Al-Rūyānī:
"An old man is not a suitable match for a young woman, and an ignorant man is not a suitable match for a woman of knowledge."
[l'anat al-Țalibin - Vol. 3, p. 381]
"An old man is not a suitable match for a young woman, and an ignorant man is not a suitable match for a woman of knowledge."
[l'anat al-Țalibin - Vol. 3, p. 381]
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Muslim lady: "My eyebrows are too thick, may I pluck them?"
Well, a driving force behind this request or thought goes back to the trends and fashions of the day. Are thin eyebrows more attractive than thick ones, or do ladies feel that it is the other way around?
Reality is that the fashion before was that women plucked the heck out of their eyebrows to the point that they would just draw them on their foreheads.
Then came the fashion of having thick eyebrows, and some ladies who plucked before are trying to find ways to thicken their eyebrows again.
Moral of the story?
Sister, both thin and thick eyebrows are attractive, be content with how Allāh created you and heed the warnings of the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ in this regard.
Remember, the fashion trends changing shows you that it is a matter of taste. Every lady is unique in terms of her face, skin colour, jaw structure, and so on, and Allāh has created us in the best form.
Still not sure? Let me give it to you another way.
We men regard women like fruits, every fruit is of a different shape, colour, smell, taste, and texture, but does that mean that each one of us only likes one fruit? Of course not, let it be a fruit salad.
Well, a driving force behind this request or thought goes back to the trends and fashions of the day. Are thin eyebrows more attractive than thick ones, or do ladies feel that it is the other way around?
Reality is that the fashion before was that women plucked the heck out of their eyebrows to the point that they would just draw them on their foreheads.
Then came the fashion of having thick eyebrows, and some ladies who plucked before are trying to find ways to thicken their eyebrows again.
Moral of the story?
Sister, both thin and thick eyebrows are attractive, be content with how Allāh created you and heed the warnings of the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ in this regard.
Remember, the fashion trends changing shows you that it is a matter of taste. Every lady is unique in terms of her face, skin colour, jaw structure, and so on, and Allāh has created us in the best form.
Still not sure? Let me give it to you another way.
We men regard women like fruits, every fruit is of a different shape, colour, smell, taste, and texture, but does that mean that each one of us only likes one fruit? Of course not, let it be a fruit salad.
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Marriage, Divorce, and Social Media
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she told me that there is an ever-growing phenomenon in the American city in which she lives: Muslim couples getting divorced left and right.
"Why are all these people getting divorced? Is there a common root cause?" I asked her.
Her reply was succinct: "Social media."
Several months ago, I met up with another sister who said something very similar to me, describing the current situation in her town, in a different American state.
In my own experience, I've also come across cases of this very thing happening.
What is going on?
Social media is a tool, like a knife or a car or any kind of device. We can use it to bring about good, or we can use it to bring about our own destruction.
But the danger that is specific to social media, whether Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever newer thing exists nowadays, is that it carries certain distinct risks that can erode our faith, our iman, along with our marriage.
What are some of these problems with social media?
1. Distraction:
Let's face it. Facebook is addictive. So is Instagram. So is Twitter, if you don't mind the levels of insanity some folks on there regularly sink to. On all of these platforms, you just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Stuff keeps coming up! Endless entertainment. Perpetual amusement. You jump from one person's profile to another's, and go through all their pictures, and click on a name they tagged to see *that* person's page. The fun pretty much trots itself out before you; all you have to do is keep moving your index finger on the screen.
Next to this endless stream of gossip and intrigue, the conversation your spouse can offer you pales in comparison. And that's IF your spouse is even trying to engage you in conversation. Your husband is most likely on his own phone, intently following a fight on Twitter. Your wife is scrolling through pictures of other people's lives on Insta, wrapped up in their world. This couple might even be chilling on the couch together, after dinner and after the kids are in bed--looking at their phones instead of at each other. They're talking to other people online instead of to each other in real life. Where's the connection there? Where's the spark?
The marriage weakens while neither party is paying attention. The husband and wife are both otherwise occupied. It starts slow but it builds up over time. Communication, eye contact, and frequent conversations give way to silence, the glow of screens, and eyes glued to devices. If this trend of distraction keep going unchecked, a noticeable distance is created between husband and wife. All of a sudden, she says that she feels like they "don't really have much in common anymore." He says that they've "kind of drifted apart."
2. Gender barrier erosion:
Social media tends to dissolve the barrier between the genders, since we are all sitting behind the cover of a screen and not physically in the presence of others. The same types of strict observations of hayaa حياء (modesty), for people who try to observe them, seem to be easier to let go of when the interaction is entirely electronic.
Whereas in person, many Muslims would refrain from staring directly into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex, online some would feel no qualms staring at a picture of a member of the opposite sex. Whereas in person, many Muslims would feel reluctant to have a long drawn-out conversation about personal stuff with a non-mahram, online it becomes somehow easier to open up to a non-mahram about deeply private situations. The usually-rigid barrier of modesty that exists in person becomes relaxed online.
When that happens, a relationship starts to unravel fast. All of a sudden, a man starts to unburden himself to another woman: he shares his trouble at work, his frustrations in life, even his problems with his wife at home, and this other sister he's messaging is a sympathetic listener.
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she told me that there is an ever-growing phenomenon in the American city in which she lives: Muslim couples getting divorced left and right.
"Why are all these people getting divorced? Is there a common root cause?" I asked her.
Her reply was succinct: "Social media."
Several months ago, I met up with another sister who said something very similar to me, describing the current situation in her town, in a different American state.
In my own experience, I've also come across cases of this very thing happening.
What is going on?
Social media is a tool, like a knife or a car or any kind of device. We can use it to bring about good, or we can use it to bring about our own destruction.
But the danger that is specific to social media, whether Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat or whatever newer thing exists nowadays, is that it carries certain distinct risks that can erode our faith, our iman, along with our marriage.
What are some of these problems with social media?
1. Distraction:
Let's face it. Facebook is addictive. So is Instagram. So is Twitter, if you don't mind the levels of insanity some folks on there regularly sink to. On all of these platforms, you just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Stuff keeps coming up! Endless entertainment. Perpetual amusement. You jump from one person's profile to another's, and go through all their pictures, and click on a name they tagged to see *that* person's page. The fun pretty much trots itself out before you; all you have to do is keep moving your index finger on the screen.
Next to this endless stream of gossip and intrigue, the conversation your spouse can offer you pales in comparison. And that's IF your spouse is even trying to engage you in conversation. Your husband is most likely on his own phone, intently following a fight on Twitter. Your wife is scrolling through pictures of other people's lives on Insta, wrapped up in their world. This couple might even be chilling on the couch together, after dinner and after the kids are in bed--looking at their phones instead of at each other. They're talking to other people online instead of to each other in real life. Where's the connection there? Where's the spark?
The marriage weakens while neither party is paying attention. The husband and wife are both otherwise occupied. It starts slow but it builds up over time. Communication, eye contact, and frequent conversations give way to silence, the glow of screens, and eyes glued to devices. If this trend of distraction keep going unchecked, a noticeable distance is created between husband and wife. All of a sudden, she says that she feels like they "don't really have much in common anymore." He says that they've "kind of drifted apart."
2. Gender barrier erosion:
Social media tends to dissolve the barrier between the genders, since we are all sitting behind the cover of a screen and not physically in the presence of others. The same types of strict observations of hayaa حياء (modesty), for people who try to observe them, seem to be easier to let go of when the interaction is entirely electronic.
Whereas in person, many Muslims would refrain from staring directly into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex, online some would feel no qualms staring at a picture of a member of the opposite sex. Whereas in person, many Muslims would feel reluctant to have a long drawn-out conversation about personal stuff with a non-mahram, online it becomes somehow easier to open up to a non-mahram about deeply private situations. The usually-rigid barrier of modesty that exists in person becomes relaxed online.
When that happens, a relationship starts to unravel fast. All of a sudden, a man starts to unburden himself to another woman: he shares his trouble at work, his frustrations in life, even his problems with his wife at home, and this other sister he's messaging is a sympathetic listener.
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He finds solace and emotional intimacy elsewhere, with a woman who's not his wife.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
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For a MARRIAGE to really work, you gotta understand this: You and your partner are TWO different people, with two different pasts, trying to build ONE future.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
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Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
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There are no experts in marriage.
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
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Forwarded from Jannah is Our Dream
Hijab is not wrong, but some people have forgotten the true purpose of wearing it.
Keeping a beard is not wrong, but some men keep beards while forgetting the Sunnah of good character.
Prayer is not wrong, but some people pray without allowing their prayers to improve their behaviour.
Seeking Islamic knowledge is not wrong, but some people gain knowledge and become arrogant instead of humble.
Islam is not wrong, but some people judge others instead of focusing on correcting themselves.
REMEMBER: Islam teaches us to follow the Sunnah, maintain good character, and sincerely correct our own shortcomings before judging others.
Keeping a beard is not wrong, but some men keep beards while forgetting the Sunnah of good character.
Prayer is not wrong, but some people pray without allowing their prayers to improve their behaviour.
Seeking Islamic knowledge is not wrong, but some people gain knowledge and become arrogant instead of humble.
Islam is not wrong, but some people judge others instead of focusing on correcting themselves.
REMEMBER: Islam teaches us to follow the Sunnah, maintain good character, and sincerely correct our own shortcomings before judging others.
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The Prophet ﷺ said:“Allah is Pure and accepts only that which is pure.
(Sahih Muslim 1015 / An-Nawawi’s 40 Hadith #10)
(Sahih Muslim 1015 / An-Nawawi’s 40 Hadith #10)
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Who you marry matters so much more than when you marry.
I used to stress about the “when.”
When will it happen?
When will I meet the right one?
When will I finally be ready?
But peace came when I realized this....
It’s not about timelines.
It’s about alignment.
And that applies to everything... values, purpose, and even goals.
Because when you marry the right person,
you won’t have to chase perfect timing.
You’ll both learn to grow together... not just emotionally,
but spiritually, mentally, and yes, financially too.
The right person will support you, help you build,
and truly consider you in every decision.
You’ll feel seen, not compared.
Safe, not rushed.
Loved, not pressured.
Every season feels right..... even the hard ones.
It’s not the date on your wedding invitation that defines your happiness…
It’s the person waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
So if you’re single right now, breathe.
The “who” will always matter more than the “when.”
Because the right person won’t just fit into your life...
they’ll help you build a life... one that’s emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and financially wise.
Love isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm... and when it’s the right one,
everything... even your dreams, goals, and finances...
will move in sync with God’s perfect timing.
#fblifestyle
I used to stress about the “when.”
When will it happen?
When will I meet the right one?
When will I finally be ready?
But peace came when I realized this....
It’s not about timelines.
It’s about alignment.
And that applies to everything... values, purpose, and even goals.
Because when you marry the right person,
you won’t have to chase perfect timing.
You’ll both learn to grow together... not just emotionally,
but spiritually, mentally, and yes, financially too.
The right person will support you, help you build,
and truly consider you in every decision.
You’ll feel seen, not compared.
Safe, not rushed.
Loved, not pressured.
Every season feels right..... even the hard ones.
It’s not the date on your wedding invitation that defines your happiness…
It’s the person waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
So if you’re single right now, breathe.
The “who” will always matter more than the “when.”
Because the right person won’t just fit into your life...
they’ll help you build a life... one that’s emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and financially wise.
Love isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm... and when it’s the right one,
everything... even your dreams, goals, and finances...
will move in sync with God’s perfect timing.
#fblifestyle
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⛔️I will not leave behind a trial more harmful to men than (the temptations of) women.
⛔️And do not approach adultery, fornication. Certainly, it has always been immoral and an evil way.
⛔️Tell the believing men to lower their gazes and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Allah is certainly aware of everything they do.
⛔️They (believing women) should not strike their feet in such a manner that the adornment they hide may be known.
⛔️A woman, if she wears perfume and then passes by a gathering (of men), she is this and that (meaning: a type of adulterer, fornicator).
⛔️Do not be soft in speech (to men) for fear that he in whose heart is a disease should desire (you), but speak in an honorable manner.
http://www.authentic-translations.com/trans-pub/at_misau_20.pdf
⛔️And do not approach adultery, fornication. Certainly, it has always been immoral and an evil way.
⛔️Tell the believing men to lower their gazes and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Allah is certainly aware of everything they do.
⛔️They (believing women) should not strike their feet in such a manner that the adornment they hide may be known.
⛔️A woman, if she wears perfume and then passes by a gathering (of men), she is this and that (meaning: a type of adulterer, fornicator).
⛔️Do not be soft in speech (to men) for fear that he in whose heart is a disease should desire (you), but speak in an honorable manner.
http://www.authentic-translations.com/trans-pub/at_misau_20.pdf
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A wife can be sitting in a beautiful house, eating good food, wearing expensive clothes, and still feel that something is missing in her marriage.
And a husband can be paying every bill, providing for his children, and wondering why his wife keeps saying she feels alone.
This is where some couples misunderstand each other. He thinks his sacrifices should settle every complaint. She thinks her loneliness should be obvious without having to explain it.
Meanwhile, both believe they're doing everything they can.
Sometimes the problem isn't that one person does nothing. It's that they're working hard to meet different needs and neither understands what the other is actually asking for.
And a husband can be paying every bill, providing for his children, and wondering why his wife keeps saying she feels alone.
This is where some couples misunderstand each other. He thinks his sacrifices should settle every complaint. She thinks her loneliness should be obvious without having to explain it.
Meanwhile, both believe they're doing everything they can.
Sometimes the problem isn't that one person does nothing. It's that they're working hard to meet different needs and neither understands what the other is actually asking for.
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Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم Said : "The worst food is that of a walimah to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited."
(Bukhari)
(Bukhari)
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🤍 NEVER DESTROY A MARRIAGE
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned against turning a wife against her husband or a servant against their master.
📖 Sunan Abi Dawud 2175
💭 Never plant hatred, spread mistrust, or interfere in relationships unjustly. Be a source of peace, sincere advice, and reconciliation—not division. If someone faces harm or abuse, guide them toward safety and trustworthy help. 🤲
Save ● Share ● Follow
#IslamicReminder #Hadith #MarriageInIslam #Sunnah #GoodCharacter
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned against turning a wife against her husband or a servant against their master.
📖 Sunan Abi Dawud 2175
💭 Never plant hatred, spread mistrust, or interfere in relationships unjustly. Be a source of peace, sincere advice, and reconciliation—not division. If someone faces harm or abuse, guide them toward safety and trustworthy help. 🤲
Save ● Share ● Follow
#IslamicReminder #Hadith #MarriageInIslam #Sunnah #GoodCharacter
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