Wahenga walidai ujinga hainanga dawa, sema kupatwa kwa akina dem....

After kuchomoka chini ya bed niliapa sitawai enda kwa kina dem tena, but shida ni mjulubeng haijawai agree na akili...

Nilifika home nikachapia yengs nimefika poa, akashinda zile za "Bebs am sorry, I'll make it up to you"...


Hiyo siku ilifika one week later vile alidai amepewa key ya keja ya bro yake, so halali ile hao yao.. nikaona opportunity ya rematch apo.

Boys nikavako mzae home ati naenda educational trip ya one week nikajitoa kitu saa tatu apo. Saa nne nilikuwa kwa akina yengs..

This round nilikuwa nimekula mkombero na njugu kwa mat nikijua leo shuma lazima ilale ndani vile inafaa...

Yengs akanikaribisha na hug, mate kama kawa alafu mraiya wakani serve chai na mkate... hiyo time yote alikuwa anacheka incidence ya last time

After chai tukafika hiyo keja ya bro yake coz ilikuwa adjacent na hii yao, nikajua hapa hakuna kubonga... ni kutembeza msolokombo

Hiyo siku enyewe nili unleash the beast coz by the time tunamaliza nilikuwa tu jasho... so ikakuwa routine. After lunch mechi tena...

Day one uko ilikuwa successful coz this round sikuwa na wasi wasi kama vile nilikuwa kwa mansion ya mamake..

Next day saa ndo vituko ilianza, boys nikaamkia morning glory saa kumi na mbili nikachelewesha mtoto wa mtu kupika chai...

Mamake akakuja kwa mlango kubisha akizusha, "Yaani we mtu mkubwa unataka ufanyiwe kila kitu, saa hii ni saa ngapi". yengs saa hiyo anavaa nguo

After mamake kujitoa black King nikaletewa breakfast in bed, yaani boys niliona nimefika sana na nko kwa wenywe...

Kitu saa nane apo after kigongi nikaona nifike loo, hapo ndo blunder ya kwanza ilianza... neiba wao aliniona, mi nikachorea tu.

Mwanaume nilikuwa tu indoors the whole time ni ku watch ma movie alafu zikipanda mi nashusha kwa yengs... freedom ni kitu mbaya.

Kitu 8 apo ndo nilijua kile Chinua Achebe alimaanisha kwa ile book ya "Things fall apart"... yengs alikuwa ameenda kusaidia mamake kupika..

Akazima taa ya hiyo keja so nlikuwa tu kwa giza na watch movie kwa lappy.. blunder ni vile ule neiba alinicheki alimchapia...
Mama naye akaona kitu ka light kwa hiyo keja so ikabidi akuje ku investigate. Yengs uzuri ama ubaya akanitext... nikajifunikia na lappy bana...

Sikuwa na time ya kuingia chini ya bed, so nika hold breath ndani ya blanketi niki hope atadhani ni manguo tu ajikate... mlango ikafunguliwa..

Mama akacheki kwa bed but nikaa alitaka tu kujifanya hajaniona, akainama chini ya bed nikaskia yengs, "mum unatafuta nini sasa?"...

Mamake akamsho, "Wee ngoja unataka kuona" akani poke... mraiya nikajifunua ka nimeweka innocent face...


Akauliza, "kijana wee ni nani na unafanya nini kwangu?" Ikabidi nimejibu na soprano, "Mimi ni rafiki ya Sylvia"..

Akauliza, "Wee unaona unafanya vizuri kweli? Mamako alikufunza unafaa kulala kwa kina msichana? Unataka nipige nduru?"..

Yengs akaingilia, "Mama aki hapana, acha tu ataenda"... yengs alikula kofi nikajua hapa kamenuka na si mshuto.....

Mamake akatoka nje nikajua hii ni panga ama umati imeendewa, boy child nilikuwa nimelala apo ka Dedan Kimathi nikajua mi ni maiti...

Nilibeba viatu kwa mkono moja na trao kwa ingine, ilikuwa miguu niponye... nafika stage ndo nakumbuka niliacha lappy bana 😂😂😂...

Trao na viatu nilivalia kwa kiosk flani, nikatafta mat nikajisunda ndani. Hapo ndo nikagundua ni saa mbili na njaa inaniuma..

Nilifika saa tatu na fefte home.. fathe akaniuliza mbona nimerudi mapema na late? Nikamvako wame cancel hiyo trip juu wasee hawakukuja....

Sijawai rudi kwa akina dem tena, the only time naeza doz uko ni kaa ako independent na anaishi kwake.. though pia huko ni riski bana 😂😂😂😂😂

Yengs nae alikuja kunisho baadaye alipata beating ya mwaka, kumbe ningengoja kuona what next ningejua mob justice ni nini...

Lappy nililetewa the following term chuo bana, my life was more important at the time 😂😂😂😂😂! Hii ujinga ka haukupitia colle basi ole wako.#END

Thread part two👆

The year is 2011 pale KU,30 mins after taking weed cookies couldn't feel anything so I added vodka weuh......sizikanishika...I walked to the administration reception literary drank all the water kwa dispenser kidu 18.7 litres and vomited right there...zikanirarukia wakubwa I walked to the mess a few yards away in like 40 mins back and forth a 5 mins walk nikipause...got into the mess and ate food ya 270 bob, mkumbuke ugali ilikuwa 7 bob nyama 22 bob back then.Then walked to Kilimanjaro hostels nikapata yengs wakiwatch action movie,paranoia got the better part of me pale kwa mlango,the sounds of gunshots scared me nikarudi reverse pole pole not to allow the attacker to come after me.I thought they were murdering a nigga in there. upus tu.Walked to my hostel found my roommates and sat on my bed leaning on the wall.....right when I asked them nani amesimamisha my bed I blacked out.... I slept for the next 40 something hours straight and woke up kwa dispensary with drip on.Right there I quit weed cookies.......

First time kulewa nilibebwa na yengs kwa mgongo hadi mansion bana. THREAD....

Kalikuwa kale ka Friday dunda huletwa chuo apo colle so kila mtu alikuwa kwa kale ka mood ka kamnyweso... yengs akanichapia anataka kulewa..

Hii discussion tulikuwa nayo for days, shida ni boys nilikuwa msee soft drinks... na cheza tu na krest na yeye alikuwa mtu makali...

Friday lectures hukatika mapema so mi na maboyz tulikuwa tunakula lazy nje ya hostel... phone call ikaquom thru... cuzo alikuwa anakol..

Cuzo akanisho amechorwa permanent na TAC so niquom na yengs ya mi na if posbo mwingine wake tukanyonye chupa apo locals.....

Mahns siku waste time, nikachapia msupeng kuna Form Tharri For Bee imequom thru achapie ule beshte yake twende locals kusherekea...

Shida ni beshte ya yengs alikuwa book worm so nyang'au ilikwara hiyo story... mi walai siezi soma siku ya dunda ata kwa dawa....

Shida mlevi akijua form imequom thru hawezi acha, yengs akadai si lazma tuende ata tukikosa msupa wa kupelekeana...

Kitu 5 tukachomoka system, tukapanda nduthi hadi base cuzo hu stay,.. mahns akatukaribisha but alikuwa disappointed vile hatumletea dragons...

Akadai tufike hapo locals kunyonya chupa, mraiya tukachomoka 5:30pm apo hadi pub flani ime chrome tu na wazae... but juu si mfuko yetu isorait...

Tukajiseti table flani secluded cuzo aka order guiness tatu na nyam chom, yengs akadai smirnoff ice... cuzo akadai wamlete chupa nne.....

Mi nika order krest nyang'au zikaanza kucheka bana... wakadai hiyo ntajilipia coz hawakukuja pub kulipia watoto soda...

Mraiya tukaanza kurarua nyama choma pole pole tukiteremsha drinks, hiyo time yote yengs alikuwa za "Bebs onja tu kidogo, si mbaya".....

Ka unadhani mi ni mjinga ni fall for izo seduction za yengs, you're right. Mraiya nikaamua tu kujaribu tu kufurahisha Ikus carrier...

Nilionja tu coz nilitaka tukirudi colle dunda anitingishie kanyambis apo dancefloor alafu obvious hiyo siku lazima ningerombosa mtoto wa mtu..

Kumbe hii staff huonja ka Krest tu, kitu ikanivako nimalize chupa moja na nusu.. siku feel any.. nikajidai pro hadi time nilijiskia kukojoa...

Mahns nilienda kusimama kizunguzungu ikanichapa nilikuwa naona tu kila kitu ikizunguka.. yengs alinishika before nianguke kwa ground...

Cuzo saa hiyo ametulia tu nikaa hatuko na yeye, yengs akadai atanifikisha mens room nikanyore coz nikama nitaleta shida kwa pub ya wenyewe..

Wazae karibu wajikojole wakificha msolokombo vile waliona yengs ameingia na mimi mens room.. huyu yengs ilifaa nimuoe enyewe...

Boy child nikafunguliwa zip alafu horse pipe ikachomolewa bana, juu ya kizunguzungu nilikojoa everywhere except shimo ya choo.....

Tukarudi table yetu, boys nikaanza kuwapigia story sasa none stop... kamnyweso ilikuwa inaongea cuzo zake ni kucheka tu yengs akikula nare....

Cuzo akadai twende kwake coz hawezi allow nirudishwe colle ka niko ivyo, yengs akaitikia coz hakutaka aibu pia... tukafika stage ya nduthi...

Nduthi ilitufikisha half way huyo jamaa akakwara kuendelea coz boy child nilikuwa nampigia kelele kwa maskio.. wanadai nilikuwa napiga nduru...

Sikumbuki nikipiga nduru by the way... tukashuka tukaanza kalesa tukielekea kwa cuzo, mwili na magoti haikuwa ina sync boys nikaanguka...

Cuzo yangu ni wale nyang'au hucheka ukiwa kwa shida badala ya ku provide solution, yengs saa hizo amekula nare yake yote... akaniinua juu....

Boy child nilibebwa kwa mgongo design ya mtoi bana, uzuri kulikuwa na giza so sikuchoma picha sana... huyu yengs alikuwa wife material bana...

Boy child nilikuwa bablas, yengs alikuwa ambulance... kwa mgongo nilikuwa na drop tu ma album back to back ka fala... cuzo ni kucheka tu...

Boys nikafikishwa mansion nikatupanishwo bed alafu juu mi ni rookie wa fobe nika puke... mtoto wa mtu alipata kazi ya kufua malazi ya cuzo....

Yaani jamaa nili puke tuvipande twote twa nyama choma nikarudi kuskia njaa tena.. cuzo akajitoa kuenda kudoz na beshte yake....

Yengs alimaliza kufua sheets na kumop ka ana fume yake yote... peer pressure iligeuka beer pressure... makosa ilikuwa yake by the way...

Yengs alijam juu ya kumiss dunda, ik

abaki pia mi nimenyimwa haki yangu hiyo usiku.. unaomba unaambiwa "Beb we ni mlevi, lala".....

Mraiya nilijaribu kusimama na mguu moja juu ya bed ku prove nko sober lakini wapi, alafu shida ni yengs akivaa jeans imemshika huwes mek...

Hiyo siku ilikuwa "Read Only" access to kigongi... enyewe si kwa ubaya, pombe iko na wenyewe. Acha tu nicheze na Krest... hainaga hang over!

Part Two ♻️♻️♻️

Wakati wako wa kubarikiwa ikifika, Unawacha kupanda nduthi unaanza kupanda Uber, Unawacha kutumiwa kama example ya failure unaanza kutumiwa kama example ya success, unawacha kula nyama ya mifupa unaanza kula steak, unawacha kula keki kwa harusi peke unaanza kula keki kila asubuhi...

Unawacha ku rent nyumba za watu, watu waaanza ku rent nyumba zako, unawacha kutumia stairs unaanza kupanda elavator, unawacha kula vako na njaro unaanza kula tender, madem na mali, unawacha kula mutura unaanza kula smokie na sausage....

Unawacha kula lami uki tarmac unaanza kula mshahara na walami, wasichana wanaacha kushika hasira ukiwasimamisha kwa njia wanaanza kushika mimba yako hata ukiwasalamia pekee, unawacha kukuliwa na mbu unaanza kukula usingizi juu umelala ndani ya neti kwa mansion...

unawacha kupiga kura unaanza kupigiwa kura, unawacha kukula kwa macho unaanza kukula dry fry, unawacha ku save pesa kwa homebank unaanza ku save pesa kwa bank, unaacha kuwa na utoto unaanza kuwa na watoto, unawach kungoja inheritance unaanza kuandika will...

Nguo zinaacha kukuvaa juu umekonda unaanza kuzivaa coz ni fitting, unawacha kukunywa pombe kwa bar unaanza kukunywa nyumbani kwa mini bar yako, unawacha kufanyia watu kazi unaanza kuwa na wafanyi kazi...

unawacha kubadilishwa akili huko Kenyatta unaanza ku change mind unaenda treatment abroad, unawacha kukulishwa emoji kwa uso ukipiga na watu selfie unaanza kukulishwa keki kwa wedding photos, unawacha kuwa mtu wa bora maisha unaanza kuwa na maisha bora,..

unawacha kukulishwa block twitter unaanza kukulishwa blue badge na twitter coz uko verified, unawacha tu kuwa mentioned kwa twitter unaanza kuwa mentioned kwa forbes magazine karibu na dangote...

watoto wako wanaacha kushikwa na mashilingi kwa kichwa wanaanza kushikwa na dollar kwa mfuko, unawacha kupanda tu mti chumbani unaanza kupanda miti uwanajani kama mgeni wa heshima, unawacha kula shida unaanza kula raha bila shida...

Hii blessing iwafikie pia nyinyi, hakuna kitu huwa impossible, ukijiamini, weka bidii, kuwa muaminifu na uweke Mungu mbele... y'all can archive this. Believe in yourself first and the rest of the world will believe in you... shukran 🙏

Nimewai lala ndani siku mbili juu ya kupatikana na mtoto wa polisi. THREAD.

Kuna time nilikuwa attacho hapo Kabete kwa Cyber flani, ilikuwa ile msimu ya ku type business plans na projects… wengine waki ingiza work experience mimi nilikuwa naingiza pesa na work experience pia!

So kuna time hizo business plans na project zikapungua so tukabaki na photocopy services tu, nikabaki works peke yangu coz kawaida ukiwa attacho we ndio huwa punda… punda vumilia!

Kitu saa nane hapo dem flani akaleta kazi ya ku type, mtoto yello yello kama school bus za Matiang’I, alafu anakaa mpole, ilikuwa kazi ya 20pages nikamsho anipee 1hour nitakuwa nimemaliza.

Akadai sawa but ako na njaa anaenda ku fix lunch na amechoka, so akanipea namba yake nimkol nikimaliza ku type coz anadai ku submit hiyo kazi kesho yake..

Hakunanga kitu hufurahisha mwanaume kama kupata namba ya pengting ameivaa, mtu hu feel ni kama ametoka group stages na ako quarter finals kwa roho ya huyo dem..

After about an hour nikamaliza so nikamkol akuje ku proofread kazi yake before ni print ndio a check kama kuna mistakes zozote… dem akadai anakuja nimpatie 10 minutes!..

After kupitia kazi akadai nimefanya kazi poa naeza print, then akadai ako na kazi ya photocopy pia anadai kuniletea but ni mob, nikamsho alete coz kama Mwai Kibaki motto yangu pia huwa, Kazi iendele...

Akaenda then akarudi after 30 minutes na kazi yenyewe … akadai atapitia jioni kuchukua, anaenda kupumzika coz amechoka. Mwanaume nikafanya kitu ilikuwa imenileta attacho.. kazi!

Kitu 7 hapo nikamkol coz kama Ramadhan kazi hufungwa na simuoni, akadai alikuwa amedoz, ati nimefanya poa kumuamsha coz ange oversleep akose kupika supper… akadai ka si mind nimlete kwake..

Sikuwa na otherwise nikaitikia tu coz the customer is always right, so kama msee wa pizza nikamuuliza place of delivery... akadai nikuje tu Kabete police station ndani then nimsho kama nimefika hapo..

Kama kuna kitu mKenya hawezi fanya, ni kujipeleka police station mwenyewe but juu dem ali insist alafu pia curiosity killed the cat, curiosity ikaniingia nikaenda kuona ka naeza kill her pus… nvm!

Kufika stenje nikampigia akadai nimngoje hapo ama kama najua mahali servants quarters ziko nifanye nikitembeza kiatu tukutane… si nakaamua kutembea ku avoid kukaa suspicious ndani ya police station...

Tuka meet half way akadai niingie atleast nikunywe chai ndio niende, uoga na mimi tulikuwa kama chanda na pete but dem alikuwa persuasive ikabidi nimfuate, afterall tamaa iliua fisi na mimi ni mtu!

Ilikuwa nyumba ya two bedroom, but akadai hiyo hao wana share, yao ni sitting room na bedroom na kuna karao anaishi hiyo bedroom ingine but hakuwa around, alikuwa ameenda ocha...

Ndio nika realize yeye ni mtoto wa karao but babake ame rent hao ingine huko Westlands coz huko ndio ako posted na traffic police so yeye huwa pekee yake … kwa akili nika underline “pekee yake!”

But babake hukujaa wikendi kumtembelea once in a Bluemoon… in short akikuja, yeye hukuja tu kukunywa na workmates wake hapo police canteen ya stenje then anarudi kwake...

Tukakunywa chai tukijuana, by kitu 9 hapo nilikuwa nimemjua inside out si mtu mbaya, actually ni mtu lonely sana coz alikuwa ana stay pekee yake na pia alikuwa open minded… easy to talk!

Alafu si unajua mwenda tezi na Omo marejeo ni nyumbani? Nikarudi kwangu kitu 8:30 hapo kulala usingizi wa porno, coitus on the first day ikabaki kuwa ndoto!.

Two days later alinikujia jioni, uzuri tulikuwa wawili works, mimi na supervisor, supervisor akani allow nitoke kiasi… dem alikuwa anataka mtu wa kumfikisha soko asisumbuliwe na mafisi wa mtaa.

Hakuna priviledge ka kutembea mtaani na pengting ameivaa, mtu hu feel ni ka ameshinda jackpot ama ameangukia tender, kwanza hiyo day unasalamia kila mtu ndio waone hukuwangi mchache, uko na taste...

Hiyo day tukachapa maraundi alafu akadai nimfikishe kwa hao pia coz ameboeka na anadai tu mtu wa kuongea na yeye, nikapitia works nikaomba ruhusa mbikoz mimi ni intern tu, lazma uombe ruhusa..

Ilikuwa 6:30 so this round karibu kila polisi hapo canteen alitucheki tukipita, but akasema nisi mi

nd, hao huangalia tu watu vibaya hivyo hadi amezoea… hiyo ikanipea false sense of confidence kiasi!

This round akadai tuingie bedroom coz ule karao mwingine alikuwa area na hakuwa anadai usoro, unaskianga out of the frying pan into the fire, mimi nilienda out of the sitting room into the bedroom… big mistake!

Alafu unajua nyumba mna share huwa hamfungi mlango, unairudisha tu ndio incase huyo house mate mwingine anakuja asishinde ame knock na labda ume doze… another big mistake!

Kufika bedroom hakukuwa na kiti so kitanda nikagundua si ya kulala pekee, mtu anaeza kalia pia, akanisho niache uoga ni feel at home… but ilikuwa police station, kitu unaeza feel ni prison tu.

TV ilikuwa sitting room na juu alikuwa amedai TuPac bedroom, All Eyes Were On Her, walai dhambi zote huanzia kwa akili kabla ya mwili… kwanza dress yake ilikuwa transparent kama chai ya kibanda! Wueh!


Supper ilikuwa brief, ilikuwa ugali mayai, so by 7:30 tulikuwa tushasahau story na supper alafu mvua ilikuwa imeanza ku drizzle ikabidi ningoje tu hadi iishe ndio niende… siku ya mwizi enyewe huwa forte.

Hata kwa Bible vile kulikua wet all over hadi kuka flood, wanyama waliingia wawili wawili kwa Noah’s Ark coz hiyo ndio mtindo… in short, kulikuwa kunanyesha, tuko wawili, Kitanda ni Ark, quick maths!

Alini join kwa bed then coincidentally lights zikaenda, so tulikuwa kwa giza, alafu wahenga walidai, kitanda ukikalia sharti ukilalie, akadai tuingie inbetween the sheets ku keep warm tukingoja lights… temptation zikikuamulia, huwa hazibahatishi!

Dem alikuwa baridi mguu nikama kulala na panga, akadai mimi niko warm so akaanza ile njaro ya kutafta joto kwa mwili yangu aki rub miguu zake kwa zangu na pia mikono.. shida ni alikuwa ana raise temperatures zangu instead.

Wahenga pia waliona mbele sana vile walinena samaki mkunje angali mBitchy, hivyo ndio tulijipata foreplay kimchezo mchezo, tukaacha kucheza na mwili pekee tukaanza kucheza na nguo pia

Panty na bra zilikuwa kama hongo na tuko police station so nilizitoa, boobs na kinyambis zilikuwa kama wafungwa vile nilikuwa nazishika… dem alikuwa kama carrot coz bila CD ilibaki nimemkula raw!

Mnasemanga siku ya nyani kuteleza miti zote huteleza mnakosea, Mjulubeng ilikua imesimama, na juu dem alikuwa wet kushinda Ndakaini dam, mjuols ilikuwa inatereza kama probox kwa matope…

Hakuna kitu hu confuse pneumonia kama mechi inafanyika mkiwa uchi wote na kuna baridi, body temperatues huwa high kushinda alcohol content ya BlueMoon… mnakulana mbu zikiwa kula pia!

Msolokombo na ikus zilikuwa ndugu wa toka nitoke, yaani ilikuwa handshake bila mikono, ilikuwa missionary work bila bible, nilikuwa ka P-Unit vile nilikuwa nina Weka weka… ilikuwa tits for nuts!!!

Ilikuwa ku pullout kama gari kwa drive way, ku withdraw kama MPesa na kumwaga kama pesa za campaign… tamaa za mwili huwa tamu kama sambusa ya nyama ama pesa za NYS!

Tukaamua ku spoon tukiwa ndethe kufukuza baridi, ilikuwa body to body, hata sikujua ni saa ngapi coz usingizi flani iliniokota nikashtuka vile mlango ilifunguka alafu flash lights zilikuwa zinanimulika kwa uso.

At first nilidhani niko kwangu nimeingiliwa na wezi so kitu nilifanya ya kwanza ni kupiga nduru but nikanyamazishwa na kofi ya uso hadi nika regain senses nikakumbuka nilikuwa mechi Away!


Alafu ku make it worse ni kwa police station, walikuwa mtu tatu kwa hiyo room, kulikuwa na giza Toronto… I mean totoro, nguo zilikuwa kwa floor but sikupewa chance ya kuzitafta coz nyahunyo ilikuwa inanitembela kama mgeni.

Ilikuwa either nifiche tarimbo a.k.a mjeledi ama nijaribu kuji shield nyahunyo ikinitembelea, but juu uchungu ilikuwa muhimu kuliko aibu ilibidi nimejiwachilia tu bora niji shield viboko za kichwa… sura muhimu

Dem alikuwa amejifunika na duvet akasonga kwa corner akaniwacha at the receiving end, nilikuwa napigwa nikiulizwa maswali but sijui nijibu nani coz wote walikuwa wananiuliza na sijui nani ni nani coz flash lights tu ndio nilikuwa naona..

Kitu nili manage kuvaa ni shorts na panty… nili realize baadaye ni panty nimevaa but cha muhimu ni kuficha uchi nikibebwa juu juu kupekelekw

a cell… nguo zingine zilibaki huko na viatu na simu pia!

At that point nilijua naeza kuwa charged with anything, indecent exposure juu nlikua uchi, resisting arrest juu ya ku shield nyahunyo, in possession of a weapon of mass distraction juu ya mjuols,


Trespassing into a police property without a valid warrant, damaging police property juu ya kunyandua mtoto wa polisi, looking suspicious inside a police station juu nlikua stenje at that hour!

Hiyo cell kitu nilikula ni baridi, kichapo, aibu na adabu, alafu kesho yake jioni wakaniachilia nikatoka mbio nikikaa amateur night runner, nikajifanya nimetoka jogging, shida sikuwa na viatu na vest!

Kufika kwangu nakumbuka vifunguo ziko kwa longi, longi iko kwa akina huyo dem, kwakina huyo dem ni huko stenje, stenje ndio nimefunzwa adabu… na hakuna vile wa-Israeli wangerudi Misri!

So kitu nilifanya ni kupita na mlango teke coz ningeenda kuomba nyundo kwa jirani aibu na maswali ingezidi, uzuri hiyo mlango ilikuwa weak… ikafunguka kama milango za gereza enzi za Paulo na Sila.........

This monkey will never see heaven😂😂

It was a very hot Saturday afternoon so I only had a boxer na kifua wazi,I was in the house alone, staring at the ceiling fan. I wanted to nap a little but the heat was too much. My house was a big bedsitter, I had chosen it this big coz I had bought all sorts of things. You know money can unlock some hidden peasant character, am no exception.
I was single after that kunguru we shared with a kisii fled and I had relocated to the coast after landing a new job. I took my time to pimp this house, vile unajua ujaluo ni gharama. Home theatre ya 1000watts being top of the list and a big screen na sofa set of course.
Hii siku nilikuwa off na since hakukuwa na EPL that particular day, nlikuwa kejani tu nikiskiza rhumba baada ya thorough cleaning.
Kuna jirani, a single mother, alikuwa na mtoi wa class eight, a girl to be precise. This jirani was a certified hooker so I always avoided her for obvious reasons, one being I hate freaking with CDs, two I can't f**k a hooker and three she's a next door neighbour. Her daughter was quite talkative and friendly and could sometimes ask me to assist with her school work, which I did wholeheartedly. This child could come and watch movies on my big screen, come for cold water from my fridge and even iron her school uniform in my house. So as a token of appreciation, she could wash plates for me and I tip her hata kama ni twenty bob.
I wasn't used to her mother, at all but she had no problem with her daughter coming to my house, or so I thought.
So this Saturday, the kid is in the house watching TV and am in bed trying to catch some sleep. My house being the first at the gate, nothing could pass me easily. So I heard this screeching of brakes at the gate and since the window was open, I peeped to see whose car it was and why the rush. Police land cruiser.
The door was open. Mi nlishtukia tu makarau washaingia kwa nyumba yangu na huyu mama jirani screaming obscenities eti mimi ndio namharibia mtoto wa shule.
I was so shocked, mark you am in a boxer only. The guys roughed me up, nikaambiwa nivae tuende station. Yaani nilishindwa hata kujitetea.
Station pap, cell mara hiyo hiyo. Kuna jamaa aliona hiki kisanga ikifanyika akareport hiyo incident kule kazini, by then I had not made any call to anybody. So the manager came immediately, thank God my manager was a very good man, it was around six. He came and listened to the statement which he refuted vigorously but that was it, I had to buy my way out or go to court.
I spent the night in the cells coz aliambiwa OCS hakuwa, akaambiwa arudi the following day. Akakam Sunday by seven, nikatolewa nikaenda kwa ofisi ya OCS na yule kunguru akaitwa na mtoi wake. This idiot had trained the kid to say I had been fucking her. So I was told to choose an out of court settlement or go to court which could attract a 14 yr sentence. I chose the out of court settlement. So Malaya akaulizwa anataka alipwe pesa ngapi, akasema 500k. Manager akajam naye vibaya na akamsomea sana. Mimi nilikuwa powerless kwa hii negotiation, still shocked.
They argued until they settled on 250, hamsini OCS alikuwa akule ndio azime hiyo kesi kabisa. Nkaambiwa nitoe cash bail ya 10k ndio niende nilete hiyo pesa, latest Tuesday. Nikatumana doe ikaletwa na nikatolewa police custody. Weee, freedom. Kama haujawaiwekwa cell, huezijua maana ya freedom.
Monday nikarauka bank kuchukua emergency loan, manager aliniandikia barua, alikuwa anajuana na credit manager wa hiyo bank. I secured the loan and by Tuesday tukaenda naye tena station kama witness nikilipa kunguru for damages on her daughter. She insisted on cash, sio transfer ama nini, nikaenda nikatoa pesa kwa counter nikaleta. She won big. Alichukua pesa akaenda zake.
Nilihama that plot the very same week and embarked on a sweet revenge mission. Hekaya yake itakuom. Be very afraid my brothers out there, imagine repaying a loan you never used because a hoe set you up!!