@EleosTheofilusG
Video
13 Punny New Year's Jokes To Start off 2021 With the Best Laugh.
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1. Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
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It's too far to walk.
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2. New Year?
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I just got used to this last one!
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3. "I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year."
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— A dad on New Year's Eve.
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4. If 2020 was a person
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I'd sue him for pain and suffering.
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5. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
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Social Security
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6. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
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To start off the new year in a cool way.
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7. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
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The ice falls out of your drinks!
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8. Knock knock. Who's there? Abby.
Abby who?
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Abby New Year!
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9. My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full ...
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... with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
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10. What's the best New Year's resolution?
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1080p.
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11. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
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He got 12 months!
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12. Where can you find comedians on New Year's Eve?
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Waiting for the punchline.
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13. Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve ...
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... by making many pour decisions!
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Source:
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/g30082216/best-new-years-jokes/
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13 Punny New Year's Jokes to try.
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#Punny
#NewYear
#Jokes
#2021
#Laugh
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1. Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
.
It's too far to walk.
.
2. New Year?
.
I just got used to this last one!
.
3. "I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year."
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— A dad on New Year's Eve.
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4. If 2020 was a person
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I'd sue him for pain and suffering.
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5. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
.
Social Security
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6. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
.
To start off the new year in a cool way.
.
7. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
.
The ice falls out of your drinks!
.
8. Knock knock. Who's there? Abby.
Abby who?
.
Abby New Year!
.
9. My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full ...
.
... with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
.
10. What's the best New Year's resolution?
.
1080p.
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11. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
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He got 12 months!
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12. Where can you find comedians on New Year's Eve?
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Waiting for the punchline.
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13. Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve ...
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... by making many pour decisions!
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Source:
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/g30082216/best-new-years-jokes/
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13 Punny New Year's Jokes to try.
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#Punny
#NewYear
#Jokes
#2021
#Laugh
Good Housekeeping
70 Best New Year's Jokes for Adults and Kids
What does a ghost say on January 1st? Happy Boo Year!
@EleosTheofilusG
Photo
9 Animal Jokes, Submit Your Joke.
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1. Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
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A: Their bats flew away.
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2. Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
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A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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3. Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
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A: Because he was always spotted.
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4. Q: How do you count cows?
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A: With a cowculator.
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5. Why are frogs always so happy?
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They eat what ever bugs them
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6. Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
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A: A pork chop.
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7. Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
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A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
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8. You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Get your body off the merry-go-round!
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9. Q: Why do the French eat snails?
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A: They don't like fast food.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/animal-jokes
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9 Animal Jokes. Try!
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#Animal
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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1. Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
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A: Their bats flew away.
.
2. Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
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A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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3. Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
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A: Because he was always spotted.
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4. Q: How do you count cows?
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A: With a cowculator.
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5. Why are frogs always so happy?
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They eat what ever bugs them
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6. Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
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A: A pork chop.
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7. Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
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A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
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8. You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Get your body off the merry-go-round!
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9. Q: Why do the French eat snails?
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A: They don't like fast food.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/animal-jokes
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9 Animal Jokes. Try!
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#Animal
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Animal Jokes
Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day, and buy tickets to live shows at our comedy clubs.
@EleosTheofilusG
Photo
3 Blonde Jokes, Submit Your Joke.
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1. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
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The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
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2. There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
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The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
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3. There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off."
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The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/blonde-jokes
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3 Blonde Jokes, try it!
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#Blonde
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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1. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
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The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
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2. There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
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The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
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3. There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off."
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The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/blonde-jokes
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3 Blonde Jokes, try it!
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#Blonde
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Blonde Jokes
Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day, and buy tickets to live shows at our comedy clubs.
@EleosTheofilusG
Photo
8 Animal Jokes, Submit Your Joke.
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1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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2. A horse goes into an Irish Pub and the bartender says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
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3. Bob asked, "What do you think who has the best eyesight?" Jim replied, "Birds have the best eyesight." Bob asked, "Why?"
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Jim replied, "Because birds don't need to wear glasses."
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4. A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
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The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
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5. Why, when the birds fly in the shape of a V, one line is shorter than the other?
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Because one line has more birds in it, duh.
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6. A man knocks on a lady's door and said
'i'm terribly sorry miss but i ran over your cat,. because i'm responsible of its death i would like to replace your cat '
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The lady said ' thank You so how are you at you at catching mice then?'
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7. Why did the mother cat move her kittens?
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She didn’t want to litter.
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8. Q: How many tickles does it take to get a Octopus to laugh?
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A: Ten Tickles.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/animal-jokes/24
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8 Animal Jokes, try it!
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#Animal
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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2. A horse goes into an Irish Pub and the bartender says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
.
3. Bob asked, "What do you think who has the best eyesight?" Jim replied, "Birds have the best eyesight." Bob asked, "Why?"
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Jim replied, "Because birds don't need to wear glasses."
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4. A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
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The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
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5. Why, when the birds fly in the shape of a V, one line is shorter than the other?
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Because one line has more birds in it, duh.
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6. A man knocks on a lady's door and said
'i'm terribly sorry miss but i ran over your cat,. because i'm responsible of its death i would like to replace your cat '
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The lady said ' thank You so how are you at you at catching mice then?'
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7. Why did the mother cat move her kittens?
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She didn’t want to litter.
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8. Q: How many tickles does it take to get a Octopus to laugh?
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A: Ten Tickles.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/animal-jokes/24
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8 Animal Jokes, try it!
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#Animal
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Really Funny Animal Jokes | Laugh Factory
Funny Animal Jokes - Read through the best funny animal jokes submitted laugh factory club members
@EleosTheofilusG
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11 Wordplay Jokes, Submit Your Joke.
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1. A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy.
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A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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2. Q: Why was six scared of seven?
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A: Because seven "ate" nine.
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3. Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
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A: Envelope.
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4. Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
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That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
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5. Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
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A: Because it was soda pressing.
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6. Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
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A: Juan on Juan.
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7. Q: Can February march?
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A: No, but April may.
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8. Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
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A: They planet.
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9. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
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But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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10. Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
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A: A gummy bear.
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11. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/word-play-jokes
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11 Wordplay Jokes, try it!
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#WordPlay
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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1. A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy.
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A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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2. Q: Why was six scared of seven?
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A: Because seven "ate" nine.
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3. Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
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A: Envelope.
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4. Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
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That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
.
5. Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
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A: Because it was soda pressing.
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6. Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
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A: Juan on Juan.
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7. Q: Can February march?
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A: No, but April may.
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8. Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
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A: They planet.
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9. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
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But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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10. Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
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A: A gummy bear.
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11. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/word-play-jokes
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11 Wordplay Jokes, try it!
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#WordPlay
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Wordplay Jokes – One liner Jokes – Short Jokes | Laugh Factory
The best of word play jokes, one liner jokes, short jokes, and puns
@EleosTheofilusG
Photo
6 Technology Jokes, Submit Your Joke.
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1. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
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The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
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2 Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
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A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
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3. Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
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A: Microchips!
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4. Q: What computer sings the best?
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A: A Dell.
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5. Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
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A: 1forrest1
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6. I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me,
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"Your password is incorrect."
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/word-play-jokes
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6 Technology Jokes, try it!
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#Technology
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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1. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
.
The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
.
2 Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
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A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
.
3. Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
.
A: Microchips!
.
4. Q: What computer sings the best?
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A: A Dell.
.
5. Q: What's Forrest Gump’s password?
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A: 1forrest1
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6. I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me,
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"Your password is incorrect."
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/word-play-jokes
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6 Technology Jokes, try it!
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#Technology
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Wordplay Jokes – One liner Jokes – Short Jokes | Laugh Factory
The best of word play jokes, one liner jokes, short jokes, and puns
@EleosTheofilusG
Photo
Technology Joke, Submit Now in Comment
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Dear Tech Support,
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Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance.
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In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
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What can I do?
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Signed, Desperate
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Dear Desperate,
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First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
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Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
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Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0
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Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
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These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
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In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.
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Good Luck, Tech Support
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Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/technology-jokes
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#Technology
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
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Dear Tech Support,
.
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance.
.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
.
What can I do?
.
Signed, Desperate
.
Dear Desperate,
.
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
.
Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0
.
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.
.
Good Luck, Tech Support
.
.
.
Source:
http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/technology-jokes
.
.
.
#Technology
#Submit
#Jokes
#Laugh
#Factory
Laughfactory
Technology Jokes
Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day, and buy tickets to live shows at our comedy clubs.
"Unveiling Self-Reflection: A Crucial Step Towards Healing"
Hey there, folks! Let's talk about problems. Ignoring them? That's like inviting chaos to the party! First up, credibility. Dodging problems? Well, credibility isn't a fan of dodgeball; it's more like poker, and bluffing never pays off.
Now, emotions. Ignoring problems is like riding a rollercoaster of anxiety and frustration. The longer you stay, the higher the emotional toll. So why not hop off early and enjoy the view from solid ground?
Lastly, logic. Ever heard the saying, "Why put off till tomorrow what you can fix today?" Logic's got jokes, folks, and they're all about fixing things before they blow up in our faces.
In conclusion, life's a sitcom, and we're the stars. So, as you navigate self-reflection, remember to laugh, problem-solve, and embrace the chaos. Until next time, keep shining that spotlight on the hilarious adventure we call existence!
And scene!
1. #IgnoredProblems = #FutureLimits.
2. #UnresolvedIssues = #CredibilityCrisis.
3. #EmotionalToll of #Avoidance = HeavyBurden.
4. #DodgingResponsibility = #CredibilityGamble.
5. #RollercoasterOfEmotions = #UnresolvedChaos.
6. #Procrastination = #Logic'sPunchline.
7. Fix now or face #ChaosLater.
8. #LaughThroughLife'sSitcom.
9. #ProblemSolving = #CredibilityBoost.
10. #EmotionalWellBeing = #ProblemSolvingReward.
11. #Logic: fix it today, laugh tomorrow.
12. #UnresolvedProblems = #RollercoasterRide.
13. #SelfReflection = #HealingSpotlight.
14. #ComedyOfErrors = #UnresolvedChaos.
15. #Laugh, #Solve, #Repeat: #Life'sMantra.
Hey there, folks! Let's talk about problems. Ignoring them? That's like inviting chaos to the party! First up, credibility. Dodging problems? Well, credibility isn't a fan of dodgeball; it's more like poker, and bluffing never pays off.
Now, emotions. Ignoring problems is like riding a rollercoaster of anxiety and frustration. The longer you stay, the higher the emotional toll. So why not hop off early and enjoy the view from solid ground?
Lastly, logic. Ever heard the saying, "Why put off till tomorrow what you can fix today?" Logic's got jokes, folks, and they're all about fixing things before they blow up in our faces.
In conclusion, life's a sitcom, and we're the stars. So, as you navigate self-reflection, remember to laugh, problem-solve, and embrace the chaos. Until next time, keep shining that spotlight on the hilarious adventure we call existence!
And scene!
1. #IgnoredProblems = #FutureLimits.
2. #UnresolvedIssues = #CredibilityCrisis.
3. #EmotionalToll of #Avoidance = HeavyBurden.
4. #DodgingResponsibility = #CredibilityGamble.
5. #RollercoasterOfEmotions = #UnresolvedChaos.
6. #Procrastination = #Logic'sPunchline.
7. Fix now or face #ChaosLater.
8. #LaughThroughLife'sSitcom.
9. #ProblemSolving = #CredibilityBoost.
10. #EmotionalWellBeing = #ProblemSolvingReward.
11. #Logic: fix it today, laugh tomorrow.
12. #UnresolvedProblems = #RollercoasterRide.
13. #SelfReflection = #HealingSpotlight.
14. #ComedyOfErrors = #UnresolvedChaos.
15. #Laugh, #Solve, #Repeat: #Life'sMantra.