He finds solace and emotional intimacy elsewhere, with a woman who's not his wife.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
Even if he reassures himself that it's not haram because "this is strictly platonic" and this online sister is not his side chick...we all know where this path leads. Things that are private between a man and a woman have a way of going from platonic to romantic. Almost as though there was a third party present with them to make sure things get sexual, like maybe Shaytan. Oh wait...yes, there is that hadith! Online khalwa is still khalwa.
3. Validation and approval-seeking:
Everyone, male and female, likes to feel appreciated, validated, encouraged. We all want to feel special, paid attention to, admired. This need for attention in and of itself is not a problem--the problem is: where do we go to seek this attention?
Speaking as a woman myself, I can say that women have a higher emotional need for reassurance and validation. It's natural for most women to want to feel attractive, desirable, and to have our beauty admired and remarked upon. Men also have a need to be praised and appreciated--but women have this need in a bigger way. Islamically, women do have a natural and wholesome route through which to attain this desire for male attention: marriage. A husband is the only halal source of male admiration, attention, and validation of a woman's beauty. But increasingly, in our age of rampant social media usage, some women are turning to other sources for this: random men online.
It has become about *quantity* of attention instead of *quality* of attention.
A woman can either get higher quality (ie. real, genuine, halal) attention from one man, her husband. OR, she can get a higher quantity of attention (ie. more likes, comments, heart emojis) from non-mahram men on social media when she posts cute pictures of herself dressed up and made up and pouting for the camera, maybe adding a sexy filter. Unfortunately, what ends up happening in these cases is that people pick attention quantity over attention quality.
What solidifies things is the dopamine hit that comes from more likes and comments ("MashaAllah, sister! You're so beautiful!!"). The positive feedback can be addictive for some, and it serves as a vicious cycle that reinforces the pattern. Whatever attention her one man can give her can never quite measure up to the sheer quantity of male attention she's been getting from other people online. It's become a competition now and the husband is losing.
The wife becomes annoyed at him and resentful that he's not giving her her due. All these other guys online praise her looks and style, why can't this guy give her the same level of compliments? Maybe he doesn't deserve her. Maybe she's too good for this oblivious bum. Maybe she'll drop him for another man who knows her worth, maybe one of those dudes she's been messaging with online. *That* guy seems to appreciate her!
There goes the marriage.
Be careful on social media. Guard your marriage and family. Fear Allah in all your interactions, online and offline.
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For a MARRIAGE to really work, you gotta understand this: You and your partner are TWO different people, with two different pasts, trying to build ONE future.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
You didn't grow up the same, you won't always think the same, and that's okay. What matters is HOW you handle it. Communicate without turning everything into an argument. Listen even when you're frustrated. Stop keeping score and start choosing growth.
Because every disagreement shouldn't create distance. It should build understanding.
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Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
“An unmarried man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and exile for one year. A married man and woman who commit zina are to receive 100 lashes and be stoned to death.”
-Sahih Muslim 1690a
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There are no experts in marriage.
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
Marriage is so delicate that you might find yourself in a situation where the ideal might make things worse, and the unideal just might be what solves it. This wouldn't change the ideal from being the most appropriate; it just buttresses the fact that marital peculiarities don't always follow textbook descriptions.
"Be good to your spouse; it prompts them to be better." Yes, this happens often, but you might find yourself in a situation where the person is obviously taking advantage of your being good to manipulate you. What you need to do may not even be found in any marital textbook. If it fixes your scenario, that will be great. It wouldn't be sold as a standard, however, because despite fixing your case, it still might ruin another. It is just a fix for the peculiarities of your marriage.
People who walk around like they have the secret recipe for the success of their marriage often come to find out that that arrogance is in itself a recipe for ruining a marriage. Your marriage can be fine for 20 good years, and just when you conclude you have got it all figured out, boom! A nut comes loose. A crack shows up. Suddenly, water is gushing in through the fissures and the marital ship seems to be sinking, struggling to stay afloat.
So stay humble, stay grateful, stay willing to adapt to new realities.
I write a lot about marriage and get to mediate in people's marriages, sometimes multiple times in a single day. But when I go back to my marriage, I admit my ignorance and lack of experience. Even those who have multiple years of it have failed at it. So I take every day as it comes. Nothing is set in stone. I know who I am today and who my spouse is, but I don't know who we will be tomorrow. We are reactive creatures, and our presumption of our reaction to a circumstance we have not experienced is unreliable. When we get to the bridge, we will cross it.
If I ever get stuck, I will reach out to any of the wise and knowledgeable people I have around me, because there are no experts in marriage. Even the marriage counsellor fixing people's marriages, can be seeing "shege" in his/her marriage.
Abu Imrān
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Forwarded from Jannah is Our Dream
Hijab is not wrong, but some people have forgotten the true purpose of wearing it.
Keeping a beard is not wrong, but some men keep beards while forgetting the Sunnah of good character.
Prayer is not wrong, but some people pray without allowing their prayers to improve their behaviour.
Seeking Islamic knowledge is not wrong, but some people gain knowledge and become arrogant instead of humble.
Islam is not wrong, but some people judge others instead of focusing on correcting themselves.
REMEMBER: Islam teaches us to follow the Sunnah, maintain good character, and sincerely correct our own shortcomings before judging others.
Keeping a beard is not wrong, but some men keep beards while forgetting the Sunnah of good character.
Prayer is not wrong, but some people pray without allowing their prayers to improve their behaviour.
Seeking Islamic knowledge is not wrong, but some people gain knowledge and become arrogant instead of humble.
Islam is not wrong, but some people judge others instead of focusing on correcting themselves.
REMEMBER: Islam teaches us to follow the Sunnah, maintain good character, and sincerely correct our own shortcomings before judging others.
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The Prophet ﷺ said:“Allah is Pure and accepts only that which is pure.
(Sahih Muslim 1015 / An-Nawawi’s 40 Hadith #10)
(Sahih Muslim 1015 / An-Nawawi’s 40 Hadith #10)
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Who you marry matters so much more than when you marry.
I used to stress about the “when.”
When will it happen?
When will I meet the right one?
When will I finally be ready?
But peace came when I realized this....
It’s not about timelines.
It’s about alignment.
And that applies to everything... values, purpose, and even goals.
Because when you marry the right person,
you won’t have to chase perfect timing.
You’ll both learn to grow together... not just emotionally,
but spiritually, mentally, and yes, financially too.
The right person will support you, help you build,
and truly consider you in every decision.
You’ll feel seen, not compared.
Safe, not rushed.
Loved, not pressured.
Every season feels right..... even the hard ones.
It’s not the date on your wedding invitation that defines your happiness…
It’s the person waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
So if you’re single right now, breathe.
The “who” will always matter more than the “when.”
Because the right person won’t just fit into your life...
they’ll help you build a life... one that’s emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and financially wise.
Love isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm... and when it’s the right one,
everything... even your dreams, goals, and finances...
will move in sync with God’s perfect timing.
#fblifestyle
I used to stress about the “when.”
When will it happen?
When will I meet the right one?
When will I finally be ready?
But peace came when I realized this....
It’s not about timelines.
It’s about alignment.
And that applies to everything... values, purpose, and even goals.
Because when you marry the right person,
you won’t have to chase perfect timing.
You’ll both learn to grow together... not just emotionally,
but spiritually, mentally, and yes, financially too.
The right person will support you, help you build,
and truly consider you in every decision.
You’ll feel seen, not compared.
Safe, not rushed.
Loved, not pressured.
Every season feels right..... even the hard ones.
It’s not the date on your wedding invitation that defines your happiness…
It’s the person waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
So if you’re single right now, breathe.
The “who” will always matter more than the “when.”
Because the right person won’t just fit into your life...
they’ll help you build a life... one that’s emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and financially wise.
Love isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm... and when it’s the right one,
everything... even your dreams, goals, and finances...
will move in sync with God’s perfect timing.
#fblifestyle
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⛔️I will not leave behind a trial more harmful to men than (the temptations of) women.
⛔️And do not approach adultery, fornication. Certainly, it has always been immoral and an evil way.
⛔️Tell the believing men to lower their gazes and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Allah is certainly aware of everything they do.
⛔️They (believing women) should not strike their feet in such a manner that the adornment they hide may be known.
⛔️A woman, if she wears perfume and then passes by a gathering (of men), she is this and that (meaning: a type of adulterer, fornicator).
⛔️Do not be soft in speech (to men) for fear that he in whose heart is a disease should desire (you), but speak in an honorable manner.
http://www.authentic-translations.com/trans-pub/at_misau_20.pdf
⛔️And do not approach adultery, fornication. Certainly, it has always been immoral and an evil way.
⛔️Tell the believing men to lower their gazes and protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Allah is certainly aware of everything they do.
⛔️They (believing women) should not strike their feet in such a manner that the adornment they hide may be known.
⛔️A woman, if she wears perfume and then passes by a gathering (of men), she is this and that (meaning: a type of adulterer, fornicator).
⛔️Do not be soft in speech (to men) for fear that he in whose heart is a disease should desire (you), but speak in an honorable manner.
http://www.authentic-translations.com/trans-pub/at_misau_20.pdf
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A wife can be sitting in a beautiful house, eating good food, wearing expensive clothes, and still feel that something is missing in her marriage.
And a husband can be paying every bill, providing for his children, and wondering why his wife keeps saying she feels alone.
This is where some couples misunderstand each other. He thinks his sacrifices should settle every complaint. She thinks her loneliness should be obvious without having to explain it.
Meanwhile, both believe they're doing everything they can.
Sometimes the problem isn't that one person does nothing. It's that they're working hard to meet different needs and neither understands what the other is actually asking for.
And a husband can be paying every bill, providing for his children, and wondering why his wife keeps saying she feels alone.
This is where some couples misunderstand each other. He thinks his sacrifices should settle every complaint. She thinks her loneliness should be obvious without having to explain it.
Meanwhile, both believe they're doing everything they can.
Sometimes the problem isn't that one person does nothing. It's that they're working hard to meet different needs and neither understands what the other is actually asking for.
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Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم Said : "The worst food is that of a walimah to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited."
(Bukhari)
(Bukhari)
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🤍 NEVER DESTROY A MARRIAGE
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned against turning a wife against her husband or a servant against their master.
📖 Sunan Abi Dawud 2175
💭 Never plant hatred, spread mistrust, or interfere in relationships unjustly. Be a source of peace, sincere advice, and reconciliation—not division. If someone faces harm or abuse, guide them toward safety and trustworthy help. 🤲
Save ● Share ● Follow
#IslamicReminder #Hadith #MarriageInIslam #Sunnah #GoodCharacter
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ warned against turning a wife against her husband or a servant against their master.
📖 Sunan Abi Dawud 2175
💭 Never plant hatred, spread mistrust, or interfere in relationships unjustly. Be a source of peace, sincere advice, and reconciliation—not division. If someone faces harm or abuse, guide them toward safety and trustworthy help. 🤲
Save ● Share ● Follow
#IslamicReminder #Hadith #MarriageInIslam #Sunnah #GoodCharacter
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THE BLESSING OF A WOMAN WITH AN EASY DOWRY AND EASY MARRIAGE
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
It is from the blessing in a woman that she has an easy dowry, an easy proposal through her guardian, and an easy womb, meaning that she is fertile and bears children without difficulty.
One of the reporters of this narration, Urwah ibn az-Zubayr رحمه الله, said:
And I say from myself, one of the first signs of evil from a woman is for her to have a high dowry.
This narration is recorded by Imam Ahmad and others, and Shaykh Muhammad Nasir ad-Din al-Albani رحمه الله graded it Hasan.
This narration teaches us that one of the signs of blessing in marriage is ease. Islam does not encourage making marriage unnecessarily difficult through excessive financial demands, unreasonable expectations, or obstacles that prevent people from marrying.
Allah says:
And marry those among you who are single and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient, All-Knowing.
Surah An-Nur 24:32
The Prophet ﷺ also encouraged simplicity and ease in marriage. When a woman is easy to marry and her dowry is reasonable, this can be a means of blessing and can make marriage accessible rather than turning it into a financial burden.
The dowry, or mahr, is an obligation upon the husband, but Islam does not prescribe that it must be excessive. Allah says:
And give the women their dowries graciously.
Surah An-Nisa 4:4
The purpose of the dowry is not to burden the man or to become a source of competition and pride. Rather, it is a right given to the woman as part of the marriage.
The statement of Urwah رحمه الله is also a serious reminder that excessive demands in marriage can be a sign of a lack of blessing. A person should therefore seek a spouse who values religion, good character, modesty, and simplicity rather than someone who makes marriage unnecessarily difficult because of worldly expectations.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
When there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him.
Jami at-Tirmidhi 1084
This demonstrates the importance of giving priority to religion and character when choosing a spouse. Wealth, status, appearance, and worldly possessions should not become the primary criteria while religion and character are neglected.
A blessed marriage is not necessarily the marriage with the most expensive wedding, the largest dowry, or the greatest amount of material possessions. Rather, blessing is found when the marriage is established upon obedience to Allah, following the Sunnah, good character, mercy, responsibility, and mutual rights.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
The most blessed marriage is the one that is easiest and least burdensome.
The meaning of these narrations should not be misunderstood. Islam does not prohibit a woman from requesting a reasonable dowry, nor does it mean that every woman who receives a high dowry is evil. Rather, the warning concerns making marriage unnecessarily difficult through excessive demands and worldly expectations.
The believer should therefore seek barakah rather than extravagance. Both the man and the woman should make marriage easy, while fulfilling the rights that Allah has legislated for each of them.
May Allah bless the marriages of the Muslims, make marriage easy for those seeking it, grant husbands and wives righteous character, and place love, mercy, tranquility, and obedience to Him between them. Ameen 🤲🏾
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
It is from the blessing in a woman that she has an easy dowry, an easy proposal through her guardian, and an easy womb, meaning that she is fertile and bears children without difficulty.
One of the reporters of this narration, Urwah ibn az-Zubayr رحمه الله, said:
And I say from myself, one of the first signs of evil from a woman is for her to have a high dowry.
This narration is recorded by Imam Ahmad and others, and Shaykh Muhammad Nasir ad-Din al-Albani رحمه الله graded it Hasan.
This narration teaches us that one of the signs of blessing in marriage is ease. Islam does not encourage making marriage unnecessarily difficult through excessive financial demands, unreasonable expectations, or obstacles that prevent people from marrying.
Allah says:
And marry those among you who are single and the righteous among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient, All-Knowing.
Surah An-Nur 24:32
The Prophet ﷺ also encouraged simplicity and ease in marriage. When a woman is easy to marry and her dowry is reasonable, this can be a means of blessing and can make marriage accessible rather than turning it into a financial burden.
The dowry, or mahr, is an obligation upon the husband, but Islam does not prescribe that it must be excessive. Allah says:
And give the women their dowries graciously.
Surah An-Nisa 4:4
The purpose of the dowry is not to burden the man or to become a source of competition and pride. Rather, it is a right given to the woman as part of the marriage.
The statement of Urwah رحمه الله is also a serious reminder that excessive demands in marriage can be a sign of a lack of blessing. A person should therefore seek a spouse who values religion, good character, modesty, and simplicity rather than someone who makes marriage unnecessarily difficult because of worldly expectations.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
When there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him.
Jami at-Tirmidhi 1084
This demonstrates the importance of giving priority to religion and character when choosing a spouse. Wealth, status, appearance, and worldly possessions should not become the primary criteria while religion and character are neglected.
A blessed marriage is not necessarily the marriage with the most expensive wedding, the largest dowry, or the greatest amount of material possessions. Rather, blessing is found when the marriage is established upon obedience to Allah, following the Sunnah, good character, mercy, responsibility, and mutual rights.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
The most blessed marriage is the one that is easiest and least burdensome.
The meaning of these narrations should not be misunderstood. Islam does not prohibit a woman from requesting a reasonable dowry, nor does it mean that every woman who receives a high dowry is evil. Rather, the warning concerns making marriage unnecessarily difficult through excessive demands and worldly expectations.
The believer should therefore seek barakah rather than extravagance. Both the man and the woman should make marriage easy, while fulfilling the rights that Allah has legislated for each of them.
May Allah bless the marriages of the Muslims, make marriage easy for those seeking it, grant husbands and wives righteous character, and place love, mercy, tranquility, and obedience to Him between them. Ameen 🤲🏾
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Dear sister,
Do not tie your self esteem to your monogamous marriage. Whoever advised you to look beautiful, learn how to cook and read halal intimacy SO THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN was wrong. You should do all these things, but for a different reason - To please Allah.
You can start walking on your head just to please your husband and he still looks at other women. If you were doing all the good things for his loyalty, you would feel like a failure. You would feel inadequate. You would blame yourself for something you can’t control. Some people would even laugh at you. Some would blame it on your shortcoming and you would believe them.
Some men are created to want more women and their creator knows this that’s why he permitted them to have more. It’s not your fault. You’re not meant to be perfect, you’re only meant to try your best and if you have done that, you’re good.
If he takes more within the confines of Islam , it doesn’t reduce you. It doesn’t make you a laughing stock. It doesn’t clip your wings, it doesn’t make you used and dump(An upright Muslim man won’t even treat you that way). It doesn’t make you anything lower than who you were. If anything, it may even increase your rank to that of a Muslimah who is pleased with Allah’s decree.
You’re enough regardless of your husbands actions. Focus one being the best version of yourself for the sake of your lord and don’t measure your worth by your position in marriage.
Our mother Aisha radhiyallahu ‘anhaa was married after the death of Khadeejah and the marriage of Sawdah. Hafsah, Safiyyah, Maymūnah Zaynab and others were married after her. Mama was full of grave all through. Despite everything that took place in their household, her confidence remained unshaken.
-Umm Abdirrahman Kifaayah Bukky
Do not tie your self esteem to your monogamous marriage. Whoever advised you to look beautiful, learn how to cook and read halal intimacy SO THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN was wrong. You should do all these things, but for a different reason - To please Allah.
You can start walking on your head just to please your husband and he still looks at other women. If you were doing all the good things for his loyalty, you would feel like a failure. You would feel inadequate. You would blame yourself for something you can’t control. Some people would even laugh at you. Some would blame it on your shortcoming and you would believe them.
Some men are created to want more women and their creator knows this that’s why he permitted them to have more. It’s not your fault. You’re not meant to be perfect, you’re only meant to try your best and if you have done that, you’re good.
If he takes more within the confines of Islam , it doesn’t reduce you. It doesn’t make you a laughing stock. It doesn’t clip your wings, it doesn’t make you used and dump(An upright Muslim man won’t even treat you that way). It doesn’t make you anything lower than who you were. If anything, it may even increase your rank to that of a Muslimah who is pleased with Allah’s decree.
You’re enough regardless of your husbands actions. Focus one being the best version of yourself for the sake of your lord and don’t measure your worth by your position in marriage.
Our mother Aisha radhiyallahu ‘anhaa was married after the death of Khadeejah and the marriage of Sawdah. Hafsah, Safiyyah, Maymūnah Zaynab and others were married after her. Mama was full of grave all through. Despite everything that took place in their household, her confidence remained unshaken.
-Umm Abdirrahman Kifaayah Bukky
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Muslim Marriage Tips pinned «Dear sister, Do not tie your self esteem to your monogamous marriage. Whoever advised you to look beautiful, learn how to cook and read halal intimacy SO THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN was wrong. You should do all these things, but for…»
The real richness of marriage is not found in an expensive home or a luxurious lifestyle, but in the peace of two hearts that trust each other, appreciate what they have, and remain grateful to Allah through every season of life.
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