains when no one else remains by your side.

Male or female, infidelity is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself and your loved ones.

Infidelity is Zina and the reason for all your blessings and goodness in your life to be taken away and withheld from you and your loved ones and the people close to you.

There is nothing that will ever justify or excuse infidelity or make it okay. And The Most High has made it very clear that it's not allowed and told us what the consequences for it are and what the punishment for it are. We can ignore it, reject it , refuse to believe it or think and believe that it's not a big deal, but the truth doesn't change or stop being the truth.

Leaving and breaking the relationship is the best choice.

Anyone who is not, cannot be, and doesn't want to be faithful to their spouse is not a good person, and they don't fear their Lord, respect Him or have any shame for Him or themselves. These are the people who can do anything to anyone and not care or feel anything wrong for doing it, and they are the reason for lot of the bad things that happen to the people around them and their loved ones and families.

Zina is a very filthy thing that negatively affects everyone who is connected to the people doing it, and it eventually destroys the people involved in varying degrees depending on their proximity to the Zina.

Today's world may take Zina as normal and nothing wrong with it, but that doesn't change what it is or how bad it is or what the consequences and affects will be.

That's why we have been warned to not only stay as far away from it as possible, to avoid it and to do everything possible to protect ourselves from it. That's why we should not do any business with a person who we know commits Zina, or have interactions with them as much as possible. We will be forgiven and protected as long as we don't know, but we have to do the right thing as soon as we find out because we will no longer be protected.

May Allah protect us from Zina and from the people who engage in it. Allahumma Aameen.

The Sahabiyyat (female companions) who had children and were married by Muslim men (including the Prophet ﷺ) who cared for their children with compassion and responsibility.

1. Umm Salamah (Hind bint Abi Umayyah, May ALLAH be pleased with her)

First Husband: Abu Salamah ʿAbdullah ibn ʿAbd al-Asad (May ALLAH be pleased with him)
They were among the first to migrate to Abyssinia and then to Madinah.

Children: She had several children, including Salamah ibn Abi Salamah.

When Abu Salamah was martyred, the Prophet ﷺ proposed to her.

She said: “I am a woman with children, and I am very jealous.”
The Prophet ﷺ replied:
“As for your children, Allah and His Messenger will take care of them.”
(Source: Musnad Ahmad, 6/302; Ibn Saʿd, al-Tabaqāt al-Kubrā 8/91)

The Prophet ﷺ treated her children as his own and raised them with affection.

2. Umm Habibah (Ramlah bint Abi Sufyan, May ALLAH be pleased with her)

First Husband: ʿUbaydullah ibn Jahsh, who converted to Christianity and died in Abyssinia.

Child: She had a daughter, Habibah bint ʿUbaydullah.

While she was alone in Abyssinia, the Prophet ﷺ sent a proposal through King Najashi (Negus).
Najashi himself conducted the Nikah on behalf of the Prophet ﷺ.
(Source: Ibn Hisham, Sirah, Vol. 2, p. 642; Ibn Saʿd, Tabaqāt 8/101)

The Prophet ﷺ later brought her and her daughter to Madinah and honored both.

3. Zaynab bint Jahsh (May ALLAH be pleased with her)

First Husband: Zayd ibn Harithah (May ALLAH be pleased with him), the freed slave and adopted son of the Prophet ﷺ.

Divorced: After their separation, Allah revealed the verse (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:37) commanding the Prophet ﷺ to marry her to show that a divorced woman has full dignity.

“So when Zayd had ended his relationship with her, We married her to you...”

Although she had no children, her case set a precedent that divorce does not diminish a woman’s worth in Islam.
(Source: Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 4787; Tafsir al-Tabari, 33:37)

4. Umm Ayman (Barakah al-Habashiyyah, May ALLAH be pleased with her)

She was the servant who raised the Prophet ﷺ after his mother’s death.

First Husband: ʿUbayd ibn Zayd She had a son Ayman.

Second Husband: Zayd ibn Harithah (May ALLAH be pleased with him).

Their son Usamah ibn Zayd (May ALLAH be pleased with him) was called “the beloved son of the beloved” (ḥibbu rasūlillāh wa ibn ḥibbihi) because the Prophet ﷺ loved him dearly.
(Source: Ibn Saʿd, Tabaqāt 8/223; Al-Isabah 4/432)

The Prophet ﷺ treated her earlier son and later son both as part of his family.

5. Safiyyah bint Huyayy (May ALLAH be pleased with her)

She was from a Jewish noble family of Banu Nadir.

First Husband: Kinana ibn al-Rabiʿ, who was killed in the Battle of Khaybar.

The Prophet ﷺ freed her from captivity and married her, giving her full honor and dignity.

She had a son from her previous marriage.
(Source: Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 4211; Ibn Ishaq, Sirah, p. 511)

The Prophet ﷺ respected her previous family ties and ensured her full integration into the Muslim community.

6. Umm ʿAtiyyah al-Ansariyyah (May ALLAH be pleased with her)

She was a widow with children.

She participated in several battles like Uhud, Khaybar, and Hunayn, nursing the wounded and helping the soldiers.
(Source: Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2882; Ibn Hajar, al-Isabah 8/154)

Though less is known about her remarriage, her example shows how widowed mothers remained active, respected members of society, and could remarry without stigma.

Umm Salamah Widow Yes Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Musnad Ahmad 6/302
Umm Habibah Widow 1 daughter Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Ibn Hisham 2/642
Zaynab bint Jahsh Divorced No Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Qur’an 33:37
Umm Ayman Widow Yes Zayd ibn Harithah (May ALLAH be pleased with her) Ibn Saʿd 8/223
Safiyyah bint Huyayy Widow Yes Prophet Muhammad ﷺ Bukhari 4211
Umm ʿAtiyyah Widow Yes (Later married) Bukhari 2882

Islam teaches compassion and responsibility marrying a widow or divorced woman, and caring for her children, is an act of mercy and great reward.
The Prophet ﷺ and his Companions set this example for all Muslims to follow.

What's the number one thing you shouldn't do in your marriage? ّمَن.

Pronounced "mann," منّ means: to do a favor and then remind of it. To do something for someone then lord it over them. To never let it go.

It starts when your spouse wants or needs something, and then you decide to help them. But you consider it a favor to them. You act like you've done them an enormous boon that they now must scramble to repay. They owe you big. They are indebted to you, and will be for a long long time, and they'd best know it. If they ever look like they might be in danger of forgetting about your huge favor, you bet you're gonna rectify that situation right quick.

Mann (ّمن) is basically a type of emotional manipulation.

It's sad to see this type of dynamic play out in real life. I've seen it happen in many relationships. When this happens, it takes over the entire marriage and destroys it. The obvious power imbalance sabotages the relationship and forces it to be based on feelings of guilt, debt, resentment--pushing out feelings of love, joy, ease.

Narcissists love this; it's one of the go-to tools in their arsenal. It's self-aggrandizing, stressing the act of help that you've done and using it as a hammer with which you repeatedly clobber the person you have "helped."

Some examples to make this concrete:

-The woman who marries a man whom she'd been hesitating about marrying, possibly thinking he might be "beneath" her, but finally just taking the plunge and agreeing to the match. Once they're married, she's his wife and he's her husband--this means she owes him certain rights, fulfills certain roles in the marriage, and must treat him with a certain level of affection and respect. But she doesn't. Why not?

Because she did him the huge honor of deigning to marry him in the first place, that's why! In marrying his sorry self, she's done her part. She's done him a big favor and now he owes her. In her mind, the rest of the marriage will play out as follows: she will be sitting pretty, perched on her throne like the queen she is, as he grovels and attempts to repay her back for her kindness in allowing this marriage to happen. He will have to work hard to show his utter gratitude and she will have to do very little.

If he complains, all she has to do is remind him with a few choice words that he's lucky she even agreed to marrying him at all! Now he dares to ask for more?? The nerve!

-The man who helps his wife's parents or siblings financially or in some other way in their time of need, then lords that favor over his wife. I've helped your parents; what more do you want? Now you want me to do this thing for you, too, on top of everything?? The audacity! After I just gave that money to your family, too.

-The wife who has a baby in a difficult labor, or maybe she gives birth to twins or triplets. In her mind, this labor and delivery is IT. She's good. She's done her part. Her husband better step up now and take it from here, or else God help him, he's gonna hear about how difficult her ordeal was all over again, since it seems he has forgotten!

What's that, now? He wants her to teach the kids better manners or take the kids from their usual spot in front of the TV to the park? Ugh! The ingrate! After everything I've endured in having these kids and all the hardship I've suffered! This man is insufferable!

-The woman who marries a widower with kids whom she helps raise--but in a way that leaves much to be desired. What else do you want from her? She married the man and was kind enough to be willing to take on the burden of his kids from a previous marriage, didn't she? Now those kids AND their father owe her! She is entitled to a lot in return for her sacrifice. They better act like it. She didn't have to do this! But she did, and she had better be treated like the martyr she is. The favor must be paid back in full.

And on it goes.

These are all different kinds of life situations, but the common denominator here is this: a spouse does something initially that starts the transaction, and then coasts thereafter, awaiting their payment, anticipating their reward from the recipient of their favor. Not from Allah. But from a person.

This creates misery. For both parties.

The first mistake is the attitude of seeing something that is your role as a boon you're bestowing on another. It is a woman's role to bear children--not a favor to her husband. Just as it is the husband's role to provide nafaqa (نفقة) for his wife. It is a wife's role to obey and respect her husband. Doing your job isn't doing your spouse a favor.

Even if you go above and beyond your mere job description to do something extra, like charity, who did you do that for?

The second problem is where one seeks the reward. When a person engages in من, they are searching for reward from the wrong source. This reveals misaligned priorities. A hyper-focus on the lower life and the things and people in it, and a heedlessness of the Akhirah and Allah.

In the Quran, Allah the Majestic describes to us the best kind of صدقة (charity) that we can give, and what we should hope for and what we shouldn't. He breaks this down towards the end of Surat al-Baqara:

الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ أَمْوَالَهُمْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ثُمَّ لَا يُتْبِعُونَ مَا أَنفَقُوا مَنًّا وَلَا أَذًى ۙ لَّهُمْ أَجْرُهُمْ عِندَ رَبِّهِمْ وَلَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ(262) ۞ قَوْلٌ مَّعْرُوفٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن صَدَقَةٍ يَتْبَعُهَا أَذًى ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَنِيٌّ حَلِيمٌ (263) يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تُبْطِلُوا صَدَقَاتِكُم بِالْمَنِّ وَالْأَذَىٰ كَالَّذِي يُنفِقُ مَالَهُ رِئَاءَ النَّاسِ وَلَا يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ ۖ

Those who spend their wealth for the sake of Allah and then do not follow up what they've spent with reminders or hurt--for them is their reward with their Lord, and no fear shall be on them, nor shall they grieve.

A kindly word and forgiveness is better than charity that's followed by hurt. And Allah is Free of Need, Patiently Forbearing.

O you who have believed! Don't nullify your charity with reminders and hurt, like the one who spends his money out of ostentatious showing off for people and doesn't believe in Allah or the Last Day. The example of his spending is that of a rock with a thin coating of earth upon it: when a heavy rain smites it, the earth is washed away, leaving the rock bare; such people derive no gain from their acts of charity. Allah does not set the deniers of the Truth on the Right Way. (Al-Baqara 262-264)

Allah likes people who are generous and big-hearted, who give freely and benignly, anticipating reward purely from Him. We can't be petty or tight-fisted people, because He Himself is Generous, Clement and Forbearing.

Allah Himself bestows on people both necessities of life and unnecessary luxuries unstintingly, and forgives and pardons them over and over again in spite of their flaws. He doesn't like those who crush the dignity or self-respect of a person with repeating reminders of their charity and pointed references to it, even though they CHOSE to give it.

To give charity in order to help another person out is YOUR choice. Sure, you are doing it to help them, but if there is sincerity in your heart, your aim should be reward from your generous Lord, not from your hapless recipient.

So the root of the problem is a lack of sincerity of intention.

Consider this example in Surat Al-Hujurat:

يَمُنُّونَ عَلَيْكَ أَنْ أَسْلَمُوا ۖ قُل لَّا تَمُنُّوا عَلَيَّ إِسْلَامَكُم ۖ بَلِ اللَّهُ يَمُنُّ عَلَيْكُمْ أَنْ هَدَاكُمْ لِلْإِيمَانِ إِن كُنتُمْ صَادِقِينَ

"They consider it a favor to you that they accepted Islam. Say: "Don't consider it a favor to me that you've accepted Islam. Rather, Allah has done you a favor by guiding you to iman (belief), if in fact you are truthful."" (Al-Hujurat 17)

An Arab tribe converted to Islam and then considered that to be a personal favor to the prophet Muhammad -s-. Instead of being thankful to the prophet Muhammad -s- for calling them to the deen and to Allah for allowing them to be guided, they expected the prophet Muhammad -s-, master of all mankind, to be grateful to them for deigning to become Muslim! What unbelievable arrogance.

It is a question of truthfulness and sincerity. Be honest with yourself. Why are you doing this? Do you want to have a bargaining chip that you can use forever to gain things from your spouse? Do you like the feeling of having the upper hand in the marriage and being owed? From whom do you await your compensation?

A Message to the Parents 🌹

If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him and do not make the permissible difficult for your daughters and sons.

Fear Allah concerning them, for the young men and women are beset by trials from every side, so do not be a cause of delaying the permissible due to extravagance and impossible conditions.

Make it easy and do not make it difficult, and open for them the doors of the permissible.

Praying for a husband who makes life easier to face, protects your peace, and brings you closer to Allah. May Allah bless you with a marriage filled with Sakinah, Mawaddah wa Rahmah just as He mentions in Surah Ar-Rum 30:21.

Ameen, Ya Rabb. 🤍🧕🏻

#marriage #prayer #allah #trust #ds

*GOALS and OBJECTIVES of PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLINGS*

_Marriage is beautiful — but it is also a serious business between You and Allaah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Before you say *“YES, I DO,”* it is vital to ask, *“Do I really know what I’m saying YES to?”* Pre-Marital Counselling {Monogamy or Polygyny} about Relationships or Marriage is a mirror and a map to it._

_A mirror that helps you see yourself clearly before stepping into the lifelong commitment called Marriage, and a map that guides you through essential reflections and conversations that build a lasting union. In a world where many rush into Marriage for the wrong reasons — *Pressure, Loneliness, Excitement, or Fear of missing out — this COUNSELLING invites you to pause, reflect, and prepare with intention. Through engaging questions, practical insights, and real-life wisdom, you’ll learn to: Understand your true motivation for Marriage. You will learn to know if it's Love or Obsession you are running after. You will know if you are running after Unexpected and Unfulfilled expectations or you are facing the reality of Relationship or Marriage._

_Evaluate compatibility beyond feelings and attraction. Discuss crucial topics like Money, Faith, Purpose, Roles, Family, Boundaries and How to save your Marriage even before it's starts. Identify red flags before they turn into regrets. Build Emotional Intelligence, Communication Strength, and shared vision with your partner. Whether you’re Single (aspiring to go into Polygyny), or Coupleship, or Engaged, this Pre-Marital Counselling [Monogamy or Polygyny] will help you navigate the road to Marriage, with Clarity, Confidence, and Purpose — not just excitement. It is a heart-to-heart guide that shows you how to lay the right foundation for a marriage that thrives beyond the Nikah day. Because Marriage is not just about the ceremonial day or Bedmatic — it’s about being Nikahlise in Wisdom, Purpose, and Understanding. So, before you say *“Yes, I do,”* let’s help you say, *'Now I’m ready'.*_

*#Pre-Marital*
*#Pre& Polygyny*
*#Relationship Skills*

*BHMC 2 COUNSELLING*

SHAYKH AL-FAWZAN حفظه الله

A man who comes to an empty home and doesn't have a wife lives a difficult life, even if the home is full of money and enjoyments.

[al-Ittihaf, (Page: 857)]

This hadith (Tirmidhi 2061) affirms that the evil eye (al-'ayn) is a genuine spiritual reality. To protect believers from harm, envy, and negative spiritual influences,

the Prophet ﷺ strongly encouraged regular recitation of Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Naas (the Mu'awwidhatayn), which serve as spiritual shields against all forms of harm.

Lesson: The evil eye is real; protect yourself daily through the regular recitation of the protective chapters of the Quran.

🤲🏻Ya Allah, protect us from the evil eye, envy, and all forms of visible and hidden harm through Your noble words.
.
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BE THE LIGHT SOMEONE NEED
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​#blossommee #islamicreminder #reminder #hadist #viralpost

Dear sister,
Why should he marry you if he’s already getting all the marital benefits “for free”?

No, really, why should he marry you?

Dear sisters in Islaam, be too chaste to be cheapened, guard your chastity. If you're old enough to commit zina, then you're mature enough to get married.

Brothers and sisters should fear Allâh to Whom they shall return. Zina is one of the major sins after shirk (associating partners with Allâh). The punishment of Allâh is severe and unbearable.

Social media has poisoned an entire generation. Men are lusting after women they will never have, while women are obsessing over lifestyles they will never afford.

Men are losing attraction to their own wives because they are addicted to looking at other women, while women are losing respect for their husbands because they are constantly comparing their lives to someone else’s luxury.

Ordinary marriages now feel like failures, faithful spouses feel inadequate, and peaceful homes feel like prisons. We have created a generation that confuses lust with love, luxury with happiness, and attention with self-worth. The most disturbing part? People are destroying the beautiful realities they already have because they have become addicted to the artificial lives of complete strangers. Social media isn't just stealing your time anymore. It's teaching you to hate your own life.

The Messenger of Allāh صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ said:

“No woman should look or touch the body of another woman. Nor should she describe another woman to her husband.”

Saheeh al-Bukhāri 5240 | Saheeh

Saheeh al-Jāmi' 7197 | Shaykh al-Albāni رحمه الله | Hasan

Authentic Quotes

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:

لا تُبَاشِرُ الْمَرْأَةُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَتَنْعَتَهَا لِزَوْجِهَا كَأَنَّهُ يَنْظُرُ إِلَيْهَا

صحيح البخاري ٥٢٤٠ | صحيح

صحيح الجامع ٧١٩٧ | الشيخ الألباني رحمه الله | حسن

How you frustrate your husband
- Nag him constantly
- Argue all the time
- Demand without reason
- Do whatever you like
- Refuse intimacy
- Don't listen
- Lack understanding
- Be selfish
- Lack team mindset
- Always play the victim
- Badmouth him
- Fight everyone around him
Keep at it, you'll soon be there. Hopefully when you get there, you won't complain.
A husband is deserving of good treatment too but hey, you are already thinking about how to twist even this narrative or get defensive.
Rest madam.

Open your mind and learn.